[sanmagic7]

i agree, notalone, it can be hard to stay in 'one step at a time' mode sometimes.  i hope you can break some of this into smaller pieces for the time being so as not to feel so overwhelmed.  i also know it's tough to do that when everything is happening at once.   do your best - it's good enough.

i'm glad for you that you got some sleep.  i find it always helps.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thank you, San.


I'm really spinning my wheels.

After church, I went to the store to buy flowers to plant in the yard. I got so overwhelmed, I just left. Then I spent an hour on future job. I got absolutely nowhere in that hour. I went to another store to buy flowers. I did manage to buy some flowers and plant those. I bought less than I usual do, because right now I'm living on my savings.

I'm feeling totally panicked, overwhelmed and incompetent about my upcoming new job. I need to be prepared, but I'm completely freaked out. I'm trying not to spiral down, but I'm not doing well. The divorce and H packing to move out adds to the overwhelm.

[Bach]

There’s so much going on for you right now, no wonder you are overwhelmed. I hope your new flowers bring you some joy. Beauty is important! As you move through this especially stressful time, the flowers will grow and so will you 

[Not Alone]

As you move through this especially stressful time, the flowers will grow and so will you 

Thank you, Bach. I love this.


I did finish one task for my new job. It needs more work, but the skeleton is finished and I was stuck before. I just went online for another technology thing I need to know. I started feeling overwhelmed very quickly, so I turned it off. I will look at it another time. Now I will look at another thing on my "figuring out my new job" list.

My ex-H was gone when I finished the first thing. He is back home. Even though there is no conversation between us, his presence adds stress to me.

[CactusFlower]

Pacing yourself is a good thing.  Wishing you energy and peace for being around him.

[sanmagic7]

yeah, the mere presence of someone like that  . . .  conversation isn't needed to make your space feel uncomfortable.  i give you a lot of credit, notalone, because you are continuing to move forward w/ the work tasks, stopping when you need to, starting up again later all in the midst of your overwhelming circumstances.  hang tough, ok?  hangin' right beside you.

i, too, loved the flower imagery.  gardening is one of my favorite things.  very grounding.  i'm so glad for you that you took the time and energy to plant.  i always think nature is food for the soul in its own special way.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Cactus Flower & San.


Ex-H is cleaning stuff out and packing. I feel a combination of sadness, loss and relief. We had bride and groom champagne glasses from our wedding. Years ago, I accidentally broke the "bride" glass when I was dusting. It really upset me. Today I held up the "groom" glass and asked if he wanted it. Ex: "I guess I'll toss it." In my mind: 'Just like you tossed away 27 years of marriage.'

I'm going to try to do a little more future job preparation. Not sure how much I can get my mind around it. I'm also going to do some Jesus journaling.

[Armee]

As someone wise told me the other day, be gentle with yourself right now. There's a lot going on with the divorce, ex-H packing and the reality of it all,  everything. The job stuff will come along. The people who promoted you have faith in your ability. For good reason. Go gentle.

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Armee. I did my Jesus journaling, which was helpful. Then I sat on the beach with a friend for a few hours. She also is going through a divorce. It was really good to spend time with her.

[Armee]

 

I'm so glad you have someone close to you who is there with you to share these burdens. 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Armee.

I've been okay the last couple of days, not overwhelmed.

[sanmagic7]

that sounds like a break you've needed, notalone, to not be overwhelmed.  glad you've got this time.

i smiled wryly at your 'wedding champagne' glass story, mostly because i can't tell you how many times those same types of words have crossed my mind at a cavalier attitude about a relationship.  i think it tells a lot from both sides.  his nonchalance about something you valued highly.  quite a separation there.  sending love and a hug full of support