Letter to my parents in law

[rainydiary]

Dear PIL,

I dread your upcoming visit.  I am stuck in an EF and I can't figure out what is happening.  Why do you all get to me so much?

I think you all seek connection and you don't know how.  I cannot bear watching the abuse you inflict on your children.  It impacts me too because you constantly mess with my husband's mind.

You have not been kind to me since the day I met you.  You were cold and silent and excluding.  And yet you say you aren't those things.  I have witnessed time and time again how your words don't match your actions. 

I am asking myself what it is I want.  I don't want to see you all again.  You fill me with fear.  Some of the worst moments of my adult life have been at your hands.

Perhaps that is my issue.  I thought I was away from parental figures and then I married a person who is still very much trapped in his enmeshed, parentified child role.  Perhaps I feel afraid I will never be free of parents. 

The timing of your trip is horrendous.  Next week is a difficult anniversary and perhaps you didn't want to be on your own.  Yet, why is your eldest son and not a contemporary or person your own age your solace and comfort?  You do not see the negative impact your behavior has on your son.  He is already on edge and next week is going to suck.   

I cannot reconcile the human you created that is my husband with your behavior.  You are selfish, wounded people that have caused harm as parents.  You have yet to acknowledge that and given what I know of you, I don't expect that you will. 

I dread your visit.