Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

I think you are a good person. This stuff is hard and it's a long road. Hope you find ways to be gentle with your self. I can understand the fear in calling your t - it makes all these things that you've had to deal with real and there is a lot of uncertainty in that. Will it feel like it was when you were a child, will you be able to handle it, will it blow up your life? I had a lot of reservations when I started therapy and it took a long time to unpack that. Slowly, I could see that I was capable of things and then slowly that it wasn't me. Though am still working on that and not feeling like a bad person.

dolly

[Larry]

I feel pretty good today,   went to the gym yesterday.   sometimes i think i am ok,  and i don't need help.  then, out of nowhere...   
i really appreciate all of you.   it is nice to have someone who understands.     

[Armee]

I'm so happy you get some good days in there. I've been playing that game with myself too for the past three years (I'm ok! I don't need therapy! I'm healed! And then something happens within a few days where I'm like: oh my god there's so much. So so much. I am going to need at least a year more!")

Good days are fantastic and give  us a compass tiward which we are headed.

[Larry]

    what a constant  struggle...    i try so hard.    i don't know how to get others to understand.   my wife always seems to forget.    i am not normal.   i can not be like everyone else.   i am broken.    i want to fix myself.  i am really trying.   but people need to understand that i am not there yet

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

It is hard and sometimes they don't understand no matter how much we want them to. We can try to make other people happy but it's not our responsibility to make them happy. I don't think it says you are a bad person if you can't.  These situations are tough and sending you support.

dolly

[sanmagic7]

may i send you a hug filled with support for your struggles larry?     this is tough stuff and often gives us mixed signals which in turn we have to attempt to translate.  keep going, ok? 

[Larry]

thank you dolly and sanmagic,   i get frustrated sometimes.   most people don't understand. 

[rainydiary]

 

[Larry]

  hi rainy !   

yesterday,  no drinks at all.   i haven't done that in a while.   i might have to work today,  maybe the gym later?   
I feel pretty good this morning.   I am really trying to work on mindful stuff.   I think i need to put more effort into my own healing. 

[Armee]

Hi Larry! I'm really proud of you, how you just keep pulling yourself up, not letting setbacks knock you over completely. You rise up with more courage each time.

This statement alone is huge and empowering:

I think i need to put more effort into my own healing. 

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
That is great.  I hope you enjoy the gym, if you decide to go there.  If you had to work today, then I hope it went ok. 
Hope 

[Larry]

i have been drinking way too much this past weekend.  friday night and sunday night...  black out  drunk.  i don't remember leaving the bar or how i got home.  when i get that drunk, bad things take over,  i think the past comes up.   i yell and kick and cry in my sleep.  my wife has had enough.   i really need help,  i need to limit the drinking to a reasonable level.  i just can't always do it on my own.   today i had 3 drinks,   hopefully will not have any more. 

[Armee]

Larry I'm so sorry for all your pain and suffering. How can I best support you right now?

[Larry]

you are always here for me armee,  that is more than i could ask for.  thank you.   i keep telling myself i need to try therapy again,   it is just so hard,    i have good days,  and sometimes i think i can do this.   i really don't know what to do right now. 

[Armee]

I think the only thing to do is be kind to yourself until you are able to take a good day to do for yourself what you can't on a bad day and reach out for help - for yourself and for your wife. It can't be fixed by just muscling through alone. But no one can force you to be ready to get help before you're ready, either. I wish I could magically help you some way but I'm here. You deserve to feel good and live a free life.