Long posts

[Blueberry]

I have noticed some worries of over-long posts. I used to be a moderator on here so speaking from that experience though this is obviously IMO and Kizzie may see it differently and does have final say on it.

There are people who have trouble seeing and reading a whole wall of text. There were moderators in the past for whom that was the case. Also I do remember from my days moderating that it's harder to read long texts as a moderator than as a non-moderator. So the recommendation and call for shorter texts is partially for moderators and partially for other members but also partially for yourself (a generic 'you' is meant here), in case you're wondering why you don't get any or many responses. Well, maybe because your posts are too long for many mbrs. But you might not care about that and it also depends on who is active on the forum at any one time. There may be lots of long-text writers and long-text readers for quite a spell.

On the other hand, for some mbrs it's really good to finally be able to express and write!! what happened, their experiences now, their realisations etc etc. My posts tend to be long too, whether responses to others or my own posts. There are mbrs on here including me who mention things like feeling they have to explain every little thing or they might be misunderstood and know that this 'feeling that I have to' is connected to the trauma.

I and others who apologise for long posts do get reassurance and appreciation from others about the content of their posts, despite the length. Often the length isn't mentioned at all. I think generally it's better to write your experiences on the forum as long as you feel comfortable and safe enough doing that rather than in PMs partially to give everybody the option to read those important thoughts and feelings you are sharing and partially for the protection aspect for you and everybody else that come with posting on the forum according to the Forum Guidelines, which could be unwittingly bypassed on PMs. Your own Journal is a place where you can write as long as you like basically. Now if anybody goes and writes a 10-page post on theirs, be aware that Kizzie might say 'Enough is Enough' at some point

As I wrote above: imo and ime. Kizzie has last say on all this. But I think she's still taking a break except for really important forum stuff.

I hope this is reassuring and useful.

[Kizzie]

I am still not reading or posting much as the med is long acting and my anxiety although coming down still pops up so just keeping everything as calm as I can for myself.  I did want to add my thoughts to BBs though.

I go back and forth on this TBH.  I understand completely that many members have a lot to say because they've had to be silent for so long and for that reason I wouldn't want to discourage anyone.  I also think we're adults and can choose whether or not to read longer posts although sometimes I personally feel bad I don't have the wherewithal to get thru longer posts (like right now).

It is difficult if lots of members are writing long posts because it is tiring to read them on a daily basis so that's the one reason I would give for keeping them a bit shorter (so your fellow survivors will read and respond). The other thing I've often recommended is that if a post needs to be long because you're figuring something out or need to get something out, post it in your journal.

Hope this helps!  Please feel free to weigh in, I know I'm always happy to hear thoughts/ideas about the forum and how to make it better.   

[Kizzie]

Another thought before I sign off.  If you have something longer you think would be beneficial for others to read, I'm always happy to have articles for the OOTS blog.  It should be about an aspect of relational trauma/CPTSD that provides readers with insight into what we deal with, about 1000 words and like here on the forum, nothing overly graphic.  (Send them to me at OOTSManager@gmail.com).

[johnram]

I appreciate you raising this issue, i sometimes get off put by long posts, and then dont engage here for that reason

[Blueberry]

Thanks for commenting johnram. It's useful to hear from a mbr who does feel put off by long posts, put off to the extent of not wanting to engage here.

[Kizzie]

I think a good rule of thumb would be to please try & keep posts to a reasonable length (2-3 paras), so we can each get through more posts when we're online here.

(At the same time, plse be kind to new members if they write a lot at first because they really may need to be heard after a long time of being silenced. Also, if a member is consistently long in their journal I'd say that's their prerogative and members can choose to read or not read journal posts.)

Tks - K 

[Bermuda]

I am also a long text reader and writer, and now I feel the urge to explain in every detail why that is.  I over explain because I've been accused of lying about basically my whole life multiple times.

For myself, writing here is my only outlet. I also enjoy reading long posts. It's so therapeutic to write out gobbledygook and throw it into this void. I don't engage with others' posts as much as I should. I hope others reading this know that they are also seen and heard even in long format.  I just get nervous that I'll say the wrong thing.

