Not Alone: 2022

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Not Alone

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #435 on: March 03, 2023, 01:49:01 AM »
I had a private meeting with the divorce mediator last night. She went beyond her "role" to try and help me. The information that she gave to me was stuff that I need to know. However, I left the meeting with the message that I can't afford to live. That is with income from my future new job. I'm so depressed. I went to a training meeting at work for my future job and I thought, "I don't even know if I will be there." I don't know how I'm going to keep going. I have adult kids and I must keep going. I'm already under a pile of weight that is WAY too much. Then more weight falls on me. I do not know how to get through this. Somehow I made it through work today. I can't do this.

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Armee

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #436 on: March 03, 2023, 04:03:58 AM »
 :bighug:


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Blueberry

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #437 on: March 03, 2023, 11:56:20 AM »
 :bighug: Standing with you. Knowing you don't have enough money to live off is very unsettling and worrying. It messes with everything ime.
Sending strentgth and support!

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natureluvr

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #438 on: March 03, 2023, 01:12:41 PM »
I had a private meeting with the divorce mediator last night. She went beyond her "role" to try and help me. The information that she gave to me was stuff that I need to know. However, I left the meeting with the message that I can't afford to live. That is with income from my future new job. I'm so depressed. I went to a training meeting at work for my future job and I thought, "I don't even know if I will be there." I don't know how I'm going to keep going. I have adult kids and I must keep going. I'm already under a pile of weight that is WAY too much. Then more weight falls on me. I do not know how to get through this. Somehow I made it through work today. I can't do this.

It sounds quite overwhelming and scary.  I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers on your behalf. 

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Not Alone

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #439 on: March 04, 2023, 03:59:24 AM »
Thank you Armee, Blueberry & Natureluvr.

On top of what I was already feeling, my H did something this morning, that on the outside looked kind, but to me felt manipulative. Again, this was before work. I had a very hard time pulling myself together to work. I wasn't 100% successful at that. A friend at work asked how I was and I shared with her. Her compassion helped. The afternoon was better. On the way home from work I called a friend to process what had happened with my H. She confirmed that what he did was manipulative and was about him. I'm tired of dealing with this crazy-making avoidant behavior.

I had a horrible dream about my son last night. In my dream, my heart was being torn apart by grief. My anguished crying woke me up. Even now, 20 hours after the dream, I'm really disturbed.

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Armee

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #440 on: March 04, 2023, 08:47:46 AM »
 :bighug:

Those dreams are absolutely gut wrenching. I've had similar and it truly feels as if it has really happened in terms of the mental and physical distress. I'm so sorry you are managing the nightmare hangover on top of the financial stress and divorce grief and then H's manipulation on top of that.

 :grouphug:

There are so many big losses piling up for you and I can imagine moving away from your son is one of the more painful losses? Sending lots of love as you go through this weekend and grapple with the uncertainty and loss.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #441 on: March 04, 2023, 05:01:46 PM »
i echo everything armee said, notalone.  you've got so much on your plate right now w/o the added misery of manipulations and nightmares.  know that i'm with you thru it all, right beside you.  hang tough, ok?  much love and a hug full of a soft cloud on which to rest your weary being if only for a little while. :hug:

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Not Alone

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #442 on: March 04, 2023, 08:37:13 PM »
Armee, you are right about the impact of the dream and also about the sadness that I will no longer be living with my son.

San, thank you for being by my side. You are such a kind and loving person.

I was working on some future job technology stuff earlier. I'm feeling overwhelmed now, so I'll walk away for the time being.

I'm very confused and in a dilemma about a future place to live. I don't understand finances and I certainly don't understand the real estate market. Advice that I have received from financial experts is that I can't afford to live. Well, that is what I hear. I know that for my heart and for the Littles, I need a safe place to live. My hope through all of this has been to have a safe haven. If that is not possible . . . ?????

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rainydiary

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #443 on: March 05, 2023, 04:07:51 AM »
Not Alone, I wanted to share that Iíve been reading and havenít been sure what words to write.  I am here with you even if I donít say much. 

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Not Alone

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #444 on: March 05, 2023, 04:38:11 AM »
Thank you, Rainy. I appreciate you.

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Blueberry

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #445 on: March 05, 2023, 09:37:58 AM »
I hear you Not Alone. And I get it too from own experience. Sending support  :grouphug:

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Not Alone

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #446 on: March 06, 2023, 12:45:34 AM »
Thank you, Blueberry.

I talked to a friend today who recommended that I talk to an attorney. She stated, "This is your life." I have emailed a message to one practice asking if they consult and the cost.

There are multiple reasons for my hesitancy to meet with an attorney.
1) cost
2) If I'm given information that things should be different than what is discussed with the divorce mediator
     - how do I know if that information is accurate or do they just want me to hire them and it will cost a lot of money?
     - I don't feel like I have the emotional capacity or mental ability to fight for myself
3) I feel like I'm being deceitful. When H first talked about divorce, he said that we would divide things evenly (too much to say about that) and neither of us would lawyer-up. I'm starting to process this. Was that a set-up?

This is emotionally confusing to me. I guess I need to do what I have to in order to take care of myself. So far I've only contacted one firm. Hopefully they will respond soon and it will lead to confirmation as opposed to confusion and even more stress and complexity.

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rainydiary

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #447 on: March 06, 2023, 02:00:11 AM »
❤️
This feels like a life situation where we need a guide and it is difficult to find that as well as build trust in others and self.  It is hard to feel safe and supported.  I hope that you continue to find ways to build a support network that will help you through this.

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Armee

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #448 on: March 06, 2023, 05:20:36 AM »
 :hug:

Perhaps a lot of the reasons on your list of why you are hesitant are also the very reasons getting a lawyer are a good idea. (I agree with your friend, AND totally understand why you feel hesitant.) If you are getting information that you won't have enough to live on, while just a year or so ago the financial advisor told you and H back when you weren't working that you all had plenty of money for H to retire than to me that seems a little off. You deserve to have someone fighting for YOU.

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CactusFlower

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Re: Not Alone: 2022
« Reply #449 on: March 06, 2023, 06:25:28 PM »
I agree with Armee. You definitely need someone on your side. You can always ask the attorney not only how many cases they've completed successfully, but also (if anything is different) make them explain fully. Fortunately, many attorneys make time for free consultations, even if they're short. Flat-out ask them if they think you have a case and what the chances are of getting what you need. A good one will answer that.  We're rooting for you here!  Gentle hugs