How to get in to a friend making mindest?

[BrotherAughra]

Hey, all. I haven't been able to make friends in years because I no longer have jobs where I talk to my co-workers and school/work are the only ways I knew how to meet people. I don't really know how to even start a friendship.

I also find people very intimidating in general. I am afraid to approach people because I worry that me looking at or talking to them will make them angry. When people talk to me, I get scared because I worry they just want me to do things for them, or that when they learn more about me, they'll dislike me or not understand me. I just end up trying to end any interaction as quickly as possible because being alone feels the safest. I end up telling myself that I don't have anything to offer anyway.

I know always being alone or alone with my boyfriend isn't good for me. I miss the new perspectives and experiences friendship can bring. We both wish we had more friends. I just don't know how to deal with instant shame and fear I feel when anyone notices me. Has anything worked for others on the forum?

[NarcKiddo]

I am generally scared of people.

I find online interactions in a kindly forum to be very beneficial. So in my opinion you have found a good place, here, to try that.

I'd like to make some closer friendships but feel the need to have more confidence in myself and my reactions. Over the last year I have made an effort to communicate with people I see in my day to day life. Shop assistants, baristas, people at my gym. Just to get a feeling for a pleasant social interaction even if it is only to moan with someone about the awful weather, as we Brits love to do.

I've recently plucked up the courage to join an art class where I am hoping to gain some longer term contacts. We shall see. It is going well so far but I am  being cautious and taking things at my own pace. Everyone is fine with that, and being in a class environment helps because the focus is on something external rather than just me. Some sort of class or something like a walking group might be good for you? Maybe not at the beginning but something to work up to.

Good luck.

[Lakelynn]

I have made an effort to communicate with people I see in my day to day life. Shop assistants, baristas, people at my gym. Just to get a feeling for a pleasant social interaction even if it is only to moan with someone about the awful weather, as we Brits love to do.

This is exactly right! I feel this practice helped me move from an attitude of "forget you!" to hey you! It's going to feel awkward in the beginning, but you choose how many interactions you have a day.

The best way to gain more comfort is in non-essential contacts, over time. See what happens and how much you tolerate. Even returning a smile can be a big deal.

[Bermuda]

I can relate so much. It's such a difficult subject for me. People, yikes.

Honestly, it depends on where you are from. I don't live somewhere where people are casually social at shops and things out and about. In the past I have had the most success with meet up groups to get at least a little socialisation, which is often enough for me to feel (often overly) fulfilled.

I have done board game groups and language groups, and I went along with people I knew to their other hobbies even if I wasn't particularly interested. Martial arts for example. Trying new foods group. I love eating. Meetup dot com used to be really good. Sometimes you can find groups through local universities, and you don't have to be a student to jog with them (nor do you have to be young or fit). I often find these things to be much easier than chatting with someone randomly, because in a group someone will see you and approach you, which already takes a bit of the burdon off.

[Lakelynn]

in a group someone will see you and approach you, which already takes a bit of the burdon of

I like this reasoning and will add this to my list of possibilities.