Not Alone: 2022

[Armee]

I'm so sorry Not Alone. You know, if you just can't, it is even for this very important holiday ok to say you just can't. We have breaking points. I passed mine and it took 1.5 years to recover. Your family would understand. This is an enormously difficult time.

[Not Alone]

I am not okay. Can't. Hopeless. How do I keep going?

[Armee]

You keep going knowing that when the dust has settled you have a chance to build a life that makes you feel safe and fulfilled. Until then, take care of you and Littles. Cancel things. Rest.  Make the next best step. 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Armee.
Sat by a friend at church. She knows me and my situation well.
Dinner and time with family was okay. Always hard to be around H, but it was mostly okay.
Tomorrow I need to be on for work. Yesterday I could hardly function at all. Things are hard, but not as dark as yesterday and this morning. Hopefully I'll be okay at work.

[Blueberry]

 

[rainydiary]

Best wishes for work and the week ahead.

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Blueberry & Rainy.

Being at work has been helpful.

H is back to considering finding a place to live and me keeping the house. Just considering. No promises. I'm trying to protect my heart from false hope.

I had a nightmare last night. I was in college and living with two other women. There was something in the house that terrifies me. I don't even want to name it, because it feels too vulnerable. The dream makes sense for adult me and for all the Littles.

[Armee]

It sounds like a really valid fear the nightmare is bringing up. 

I'll hold extra hope for you so that you can keep protecting your heart. 

[rainydiary]

Thinking of you Not Alone. 

[sanmagic7]

still with you thru all this, notalone.  it's so very, very much you're dealing w/.  i wish i could do or say more, but want you to know you are not alone.  at least not virtually.  glad you got to sit next to a friend at church.  some bit of comfort, at least.   love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Still here with you, notalone. Wishing you peace and a smooth process as much as possible. Gentle hugs if you want them.

[Not Alone]

Armee, Rainydiary, San, & Sage,
Your continued kindness and support encourages me.

Latest news: H has been approved for a loan. The townhouse was off the market, but now is available for sale. He is moving forward to buy it. I am still trying to protect my heart.

Also, the friends who had offered to rent me a room were buying a house.  Their contract has fallen through.

[Armee]

Mixed bag there! Fingers crossed that he doesn't pull anything and is a good person for this situation.

[Not Alone]

Yes, thank you Armee.

I've spent a fair share of the weekend going over the divorce agreement. There were some errors in the numbers, which resulted in me doing a lot of math. Even with knowing the correct numbers, there was an error. Thankful that I have a friend, who used to be an accountant, to help me sort through all of this.

H is still moving forward to buy the townhouse. The latest agreement has me keeping the house. I need all this to be over.

I am staying at a friend's house, cat sitting. It is good to be out of the house and away from H. I was feeling a bit more relaxed, but just spent three hours going over the divorce agreement, so stress is up.

[Blueberry]