Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Armee]

I bet it's still a really hard time of year for you? A month from when your dad, left, right?

I remember the times my stepdad left and how hard those first few months were. It's not just the leaving part that hurts kids, it's also all that turmoil in the aftermath and the wondering and the effects on the other parent.

I think it makes a lot of sense that you would be struggling right now during this time of year. I'm just sending you some strength to be kind to yourself and take whatever step feels the most healing to you. I can't quite imagine that quitting alcohol would be possible without having additional supports in place to cope with what alcohol has been masking, so I'd encourage you to be kind and gentle to yourself as you think about what might be needed to get to a place where you can reduce alcohol to an amount that feels healthier to you.

[dollyvee]

Hey Larry,

I think you are trying too! And I don't mean it to come across as you're not. So, my apologies if it has. I've heard some of the things you've said about where you thought your t was coming from and how you felt about that. I wanted to say that I empathize with what you've said and felt like I've been in a similar situation, but I could be reading that wrong. When you mentioned that you thought your t was against you, it made me think of the time I thought my t was against me. So wanted to share how good it was to ask her directly about it and maybe that was something that might help you too.

I'm sorry that you're feeling hard on yourself at this time. No one is a perfect person and you have just as much right to be in this world as everyone else. Sending you support for what you're doing . None of this stuff is easy so please be proud that you are doing the work.

dolly

[Larry]

thank you armee and dolly,  i really appreciate you both !   

[paul72]

hi Larry,
Hope you are doing well today

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I just wanted to pop by and send you a hug, if that's ok   
Hope 

[Larry]

thank you hope !   i'm sorry i haven't been here much lately.   I miss everyone.
  I have been mostly good.  i still get a little depressed now and then.  mood swings aren't as bad ,  but still get them and i haven't been sleeping as much as i would like.   drinking has been much better,  not getting blackout drunk as much . maybe only once a week. 

I finished reading "from surviving to thriving"  i'm not sure it really helped much,  but it did expllain some things.   
I saw my T last night at the theater.  i haven't had a session since before christmas.   seeing her made me want to try again.   maybe monday i will see if i can get an appointment. 

[Armee]

 

That sounds like good progress Larry!!!

I've found that books are really helpful for understanding, too. They don't help heal me per se but at different points of the path they've helped me understand what is going on and have been a key part of healing, even though just reading them doesn't fix anything.

I will be here to celebrate with you if you work up to calling T to schedule a next session! 

[Larry]

  thank you armee !   i really appreciate your support !

[sanmagic7]

keep going, larry.  it can be slow at times, i know, but i give you lots of credit for hanging in there and continuing to move forward (even tho those backward steps can feel awful).  good luck w/ calling your T.  i hope it works out for you.  love and hugs

[Larry]

thank you sanmagic !

[dollyvee]

I finished reading "from surviving to thriving"  i'm not sure it really helped much,  but it did expllain some things.   

Hi Larry,

I can see that. Sometimes we read things and it might take a while for it to sink in and make sense as we learn these things and sometimes the things we read just weren't for us.

It's great that you're going to go back and see your t. Keep reaching out if you need it.

dolly

[Larry]

  thank you dolly !

[Larry]

i am really scared to call my T,  i don't know if it will help.   i keep getting so lost.  my wife is getting tired of my mood swings.  i try to be a good husband,  but i think i was happier when i was alone and miserable.  i know that sounds terrible.  i just don't know what to do anymore. 

[Armee]

Take some deep breaths and just get through tonight. At night you get EFs that make you feel you don't know what to do. You DO know what to do, just not when you are in the middle of an EF. So treat yourself kindly right now, stay safe cause you deserve to be safe, and when you feel better tomorrow morning, take the actions you know you need to do to get better.

I understand the feeling you mention of feeling like it is better to be alone and miserable. I used to feel that too.

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

I'm sorry that you're feeling like that right now. It's hard to go through this. All you can do is keep taking one step at a time and taking it as it comes, knowing that in your heart you're trying the best you can.

Sending you support,
dolly