Elpha's New Pieces

[Elphanigh]

Thank you, Not Alone 

I was coming here to update my journal today. I am 11 days out from surgery and doing pretty well. My ability to move around and do simple tasks has gotten a ton better. I have definitely made the mistake of overdoing it but feel like I have found a better balance now. I have been able to embrace the time off better than I expected, which is super nice. I am enjoying time to rest, play video games, read books, and be away from work. Honestly, it has been so nice to have a break from work and trauma for the last week. After the first few days of recovery, I began getting a bit more energy back and getting to enjoy the peace a bit.

Before surgery, I had some big trauma realizations and need to start to work through those when I see my therapist on Thursday but I am not certain I am prepared to do that yet. I know I have the mental/emotional energy but I am hesitant to step into it. The peace and rest have been so wonderful, I don't want to give that up. I am not yet sure if it is truly avoidance or not.  I know I need to address it. I know it is under the surface; just writing about it I can feel the difference in my body. The place to start this week is likely that feeling exactly. The need or desire to stay away from it is an emotion and feeling that is important, even if that is all I examine for now.

Anyways, surgery recovery seems to be helping my body feel better. Not 100% but it is doing a lot of good so far. I am hopeful that will continue to improve as I heal over the next month or so.

[sanmagic7]

el, so glad to hear your physical recovery is going smoothly, and it sounds like you've got some emotional/mental recovery to dig into on the horizon.  take your time, enjoy your peace - those issues will be waiting for you.  i know you'll get to them when it's best for you.  love and hugs small and gentle, but heartfelt.

[Armee]

I'm glad you are starting to feel better and have found a good balance of rest. That tough stuff that's come up I trust your instincts to know when to tackle it. All we can do is tiptoe in and see what happens slowly and back out and let it rest when we need to.

[CactusFlower]

Congrats on the physical stuff working out for you. Hope today's therapy goes well also. gentle hugs if you want them.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you all for the well wishes and also the confidence in my knowledge of when to dig into the trauma work 

My doctor's appointments both went well, recovery is going as expected which is a nice thing to hear. I am still sore and limited in activity level but each day is a little better and stronger. I am doing well and could likely go back to work next week but I am grateful to have taken the third week off.

Regarding trauma stuff, I think my inner system just new I needed time for my body to heal before jumping into trauma work. There is also just a large part of me that needed to be able to embrace some peace and rest that was mostly trauma-free for a bit. So much of my job and life is helping others with their trauma and then dealing with my own. That can be exhausting and I am glad to have had space from that for a few weeks.  We did talk about that in therapy yesterday and addressed the bits of avoidance that feel like they go deeper than that. It will be some big work but that is for next week and not this one. For now, I continue to rest and heal

[Armee]

Lots of wisdom!

I have tons of respect for your ability to manage so much trauma personally and professionally.

[paul72]

Hi Elpha
I'm glad you're healing well and getting stronger.
I like how you are "embracing peace"... just wow
I am going to write EMBRACE PEACE on a paper and put it with my other notes in my office.
Thank you... and my best wishes for continued healing physically and of course with trauma.
I hope your day is restful and kind to you.

[Elphanigh]

Armee, thank you. I try hard to be wise and to hold both my own trauma and that of the people I work with.

Phil72, I am glad the idea of embracing peace was helpful for you! It is definitely something I have grown to value a lot. I am continuing to heal and feel better each day. Glad to have another week of this before returning to life as usual.

[sanmagic7]

hey, el,

so glad you've been taking some healing time by leaving trauma work on the side for a bit.  you've worked so hard, you absolutely deserve some peace for your body and mind to heal from the surgeries.  physical healing is important in its own right, and it's also connected with a different kind of trauma, one your body went thru.  of course, your brain is part of that, too.  so glad to hear you're progressing.  i hope you can continue to be patient with yourself.  EMS is alongside of you as you continue on, as always.  love and hugs

[Elphanigh]

I know it has been nearly 2 months since I last wrote here. Man, it has been a full two months!

It has been almost 10 weeks since I had major surgery and time has flown. I am feeling a ton better and feeling better than my pre-surgery self. Things aren't perfect but at the moment I don't have to see any doctors until like October and that is just for a normal check up.

My trauma work got kicked into overdrive (not intentional). April was a huge month for trauma healing. I feel like a different person than I was when I last wrote here in some sense. I had a lot of processing of large traumas, shifting of some core beliefs, and acceptance of things that I hadn't had before. It was a load of work but I am grateful I did it.

I feel like my relationship with my partner has grown a lot. We hit our 6 month mark last week and I am excited for hopefully the next six months. We are on the same page and this relationship feels healthier than any I have ever been in. I look forward to seeing where it goes.

As a therapist, I am coming more and more into my own. It is tricky and definitely has some big learning curves but I am grateful to be growing into it. I feel like I have gotten to be a better clinician in the last few months and am hopeful that continues.

Anyways, those are all the life updates. I could delve in but I think an over view is best, given that I start my day of clients soon.

[sanmagic7]

my dear el, this is such wonderful bunches of news on so many levels.  foremost, i'm glad you're feeling better and that gunk is behind you.  very happy to hear you're in a healthy, stable relationship, too.  well done to both of you!     as to the clinician part, well, you know i never had any doubt you'd not only be great at it, but would also learn and grow into broader perspectives and horizons.  and, i give you full credit for tackling all that trauma stuff and you've come out the other side stronger and feeling better about you.  much love and a hug filled with possibilities!

[Armee]

Wow. It all sounds so huge, E. 

[woodsgnome]

My overview of your overview:

               

[Elphanigh]

I know I don't come here very often or for very long when I am here. I think of everyone here regularly though.

Here's the major updates: I moved to a different apartment this last weekend and will be finishing the move this Sunday. It is not far from my old place but it less rent and better for a few other things.

Even more major, is I started a new job Monday. I have been there four full days and look forward to spending more time settling in. I am going to work primarily with kids and a children's advocacy center. So I will see kids after they go through some tough traumas and help them heal in the aftermath. Not all of my caseload will be that (it would be very heavy if I did). I will have some teenagers and then probably two adults to even things out. I am so excited to be in a space where I can use more of my play therapy skills and grow into truly being a play therapist. I feel like that is where I am best at creating impact. It is nerve wracking as I know it is close to my own traumas but it feels different than working with trauma adults as a therapist. It is scary to start over in so many ways at once but I am glad to be able to have the opportunity.



Then brings me the trauma stuff. I have had so many new memories coming back. I learned that my D has sexually and physically abused me... my Uncle was more violent and longer lasted than I knew.  It is a lot to take in and honestly it is on the back burner this week as I move forward through the new job and such. I have had some big triggers but am some how still functioning. It takes a lot of help from others (which is a challenge to accept). I am excited to have some down time soon.

[Blueberry]

Hi Elpha I'm happy for you for all your progress and for how you've moved on and forwards inspite of, well, everything. I'm sad so much trauma is still coming up. And I wonder how you manage to keep going despite that. But you do!