[Papa Coco]

My heart is with you Bermuda,

Same thing happened to me. I was always being accused of lying by a family and church who didn't want the truth to be the truth. They, on the other hand had a very loose relationship with the truth. They talked out both sides of their mouths, saying one thing one day, then denying they'd ever said it the next day, then saying the exact opposite. Whatever suited them at the moment. Who knows, maybe since they knew they themselves were liars that they assumed I was one too??? But for whatever reason, I learned young that if I didn't cover every base in everything I said, and give the backstory and evidence for every point, that I'd be called an idiot, discounted, disbelieved, corrected, eye rolled... All I ever wanted in life was to be heard and believed without feeling like everything I say can and will be used against me by my own "loving" family.

And truth be told, just like you, every time I write anything, no matter how long or short, I hold my breath afteward hoping I haven't offended someone to the point that I'll be called out for the way I said it...None of that is anyone's fault, except my FOO and their religion. It's trauma. Old, childhood TRAUMA that makes folks like you and I so worried about repercussions from posting our true thoughts (Not just here on the forum, but anywhere we write or say anything). The people on this forum are beautiful souls and I feel so lucky I found them when I did. It's our FOOs that did this to us. CPTSD is just the gift that keeps on giving. Kizzie has a great point that perhaps we can move our need for longer posts off the main forum. I guess we could use the Journal section, or...I'm always open in the My Messages section if you ever want to rant or vent for more than 3 paragraphs.

[Armee]

I would enjoy reading long posts in your journals.

I generally stay away from the personal message function because it feels less safe.

[woodsgnome]

I appreciate the mix of styles found here. The main thing for me is the sincerity and depth of this group, plus the courage of being free to finally express our life's ins and outs.

Being conscious of what one is saying is perhaps a key to the 'length' debate -- in other words, learning enough self-observation, a skill that can be elusive, even scary. Along with that comes self-confidence; even harder for one who was never allowed to find their own voice.

I'm probably more of a natural essayist, so probably tend to write a bit on the longish side. Fear of being misunderstood affects me as well. Some topics are very nuanced and hard to collapse into sound bites. Then there's the fear of judgement  if I don't explain some things more fully. Sometimes I almost expect others to reject my opinions anyway -- I was almost always told I was no good and/or otherwise dismissed out of hand.

While agreeing that brevity is best as far as possible, I also honour each person's chosen way of expression -- which can include poetry, quotes, a brief essay, or a quick observation or word of encouragement.

Effective communication can touch on  some very dark places. It's all about sharing, from the heart. 

[Dante]

I can see both sides of the discussion.  On the one hand, it would be hard for the moderators to review everything when there is a lot of long text.  On the other hand, as someone who also has been known to post some long texts, I definitely resonate with being silent and invisible for all of my life up until now.  This is the first place that I have felt safe to have a voice.  Kizzie's compromise seems reasonable to me - shorter posts in reply to topics, ability to write longer in the journals.  I will say that I often struggle with what's a topic post and what's a journal post, so I don't start many new topic posts anymore just because I'm never sure if I'm in the right place!

[Blueberry]

Hi Dante,

Would it help to say that a Journal post is a post on your own Journal? So, in your case Dante's Journal under Recovery Journals.

[Dante]

Thanks, Blueberry.  Sorry that I wasn't clear - I do know where the journals are.  I simply meant that I often struggle with whether something should go in a forum thread or a journal.  If I'm honest, I'm not comfortable starting a conversation about 'me' in the forum, though I think it's fine in my journal.  It's been awhile since I wrote in the journal, and its also been awhile since I started a new thread.   I feel selfish like I'm hijacking if I write about me in the forum - that feels like I should only be supporting others there.

I know that it's a component of the enforced selflessness that I have spent my life in.  But it's where I am.

[Kizzie]

It's interesting to hear you say you feel selfish Dante, I too have struggled with that along the way.  For me the reason was twofold. First to shine a light on me was too much like being an N and that is something I never ever wanted to be. Selfishness was so diametrically opposed to the values I hold because of N abuse so talking about me didn't sit well for a really long time. Like you, helping others was what felt most comfortable.  I always liked the idea you see on here now and again though about being on a plane and needing to put our oxygen masks on first before we can help others, it kind of stuck with me over the years. 

Second and related, is that to talk about me was to be vulnerable. Some things were OK, others I didn't even say to myself much less write about here (which I think is common when we are protecting ourselves from triggering emotions/memories).

I'm fairly good with the first now - I know I'm not an N nor does talking about myself mean I'm an N. I'm still working on the second, inching forward as it were 

[Dante]

I think that's it exactly, Kizzie.  I don't want ever to be an N.  That helps.  And the avoiding of being vulnerable makes complete sense.  I think there may be something to that as well.  Something to think about anyway.  Thanks!