Not Alone: 2022

[rainydiary]

I am sorry for the harm you have experienced. 

[Armee]

 

That guilt is his to own. You did your best and you don't need to take ownership for his parenting failures. I agree that you will probably recognize and feel the depths of the harm done to you once you are away from it. That will need some grieving but I bet there will be such a relief too.

[Not Alone]

Thank you Rainy and Armee.

[Bach]

Thinking of you, Not Alone.

[Not Alone]

I'm not feeling too good about the way I found out about that change. It was mentioned in a meeting with most of the staff and not told to me individually. I hope it was a matter of one person thinking that the other person was going to tell me. I'm going to talk to my supervisor about that on Tuesday. I am nervous about that kind of conversation, but in the past I have felt heard by her.

I spoke to my supervisor today. She apologized. I still feel unsettled about it, but I've done what I can.

[Armee]

 

You communicated your feelings and that is important. In the future she'll know that blindsiding you is not the best approach and hopefully it doesn't happen that way again.

[sanmagic7]

   this work crapola is the pits!  i think you did really well, notalone.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thanks, Armee & San.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed and stupid regarding my future new position at work. Being overwhelmed doesn't help because I think my frontal lobe shuts down. I should try to take a break from thinking about it. New job doesn't start until July.

[sanmagic7]

i agree, notalone.  i hope you can take a break, set it on the back burner for a couple months.  maybe it can begin slowly by slowly to come back, pieces at a time, small enough to manage yourself into a more comfortable zone.  best to you with this, my dear.  love and hugs

[Snowdrop]

You've got a lot going on, Not Alone. Taking a break from thinking about the work stuff sounds perfectly reasonable, and a kindness to yourself.

[Not Alone]

I'm not feeling too good about the way I found out about that change. It was mentioned in a meeting with most of the staff and not told to me individually. I hope it was a matter of one person thinking that the other person was going to tell me. I'm going to talk to my supervisor about that on Tuesday. I am nervous about that kind of conversation, but in the past I have felt heard by her.

I spoke to my supervisor today. She apologized. I still feel unsettled about it, but I've done what I can.

My supervisor brought this up within a conversation. I felt her regret over how she handled that. I feel finished or settled about it now.

[Snowdrop]

It sounds like she's reflected on what happened, and her regret is genuine. It also confirms that when you spoke to her, she heard you and took your words on board.

I know how disruptive feeling unsettled can be, so I'm glad you feel settled about it now.

[sanmagic7]

`hey, notalone, as i was told by someone here, parenting is the responsibility of all parents involved.  his avoidant personality is what's wreaking havoc and damage on your children.  you couldn't prevent what you weren't aware of.  take your time and be as gentle w/ yourself as possible, ok?  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Snowdrop and San. Your care and wisdom means a lot to me. 

[Not Alone]

My doctor of 20 years left the practice. I saw someone new today. I needed refills on my headache meds and on xanax. She wanted me to see a neurologist and a psychiatrist. She also wanted some tests done. When I said no, she asked why. I told her it was triggering to me. She said, "It's only. . ." I'm not willing to jump through her hoops and she isn't willing to see me as a patient. She gave me a prescription for 10 xanax. I'm was distressed from what happened that I needed to take a xanax.

I made an appointment with a different doctor from my original doctor's practice, in 4 weeks. I hope I don't go through the same thing again.

I continue to be triggered by the doctor. I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription for the few xanax and the headache meds that she was willing to prescribe to me. I found out that she had prescribed a totally different headache medicine, that was not covered by insurance and she never even told me.  I did not get the headache meds.

I had my appointment with a new doctor today. It went well. She was kind and helpful. Relief.