Release in a church

[Gromit]

I hope the title is not upsetting for anyone, just not sure what to call it.

I do not do well at Christmas time, I cannot really put it into words but I will be glad when things are back to normal.

Today I was out walking my dog and came through the church yard, there was a sandwich board up but the entrance announcing that the church was open for 'head space, soul space, prayer' it is normally locked when there is no service taking place. Even though I had the dog with me I walked back towards the church, feeling emotion just welling up. Inside the porch were signs about sanitising and wearing masks, but no masks available, and, whilst I could have pulled my snood up over my face, I did not want to risk entering without a mask on so I swallowed everything back down and walked away.

The only other time this has happened was when I was in hospital with my DD, I had been out, and was walking back to the ward but decided to find the prayer or contemplation room, even before I got to it that same swell of emotion came brimming up and I barely made it in there before sobbing. (It was a hard period, and I was on the ward with my DD 24/7 apart from breaks to eat, or shop).

I do not know why it is coming up now, apart from the anxiety I have over Christmas, everyone being at home, my OH and his moods.

Does anyone else have this experience with religious places? I am not religious. I can be alone plenty of times when I am out walking but I do not have that same feeling of a dam being breached, and I have tried at times, in quiet places.

G

[woodsgnome]

Much of my early abuse took place in churches and church settings. Nonetheless I felt a strange attraction to those sorts of places -- minus the people! My contradictory attraction, however,  stems from what you refer to, Gromit -- the quiet, and often the distinctive contemplative atmosphere of a particular place.

The best church in my life these days is one that I have daily access to -- the forested lands my house and property are nestled into. In that sense, too, my own self-built house functions as a 'church' of sorts.

That peaceful contemplative function need not be connected to a religion or religious people, but just be an environment given to enhancing one's own built-in sense of peace -- if it survived those traumas involving people. In my case, some of them could experience the same aura in those surroundings, but chose instead to act out in senseless, inhumane ways. One word for them is hypocrites -- my own term for them is the "Gawd-awfuls". Despite them, I still was able to notice the beauty inside those sorts of places, even if experienced through tears.

Take those creepy people out, though, and I can definitely relate to your post in a positive light, Gromit. Thank you.

[rainydiary]

Gromit, when I was in secondary school my family lived in Europe.  We often visited cathedrals and other types of religious buildings.  I felt a sense of peace when visiting those places.  I don't feel that way if attending a service.  But I could often feel the humanity that had passed through the doors seeking whatever ease and comfort they needed. 

[Gromit]

  We often visited cathedrals and other types of religious buildings.  I felt a sense of peace when visiting those places.  I don't feel that way if attending a service. 

whenever I have attended a service, other than a funeral, I have been thoroughly confused by what is going on, why, and how does everyone know what to do, so services are not for me.

Churches, as Woodsgnome said, 'minus the people' and other old buildings also have an effect on me, unfortunately the church was locked up again today, I missed my chance to release whatever was building inside.

Thanks for responding.

G