Future funerals - anger and attendance

[johnram]

As i often do, i ruminate and get lost sometimes in my anger. 

Sometimes it takes me to visuals of my families funerals to come and me not attending, or if i do, i make a scene to state the truths about my family, in particular my father

I am estranged, so thats part of this also. 

curious if others can relate??

[Armee]

Yeah. My sister often said she was afraid what she might say at a funeral for our mom.  It was a moot point as my mom wanted no service.

So as much as you can kick that worry down the road maybe it's worth it but I know ruminating is not as easy to stop as people make it seem.

[johnram]

thank you, yes i have been putting it out of the head
or trying at least

[Blueberry]

I used to ruminate on future funerals and whether I could or should contain my anger.

Stopped for various reasons e.g. nobody at any family funerals is likely to understand anyway, might do me more emotional harm than any of them, boundary setting and VVVVVLC including in my mind is more important for me and my peace of mind than any thoughts, energy etc. expounded on FOO. Took me a long time to get there though. I think it's a process rather than saying one day "I'll stop now."

[johnram]

I appreciate that - thank you,

think i need to go through this process with FOO.  There is a child part in me that still hopes for a nice family, and i think he blocks me feeling some pain and neglect.  I am working through it though.

I used to ruminate on future funerals and whether I could or should contain my anger.

Stopped for various reasons e.g. nobody at any family funerals is likely to understand anyway, might do be more emotional harm than any of them, boundary setting and VVVVVLC including in my mind is more important for me and my peace of mind than any thoughts, energy etc. expounded on FOO. Took me a long time to get there though. I think it's a process rather than saying one day "I'll stop now."