Elpha's New Pieces

[Armee]

I'm sorry Elpha. It's hard to not have qn explanation and a solution. Let us know what the doctor says.

[tea-the-artist]

sorry you have to experience this elpha i hope the docs are validating your pain and that the surgeries can finally be done after all your waiting. fingers crossed for you!

[Not Alone]

I'm sorry that you didn't get answers. Living with pain is so difficult and exhausting.

[Elphanigh]

Thanks everyone, it is tough not knowing and I still have not yet heard back. They have a 48 hour policy so I should hear today or at very latest early tomorrow morning. It is tough to wait and sit in uncertainty especially as it deals with physical pain. I want to get this solved but I also want to be able to schedule the surgery I already know I need for a different issue. It is tough to put it off like this. I know covid makes it tougher to schedule surgeries as well which does not help...

It sort of feels as if my health stuff has taken over my life. Everything I do has to be worked around pain, appointments, potential surgeries etc. I am pretty exhausted and cannot wait to be done with it. It affects my job and my clients... this is not how I wanted to spend my first year as a clinician. Yet, here I am trying to do both.

I know there is trauma stuff I need to work on but I can't open to much of that right now because my body and mind can't take much more than the current events its going through. Life is still going but feels like it is on pause at the same time

[sanmagic7]

i hear ya, el.  at the moment, my mental health has to take priority over physical stuff, so just the opposite of what you're going thru.  i get the importance of having to focus most of my faculties on one at a time.  i certainly hope this crapola you're going thru gets resolved quickly so as to put you out of pain and more able to feel comfortable doing what you love.  sending love and a hug filled with finality and closure. 

[Not Alone]

When I got a full time job, my trauma work was on hold for awhile. The job and other life issues were all I could handle. Your plate is overflowing. There will be a time to deal with your trauma, but right now your health and your career are quite enough. 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you both for normalizing where I am at with all of this. 

My health and career have needed to be the focus. It's about all I can keep up with right now

[sanmagic7]

to my mind, that's plenty to be dealing with.  i think you're managing quite well.  you've got your priorities where you need them to be, and those are important.  keep up the good work.  you're beautiful.  love and hugs, el

[Elphanigh]

That is so wonderful to hear from you, San :big hug:  It is a lot to be managing and I am doing as well as I can. I can't completely ignore trauma stuff just because I have to watch my triggers in all of this but you are right in the fact I do not need to be doing trauma work specifically right now.

I see the doctor again Friday. I am hopeful she will just order my surgeries based on symptoms. The diet change is not doing much of anything... My symptoms happen more frequently and are worsening. I hope to be able to do two surgeries at once and get back to living life without all the chronic health issues. It is extremely exhausting and taking any extra energy I have.

If Covid were not currently spiking all of this would likely be sorted by now. It is so tough to get into doctors and get tests done.. which is not their fault but it is tougher to be patient when I know that until I get to have surgery I will continue to battle this. I had to last minute take Friday off.. not as an enjoyable PTO day but to just manage the pain I woke up in over night because I didn't know if/when it would go away. I am never sure when I am going to start hurting or feeling extremely nausoues etc... I have some foods I know make it worse for sure but most things it is a gamble with. Like some days eating is okay and others it isn't. I have slowly started to get anticipatory nausea around food. I guess, it is my bodies way of creating a defense mechanism. Although, it is not a very good one.

I am just ready to be on the other side of this but I am not sure whether Friday I will hear some solutions or just get more questions and more tests to get done... 

[Blueberry]

Thinking of you Elpha and hoping you will hear some solutions on Friday 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Blueberry. 

I am hopeful to have more information tomorrow morning. Sitting and waiting is so hard.  Especially since people around me keep getting covid and if I get covid they can no longer do surgery for almost two months... I am doing a lot of isolating, working from home, etc. But it just feels like a matter of time. I just hope that time is after I am done with surgery(s).

I have managed the anxiety a bit better this week but not a lot. My body has started getting nauseous after I eat sometimes, doesn't really matter what I eat it seems. 

I just want to be on the other side of this but it is tough to see that happening any time soon

[sanmagic7]

sitting and waiting with you, el.  having to deal with debilitating pain, well, . . .it's just horrible and my heart is with you.  much love, many hugs

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for sitting and waiting with me.  Today is a pretty bad pain and nausea day unfortunately. It is easier knowing I get to see a doctor tomorrow and hopefully have some answers.

[CactusFlower]

Gentle hugs for you. Pain days suck. I hope they can help you, but we're waiting with you.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you, CactusFlower. 

The doctor gave more uncertainties than answers but at least some options. I have to have a scope of my stomach done (waiting on scheduling), then we will go from there. She did say I could reschedule my other surgery because she doesn't believe I will need surgery for anything else that is going on which I guess is good. I will try to call and get back on their schedule. Then more diet changes, a food diary (slightly triggering for me), and a medication for the nausea.


It was a lot of information that just leads to more questions tbh but at least there are some steps forward.

I wish I had more answers and wasn't looking at several more weeks of this but I can't do anything else