You sound eminently sane to me Boatsetsailrose. I relate absolutely to what you say: [/i]I've reached a level where my self care self love and who allow into my space is so important to me .[/i]
Over the past year or so I have reached a similar healthy state, As a result I have ended friendships where I felt the other person was using me (I'm a good listener and a 'people pleaser') and showing little to no respect for me and who I am and what I now feel I need from a friendship: mutuality, kindness, respect, openness and generosity.
Over the years I've let some friendships drift on because I didn't want to hurt the other person and I felt I should put in the effort to understand her and absorb the hurts she inflicted on me. No more. Cutting ties that were 30 to 40 years old has taken courage from me but the relief I feel from no longer having to manage these fraught friendships is huge and I have no regrets about the action I've taken.
In fact it was telling to me that three of these long term friends immediately accepted my wishes and cut off all ties with me. To me that's a tell tale sign of someone who was using me for their own purposes. If they had felt respect and warmth for me, I feel they would have tried to save the relationship, or at least discuss my concerns, but they didn't.
Healthy, sane me says 'good riddance'. That's energy I've saved to give to those few more recent friends who engage with me as I am now in a fulfilling and respectful manner.
As for reading on toxic people, maybe the Out of the Fog site would be useful, if you haven't already looked there.