Baiting and Bashing

[bheart]

« First edit by moderator: Wednesday, 14 October 2015, 22:58:57 by Kizzie »:
Note: Post removed by bheart

last edit by moderator: Since the original opening post had been removed and the member has since left the board, the thread has been split in two. The (now) second thread on Baiting and Bashing can be found here. Please continue the conversation on the subject there. This thread has now been locked.

[lonewolf]

Very interesting, bheart. Glad you shared this. I've had a few people like this in my live before.

[bee]

Yeah...my M loves that 'game'. It is sick. I maintain that these type of beings are not human. Humans have empathy, they do not.

[dramamama1962]

My husband of 15 years has constantly blamed everyone else for anything/everything that goes wrong in his life. Every job loss ( and there have been more than I care to count) has never been his fault. When he is "caught" & can no longer play his "blame game", he resorts to other tacticts. He is in constant flight mode. He sleeps with his car keys & wallet.  The cell phone never leaves his hand or pocket. He has no shame at all. He calls friends (mine usually because he has very few left) he calls my grown kids & tells lies about me, makes up outrageous stories, cries "suicide", etc, etc... I have recently found out about the term gaslighting. WOW!  I have been a victim of this by him for years! He shifts the blame, tells me (& others) how crazy I am & also says my memory is slipping..he never said that, did that, etc.. It is enough to make a person feel like it's true! Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. The stress is crazy!!!  Has anyone else had any experience with gaslighting? 

[Bluevermonter]

Thanks for that link, bheart.

Yep, my ex could write a "how to" bait and bash.  And baiting sometimes included gaslighting.  But relevant to this forum, I could see and feel it coming--all that power and control she exerted to make her point, which usually was that I was a flawed human. 

So why is it that I miss her???

[steamy]

I hate to say this but dramamama your husband sounds like he's one of us. These are typical narcissistic and ocd traits

Reading your post made me think of my ex partner who, no matter how I tried to share my problems with her, wanted to blame our relationship problems on me, as I was in therapy so must have been the mad one. It takes two to make a bad relationship, although I don't want to sound like I am victim blaming.

You could have a kind of co-dependent relationship where he acts out a naughty child while and you act out a stern critical parent. You both are together because on some level you both get something from that. We are inherently attracted to people who subconsciously remind us of our parents. Firestone and Catlett's Fear of intimacy is a great read.