Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

I wonder if you're battling your inner critic right now, the one that's saying it's your fault your not like everyone else, you don't deserve to be happy because how much you've screwed up, your not normal etc like everyone else? These critical voices are the training we had as kids to keep our behaviour in line so that we were safe and able to survive, but it doesn't mean that what they're saying is in anyway true. It's just conditioning.

There's also a big fear that I felt at least, and why I think it took so long to really dig in and start looking at things, about what would my life be without (them) this? I didn't have any experience of being on my own and feeling confidence in the things that I did, even though I had shown resilience and that I was able to survive as an adult. Being in therapy helped a lot with that, to be able to bounce this stuff off of t and see that I was actually accomplishing things and to be able to pick out what were old fears/fears relating to my family and what was actually happening/what I was able to do. I wasn't given a reality growing up and it was hard to imagine one without my family when the world was "such a scary place."

Please disregard if any of this doesn't fit for you Larry, each of us has our own way to heal but just wanted to put it out there in case some of it made sense.

Sending you support,
dolly

[Armee]

 

Just keep listening in to what your innermost person is telling you.

[Larry]

  thank you,  i really thought i was doing better.   i thought i was getting past some things.    i thought i didn't need therapy.     seems like everything crashed all at once

[rainydiary]

Larry, in my experience we go back and forth in how we feel.  It is difficult to go back and forth.  I hope you keep finding things that help with the back and forth.

[Larry]

i just don't like being like this,  sometimes i feel like i am not wanted or accepted.   it is hard to be around people,  but really depressing to be alone

[Armee]

I feel that way too, Larry. It's actually not true. It sounds a lot like you are in an emotional flashback right now. Sending lots of support as you ride this one. It will pass. Ride through it. It's not your fault. 

[Larry]

thank you armee,   i really need to ge better a recognizing ef's.     i feel so alone and unwanted right now.     i don't want to drink,   i just don't know how to deal with things right now. 

[paul72]

hey Larry... you aren't alone or unwanted.. but I understand how you feel.
I posted something up in my office as a reminder.. "if you want a different result, try something different", and another one "be thankful always"....
It is here alone that I have the worst times. I wonder what positive things you can remind yourself...what you have overcome, what reminds you of the goodness you have.
It's a little trick anyway.. sorry if not helpful .... I also tend to spoil myself a little on these days.. just small rewards- favourite sweater, a big piece of pie lol. You deserve whatever kindness you can muster for yourself. Hope your day gets better

[Larry]

thank you phil.   

[rainydiary]

Larry, you are doing hard and important work.  I hope you find things that help feel safe and at ease. 

[Larry]

thank you rainy !    it is a constant struggle,   but i feel like i am doing better,  most of the time

[dollyvee]

i just don't know how to deal with things right now.

Hi Larry,

I'm sorry you're feeling that way right now. I think when we're going through big changes we do feel unsettled and a lot of those feelings come up. I would say that it seems like the stuff is coming up for a reason and the old ways of handling things are not a good fit for you anymore. It doesn't mean they were bad, just that they helped you at a certain time and now it's a different time in your life. Usually it will become clear to you that can't put them back in the same box and keep doing the same things expecting a different result. What is the new result? Well, that's not the easy part and can definitely see from my own experience where they get the phrase doing the work from. T's can be good helping you shape that but sounds like maybe you need to build up a good base of trust with your t and ask her what her intentions were for asking you to go to AA, tell her how you felt about that, and see what she says. That might be a good starting point but just my two bits.

Sending you support for all the work your doing 

dolly

[Larry]

 

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

It's something my t has suggested to me  on a couple of occasions before where I felt like I knew what was going on in the situation. It really helped to set boundaries for what was going on and see what they actually thought. I've also done it with my t as well where I was sure she didn't like me and her response was quite the opposite. I think it helped the relationship a lot.

Just my experiences and do what you have to do for you. Have a good weekend, d

[Larry]

thank you dolly !  i am really trying,    things have been difficult.    i have been dissappointed with myelf,    drinking more than i would like    i don't know what else to do.