Wedding Planning with a BPD Mom

[Lta402]

Hey Y'all

I'm wedding planning for an August wedding, and I'm struggling to keep boundaries with my BPD mom, who is not so secretly making my day about herself. She even chose my wedding dress, which is pretty, but also not what I wanted. I'm not so sure what to do with setting boundaries with her. Has anyone else done wedding planning with a BPD mom? What was it like for you? What worked well for you? Honestly looking for any advice y'all can give me!

Peace,
Rose

[Armee]

Congratulations! That's really exciting!

My mom also had BPD so I empathize with what you are going through and know that the behaviors are as damaging as narcissistic abuse but with less general understanding and probably more guilt.

As much as you can keep your needs and wants front and center for this day that is clearly YOUR day and many other days as well. What do you want and need? If that can guide your choices all the better. YOU matter.

[paul72]

Congratulations to you!
I unfortunately have two experiences of this  and little in the way of advice, even after eloping the second time 
Good for you for reaching out with plenty of time ahead.. I wish I even understood any of it at the time.
I know it's not easy ... but I know with support you will be okay
Sincere best wishes for you and your partner... you've got this!

[Kizzie]

I gave my family tasks to do I knew they would handle well and that would keep them from getting too involved in things that were important to me.

And although I didn't quite know I had CPTSD and that they were abusive at the time, I did stand my ground and say a firm "No" when they started getting pushy or creating drama. I remember my NM asked me to wrap birthday gifts for my F the night before my wedding (his bday was close to our wedding date) with everything that was going on.  I refused and said I was just a little busy with my wedding. I was too busy to worry about whether her feelings were hurt or not.

The other thing I remember reading somewhere I wished I'd thought of is finding a "minder" for parents who are likely to cause drama. That is, someone you can tell about them maybe drinking too much or trying to grab centre stage and who will agree to keep them occupied/entertained throughout the important bits of your day.