Learning to heal, Larry's journey

Larry · January 18, 2024, 12:52:28 AM

thank you armee, I made myself go to the gym, i had a good workout and feel a little better. i was prescribed zoloft but i am afraid to take it, i just want to feel normal.

Bert · January 18, 2024, 08:16:04 AM

Hey Larry,

I've dipped in and out of your recovery journal over the past few months. I'm so glad to see and hear that on balance, your feeling more positive and healthier. I think the physical exercise side of it is very important - so definite congrats on getting yourself involved in sport & the gym. I think there's a lot to say for people with CPTSD in that doing "adulty", "healthy" things can make us feel more present minded, within our bodies, and feel a bit more capable and grounded.

I also wanted to chime in about Zoloft. I too was very scared with taking the medication. Roughly 18 months ago was the first time I ever did a course of Zoloft at 50mg (lasted 6 months). It was a positive influence and did help with some symptoms. I have started another course recently, this time at 100mg, which I feel I will keep to for the next 12 months and again, I can report that it is very helpful. Only begin the medication if you feel it is right for you - but I see myself in you with the apprehension. So I wanted to share that with you.

Keep looking after yourself Larry

Larry · January 19, 2024, 10:48:06 PM

thank you Bert !!

Larry · January 21, 2024, 01:48:40 PM

feeling good this morning. going to get some work done and try to go to the gym. I have an appointment coming soon with the doctor that prescribed zoloft. I still haven't taken it, not sure how this is going to go. i'm just afraid of the weight gain and mens problems it might cause. I think i can do this without meds, today is day 3 without a drink. I feel pretty good

Larry · January 22, 2024, 11:15:03 PM

I drank a lot last night, started freaking out and had to call the hotline. I am so tired of this pattern, it always starts with 1 or 2 drinks. today is day 1 again, I really want to stop. I have hydroxyzine, and it seems to help. I need to take it more often.

NarcKiddo · January 23, 2024, 12:48:54 PM

I respect you for saying what has happened and for picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and starting again.

One day at a time, Larry.

Larry · January 23, 2024, 06:26:52 PM

thank you

Hope67 · January 24, 2024, 08:56:10 AM

Hi Larry,
I am just popping by to your journal to send you a hug, and to say that I hope that you're ok today

I like what NarcKiddo said about 'One day at a time' - it's something I also like to consider, even sometimes, 'one moment at a time'.

Anyway, here is some sunshine too

Hope

Larry · January 24, 2024, 07:06:05 PM

thank you hope !
Today has been nice, day 3 without a drink, might go to the gym this afternoon. I really need to work on taking things slow,

Larry · January 25, 2024, 12:53:26 PM

feeling positive this morning, going to play pickleball, then get some work done this afternoon. really trying to focus on my health right now.

NarcKiddo · January 25, 2024, 01:33:13 PM

Good for you, Larry. I think you are right to focus on taking things slow. Enjoy the pickleball.

Larry · January 26, 2024, 07:03:53 PM

thank you NK , today is day 5, still feeling good, i know it isn't going to last long, but i am going to try to enjoy it

NarcKiddo · January 28, 2024, 12:48:59 PM

Quote from: Larry on January 26, 2024, 07:03:53 PMi know it isn't going to last long

It only has to last one day at a time. One hour at a time if need be. Looking too far ahead can be daunting.

The main thing is that you are feeling good and that you plan to enjoy it rather than fret over what might come. That is a great attitude.

Larry · January 28, 2024, 04:02:30 PM

Thank you NK !!! I don't have anything planeed for today, did some work this morning, I still feel good. I've been spending a lot of time alone. not because i want too, just don't have anyone right now. My wife and I have been getting along ok, we just don't seem to enjoy the same things.

Larry · January 31, 2024, 01:30:28 AM

sunday has not been good to me the last few weeks, after 7 days without drinking, i decided to reward myself, it didn't work out, called the hotline a few times that night. starting over again, today is day 2. I really want to go to another AA meeting, just for the support and the feeling of being accepted.
I went to the gym today, that always makes me feel a little better, it's like replacing emotional pain with physical pain.