Not Alone: 2022

Started by Not Alone, January 01, 2022, 02:35:37 PM

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Not Alone

The attorney called this morning on my way to work. I thought it would be a fairly quick call to set up an appointment. Instead he asked a lot of questions. I had to pull over to look at the financial information. I sensed his frustration over my lack of understanding over financial matters. He did tell me the bottom line of the law regarding what I need to understand regarding my situation.

I was late for work. Anything dealing with the divorce is upsetting to me. Feeling the lawyer's frustration with me made me feel stupid. By the time I got to work I was very shaken. I ended up crying and a coworker was supportive.

The lawyer is in the same complex as my therapist. I emailed him and asked if he knew about him. He said he only heard things from other sources to be cautious about. I will see my therapist tomorrow.

With the information that the attorney gave me, I'm wondering if I have the information that I need and that I should not hire the attorney. 

sanmagic7

it ticks me off that the atty. was impatient w/ you, notalone.  that's his area of expertise - why would he expect someone outside his profession to know everything?  that's on him, not you.  i'm glad you'll talk to your T about it.  at the least, you deserve an atty. who is patient, kind, and helpful, not one who makes you feel stupid.  i don't have a good feeling about him.  but that's just my opinion.  best to you - divorce is messy and stressful at the very least.  and, absolutely distressing and upsetting.  love and hugs :hug:

Armee

I agree with San. And like finding a therapist you get to shop around to find one who is a good fit. This one is not if he makes you feel that way. Keep looking, please.

I don't know if it'll make you feel any better, but when I was stuck as executor of my mom's will, I went to the attorney who had inherited her file from the attorney who had helped my mom write the will. I confessed as she talked about all these legal terms and the things I had to do with taxes and the house and filing this and that with the state and on and on I said "is it normal to feel this confused about the process? I'm so lost!" You know what she said? In a cold harsh voice: "no it's really not normal." Ouch. But I knew under it all that it is normal and that if I ever go draw up a will with an attorney I would never ever use her.

There's nothing wrong with you that you are lost and confused and don't understand the financial world. It's normal. It's a confusing landscape. It's OK to not understand. But you do need someone on your side to help you who will empower you not make you feel bad.

I'm sorry. This sucks.  :grouphug:

Blueberry

Quote from: Armee on March 08, 2023, 02:27:41 PM
There's nothing wrong with you that you are lost and confused and don't understand the financial world. It's normal. It's a confusing landscape. It's OK to not understand. But you do need someone on your side to help you who will empower you not make you feel bad.

:yeahthat:

Just wondering how you're doing Notalone? No reply necessary.   :hug: :hug:

Not Alone

Thank you San, Armee, & Blueberry. I appreciate your thoughts, suggestions & checking in on me.

I decided not to go with an attorney. He told me what I need to know.

Last weekend we saw the divorce mediator again. It did not go well. H saw her alone after that. I will see her alone tomorrow. I just need this to be done. It has gone way past my coping abilities. I don't know what she will say or even how much I will understand, but I need this to end.

I haven't even started looking for a place to live. Renting, buying. . . tough to find anything that I can afford.

I need to sit down and write down what I need to do, who I need to contact. I spend so much time being fairly rattled, so hard to think and organize.

Armee


Blueberry

Standing with you Notalone :bighug:

CactusFlower

gentle hugs, notalone.

sanmagic7

with you all the way, notalone.  that whole moving thing is so huge, and going thru what you're going thru is going to take its own toll.  not surprised you're feeling rattled.  it's a tough place to work on something like moving.  love and hugs  :hug:

Not Alone

Thank you, Armee, Blueberry, CactusFlower, & San.

On top of everything else, there has been an ongoing problem with my relationship with a friend. Her texts are really confusing and contradictory. I have offered to seek some degree of repair by meeting with a mediator, but she has refused. She is feeling more and more unsafe. Unfortunately, she is in some of my social circles. It has been more than uncomfortable.

I continue to spend most of my time in the little bedroom in our house. There are times that I feel like I can't stand it any longer. I don't want to be anywhere near my H though.

rainydiary

I am glad you have a spot in your home that feels safe and yet also hope sooner than later you have more room to yourself.  Other people are so complicated and I hope you find some ease as you keep stepping through all this mud.

Armee

I'm so sorry your friend is acting so strange. Ugh!

The move and all the changes are deeply upsetting but being in your own space away from H will be the silver lining. It's so much, Not Alone

:hug:

We're here

sanmagic7

yes, indeed, we're here, notalone. :grouphug:

i've had to eliminate friends as well as others because of the realization that they weren't safe for me.  it's a tough decision.  listen to your gut, ok?  love and hugs :hug:

Not Alone

Rainy, Armee, & San,

I greatly appreciate your support. The situation with the friend is even more difficult because she is part of a group that I belong to. The group is supportive of me and I don't want to walk away from it. The whole situation is really weird. I don't want to spend the time going into details and I have others in my life with whom I've shared details. It makes the Littles scared.

Quote from: rainydiary on March 20, 2023, 01:35:25 AM
I am glad you have a spot in your home that feels safe and yet also hope sooner than later you have more room to yourself. 

Rainy I appreciate what you said. I am grateful for a place that feels safe and I needed to remember that.

Not Alone

Please do not give advice. I have spoken to a lawyer and the law does not help me.

I mostly was home with my kids. I did some part time work. In the divorce, financially, it is unfair. I lose. I'm angry.