Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Blueberry]

Tomorrow i am really going to try to push emotions down,  i just do not want to deal with them.

I soooo get this. I'm not big on feeling my emotions at all. There are imagination exercises you can do to keep those emotions at bay for a while. I've been told that you can find them in CBT workbooks in the English-speaking world but Idk. I was taught them by various therapists myself. So they're exercises like putting any emotions or memories in a safe. My safe is waterproof, can only be opened by me and is at the bottom of a large body of water. Some people put this stuff on a film, roll it up and leave the film in some secret place or a combination: film in the safe, or film in T's office or whatever.

I've got to go, may write more later.

[Larry]

thank you rainy and blueberry and im sorry,  i was really feeling negative for a few days.   i am trying not to do that, 

[rainydiary]

Hi Larry, I am learning that our feelings themselves aren't necessarily in our control.  They are giving us signs of things that possibly need our attention.  They give us information.  I believe it is ok to be whatever it is you are being right now.  I hope the strong feelings ease a bit.

[Larry]

Feeling ok today,   I would really like to even out the ups and downs a little.   I have been busy with work,  seems to help a little.   Still doing good with not drinking.  Today is day 33.   not 1 drink.   I have been sleeping a little better,  still having a few nightmares,  but i haven't been kicking and screaming during them. 

[rainydiary]

Hi Larry, you are working hard and I am here wishing you well.

[Armee]

 

I'm so proud of how hard you are working. This is hard work. You are so strong, Larry.

[Larry]

thank you rainy and armee 

[Blueberry]

Yep, that's really hard work you're doing Larry!

[Larry]

thank you Blueberry !    I started getting a little depressed yesterday but i got through things.   feeling good this morning.   I have been thining a lot about the last year and a half.  I can't believe i am still here.  I was in such a bad place,   I feel so much better,   and i really want to try to enjoy things again.   18 days until my therapy session with a different therapist.   I am trying not to think about it too much. 
(36 days without alcohol ! )

[rainydiary]

Larry, I appreciate you sharing this reflection.  You are doing it and it is ok to have ups and downs.

[Larry]

38 days without alcohol and 16 days until therapy,   I am really trying not to count the days,   seems like i am focusing on things too much. 
Today was ok.  sometimes i get some negative thoughts,  it's hard to explain.  but i have been doing better with recognizing that and trying to work through things. 

[sanmagic7]

glad to hear you're doing better, larry.  keep up the good work, ok?  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

It makes sense that you are counting the days to therapy. It's scary to start with someone new and it's hopeful too. It's a big deal and it's okay that you are counting down.

[rainydiary]

Larry, to me it seems like you are trying to find new ways of being and focusing on counts is something that is feeling ok to do. 

[Larry]

I really thought not drinking would help with some of the things that i deal with everyday.  Maybe things are better,  but i still get negative thoughts and feelings, anxiety, out of control emotions,  and i feel alone even when i am around other people.   I am always trying to just stay out of the way, and not bother anyone.   I think i am doing better at recognising these things.   I just don't know how to handle them.  today i wanted to have just 1 drink.   I didn't 
but i think i could and i would be ok.   things have been so confusing,