New, Lonely, struggling, need some support.

Unicornsandrainbows · April 19, 2015, 08:45:35 PM

Hi All,

im Jemma. 28. mother of 3, abuse survivor and sufferer of cptsd.

Totally new to this site. Im in a bad place right now and feel like I need to reach out and talk to others like me.
Feel so not right in my own body today and feel like I want to just sleep forever. I don't want to die, I just don't want to be me, who ever I am!
sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, Ya know?

Rrecovery · April 19, 2015, 10:06:18 PM

Hi Jemma and Welcome

I hear how much you are suffering right now. I'm glad you have reached out to this forum. It is a safe and nurturing place. Cptsd is a challenging condition, it helps to be in this together

keepfighting · April 20, 2015, 04:24:28 PM

Hello and welcome to OOTS!

It takes a lot of courage to post that first message and I am glad you did.

This is a good place to find support and information and feel less alone.

Unicornsandrainbows · April 20, 2015, 08:35:31 PM

Thanks guys. Had a really bad day today again. Just started the police proceedings against someone in relation to why I have CPTSD in the first place. It's all so raw again.
I live in a place where I know no one and feel so isolated at times too.
Counselling starts next week, meds do t seem to be helping much at the moment either. X

Trees · April 21, 2015, 12:21:16 AM

Hi Jemma, it takes a lot of courage to start police proceedings against an abuser. Good for you !!! I hope it turns out well. I would love to hear how that process works for you.

So glad you are here!

Unicornsandrainbows · April 21, 2015, 06:23:40 AM

Thank you. I'll keep you all updated. I did a video interview last week. They're just compiling evidence at the moment. It's going to be a long, drawn out process. It could take months for the prosecution even decide if there is enough evidence to charge the person.

I'm having terrible nightmares at the moment. If they would just go away then I'm fairly sure I would feel a bit better. I have real trouble sleeping as it is.
X

Rrecovery · April 21, 2015, 01:02:53 PM

Hi Jemma, Sounds like this is a time of tremendous change for you; changes that come from a place of self-value and self-care. Good for you

I hear how painful it is right now, however. Have you read Pete Walker's book on Cptsd? It talks about Emotional Flashbacks (EF). They are like flashbacks in ptsd, but primarily emotional in nature. They can feel quite intense and last for hours, days or months. He talks about how to address EFs in the book - the info is probably also on this site. Hope you feel and sleep better soon.

Boatsetsailrose · April 22, 2015, 08:46:34 PM

Hello Jemma
I can v much relate to 'not feeling right in your own body - and wanting to sleep -
For me some days it's remembering to breathe deeply - mediate and do something I enjoy - anything no matter how small...
In time we feel better and the bad day is followed by a better one-
Writing is good - getting it out on paper in a journal book - ( I'm saying that but I'm not that good at doing it .. But when I have it has helped - sometimes just a page of swear words !

It's good u are starting counselling - we need others to validate us - v important to be heard -

I wish u all the v best on your recovery journey

Hope is always there - it just gets cloudy sometimes - dark before the dawn
X Emma