Not Alone: 2022

Snowdrop · January 21, 2023, 05:04:22 PM

I can see why it was triggering with the other doctor. You definitely did the right thing going to see a new one. I'm glad it went so well, and you were treated with kindness and respect.

Armee · January 21, 2023, 07:04:55 PM

Oh thank goodness. That is a huge relief. I can't believe (but can) how poorly the other new doctor treated you.

Not Alone · January 21, 2023, 08:26:22 PM

Thanks Snowdrop & Armee.

I had a virtual meeting with a lawyer today. The group is a ministry; they give counsel, but they don't represent you. I was given helpful and verifying information. My H met with a different attorney from the same ministry and he was given different information. He might have left out really important pieces of information.

We'll see what happens next. My H is being courteous lately.

I need to try not to get too far ahead right now and get overwhelmed. Divorce is so painful.

Blueberry · January 21, 2023, 08:48:41 PM

to you notalone

Papa Coco · January 21, 2023, 09:31:37 PM

Not Alone · January 22, 2023, 03:13:12 AM

Thank you Blueberry and Papa Coco. I need those hugs tonight. It's been a tough day. The door to more grief seems to have opened and I've cried at different times throughout the day. My H and I have had conversations about how assets will be split. That in itself is distressing. For me, feeling like things are being taken from me-----feels like r____.

rainydiary · January 22, 2023, 04:53:10 AM

I am thinking of you.

Snowdrop · January 22, 2023, 06:38:01 AM

That sounds so hard, Not Alone. I get how distressing it must be. Is there anything you can do to bring comfort to yourself? I have a soft, comforting blanket to put around your shoulders, and some new tea for you to try if that would help.

This is just a suggestion, but when things get too much for me, I find Bach Rescue Remedy helps. I either put four drops in a cup of tea and sip it, or put them on my tongue. I find it helps lift the distress so that I can cope better. Just a thought.

Armee · January 22, 2023, 04:19:15 PM

Hey Not Alone. I'm here with you. It does feel that way, like r____ and you may be even triggered back to that time right now, not just that it is like r____ but that parts of this experience have triggered you and you are now having flashbacks and reexperiencing the past too. I have found when the past has been triggered and the present is equally traumatic in it's own right and the two collide and overlap....those have been the hardest moments of my life. Lots of compassion to you, Not Alone. This is hard. Really hard.

Blueberry · January 22, 2023, 10:41:05 PM

Sending support notalone

We are here for you.

Not Alone · January 25, 2023, 03:42:40 AM

It seems that the last page of my journal has disappeared. At first I distrusted my memory of what I wrote, but I'm confident that I wrote about certain things. It is probably because of the IT work that was done on OOTS. I'm not too distressed by it.

I'm not going to repeat what I had written. I will just say that I talked to my T about an issue with the divorce that is tied in to my trauma. It helped to have him understand and not freak out over what I said. There's more, but I don't want to put it into writing.

Armee · January 25, 2023, 04:46:14 AM

I'm sorry you lost what you wrote.

Even though you can't write it here I'd like to send along love and support for what you are going through related to your divorce and trauma. It must be painful and difficult and I wish you as much peace as possible moving through that pain. I'm glad your T is there.

sanmagic7 · January 25, 2023, 06:22:29 AM

pain and trauma connected to divorce - i'm here w/ you notalone, along w/ the others. love and hugs

Snowdrop · January 25, 2023, 06:33:31 AM

I remember reading the journal entry that's gone missing. I'm glad you were able to talk to your T. I'm glad he understood.

Not Alone · January 28, 2023, 12:00:36 AM

Armee, San & Snowdrop, thank you for your care. Snowdrop thank you for affirming that you had seen what I had written. With dissociation, I at times doubt myself.

I am feeling discouraged and incompetent about my job.

Feel grief, tired, angry about the divorce.

My H has filed. I have not received notification. It's public record though. When I got home today, I had 4 letters from lawyers wanting to represent me. I feel like bait with vultures circling overhead.

A couple of days ago I talked to a friend who understands the financial side of divorce. He explained things more clearly than anyone else up until now. I grateful for his support and help.