still digging

[Not Alone]

love and hugs to you too, San.

[sanmagic7]

thank you all for your caring and support.  it has brought warmth to my heart this week.

still feeling unsteady most of the time.  the smallest things - like making a phone call for an appt. - can unhinge me.  this happened yesterday, and i was buzzing all day, had to take extra meds to calm me.  so, very shaky.

armee, thanks for your concern about my legs.  i have no doubt you're right.  the extra emotions that are coming up are extremely stressful.  since being diagnosed with Restless Legs Syndrome, i already suspect a disconnect in some part of my brain, and i also believe stress caused it originally.  there was a time i slept well thru the night - it wasn't until relationship/marriage trauma came onto the scene that my sleep took a nosedive.  so, yeah.  already saturated stress-wise, this therapy work has overwhelmed the system, i have no doubt.  love and hugs to you all

[Snowdrop]

 

[Armee]

 

I wish you had been treated the way you always deserved to be treated. You're a beautiful kind human.

[rainydiary]

Thinking of you San.

[sanmagic7]

snowdrop and armee, i so appreciate those hugs.  thank you

rainy, it's so sweet to know you're thinking of me.  thank you.

a new emotion popped up for me last nite - dread. never felt it before, and it hit me like i was slammed by a brick in the face. tomorrow i go for my booster and flu shots, and as much as i've tried to play off the immediate aftermath i might go thru because of them - i'm prepared, got the food i need, my D will help, i know how to be sick, etc. etc., etc - i think this came on so strongly because i've been feeling so bad for nearly 2 months now - both physically and emotionally.  last nite i dreaded the thought that i was going to feel sick again for however many days (someone said it was the happiest sick they'd ever known cuz they knew it was helping their body).  i agree with this sentiment, but feeling miserable again, even for a good cause, is overwhelming me at the moment.

i'm so friggin' tired of this crapola, i could cry.  we're watching an old tv show called 'merlin', and king arthur has been one of my ideals since i was a child.  have always loved this story, and even tho this is a different take on the traditional story, i'm totally into it.  knowing what happens to arthur in the end, well, i've already told my D i can't watch the final episode.  still, i'm so emotionally invested in this story, i'm crying every time.  tonite i'll keep tomorrow in mind and cry about it.  i just wish it would stop.

[Not Alone]

San, I enjoyed watching Merlin awhile ago.

I hope that you don't have a reaction from the booster. Whatever happens, sending you warm care.

[Armee]

Oh i would so be dreading anything that could take me down again, too. I hope that it ends up not affecting you much but when your system is already overwhelmed stessors that should be not too bad in and of themselves can also be too much for the system.

I'll be keeping toes crossed for a barely perceptible impact.

[Snowdrop]

Merlin's great. I must watch it again some time.

I hope you're feeling ok after your flu and booster shots. Sending you care.

[sanmagic7]

notalone, armee, snowdrop - your caring hugs and well wishes warm my heart.  thank you so.   

still feeling crappy. not as bad as the day after, but poopy nonetheless.

therapy this morning.  thinking of running it past her my idea of how to tackle these debilitating feelings/emotions inside me.  i'm thinking maybe we could actually target what must be there, even if i don't feel it or grasp it.  we'll see.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate the update.  I hope you feel better soon and that you accomplished what felt right to do so during your appointment.

[Armee]

Sending you a bunch of beautiful bright flowers...full of iridescent sprigs of berries and frondy green things.

I hope you and T find some tricks that work for what you describe.

It sounds similar to how I have to go through EMDR which is pretty much exclusively following body sensations because there's not much other information to go on. But I'm not sure if that is what you meant . Just writing this now makes me realize though we haven't tried to "install" positive sensations like you would a positive thought....hmmm.

[Blueberry]

  to you san.

[Not Alone]

 

[sanmagic7]

rainy, armee, blueberry, notalone - those hugs and warm wishes from you are more than appreciated.  thank you all.  much love and many hugs back to you

this morning i felt as good as i have since the shots themselves, so i think i'm on the mend.  it's been so stressful, tho, that my brain is mush.  as i was writing the above thank you's, i made about 5-6 typing errors, something that's unusual for me.  my D noticed it last night as well - i couldn't retain one request from her an hour after she gave it.  so, i'm officially still off the boards, but wanted you to know  i've seen and felt the care from everyone.  thank you.