dear dad

[paul72]

I found this letter I'd written two years ago... I had to make some changes

Dear Dad,

I can't remember the last words I ever spoke to you, but I'm sure they weren't kind. Not that anyone would ever blame me. All of that anger between us. 

But I wish you could see me now.

I wish you knew how happy I was, that you could see the love (my wife} and I share. The joy of watching our girls grow up to be kind, strong, beautiful young ladies. [oldest daugher] now has a boyfriend, actually she has for years. He's a good young man and we love him. It is awesome to watch our family grow instead of only knowing loss. I'm sorry that you aren't able to experience and share in our happiness.

I wish you could see how your son turned out. I wish I could call and say "guess what I did Dad" or "come meet our new pup Dad". I wish you could know my girls, and the absolute pride and complete love [my wife] and I have for them. 

I'm glad you'll never know me or my family again. You don't deserve another chance.


I suppose that I never really did call you though, other than out of some sense of obligation, did I? We were never that close, our relationship left destroyed decades ago. We never once talked about it. Were you too ashamed? Was I not worth being strong for? Did you decide that I was damaged and not worth the effort? Or maybe you had no choice.

I'm glad you never saw just how much you hurt us though. 

I can understand why you did it, I just can't understand how you were able to. Your own son. His wife. Your grandchildren. 

I don't know if I've ever forgiven you for any of it or whether it even matters any more. I haven't forgiven you and maybe never will.

You let me down perhaps more than anyone. 

I don't mourn your loss anymore, just the idea of you, of a better you. 

[Armee]

Respect to your changes to the letter, Phil and that you know it is ok to not forgive.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate you sharing the original and adjusted versions.  I also believe it is ok to feel what you feel (even if it isn't what society says "we should feel") and am glad you expressed that here.  This is how I feel about my parents and they are still here.  I appreciate you saying this as it helps me know I am not alone.