Only just beginning to fully understand DR symptoms

[stilltrying]

This is a part of the CPTSD puzzle I definitely have grappled with, but never really addressed/understood and now its only recently dawning on me the full impact of.
From accepting dysfunctional people as friends, being the constant helper, to never expressing or expecting my own needs to be met at all....to feeling like i am unworthy with more stable, healthy people therefore sabotaging or not investing in those friendships.....i am beginning to see the role i played and how its been affected by CPTSD.
I can't quite believe it all.

Its like someone has put together a 10,000 piece jigsaw on the theme of friendship in my life, and the final piece has just been put in the middle, and i can see the whole picture.
Its a lot to digest, all at once.
A lot to process.
I can't believe how clearly i can see it all now.
And how much harder i made it for myself, unwittingly, unknowingly, all these years.
I can see clearly now there were so many kind, healthy people who wanted to be my friend, for example, but i didn't accept them because of either feeling unworthy, or 'they're not relatable' and not even giving them the chance. Or worse, when i was younger and haughty, that they are 'boring'.

I'm glad I'm learning but...wow.
Does anyone else have realisations that feels like being hit by  a tonne of bricks??