Failed a class and its kicked off a new round of depression

[FindMeInAnother]

Hi guys. I enrolled in college last semester and did great. It may have resulted in some over confidence this semester because I've failed my first class and now I can't seem to get myself out of depression. I'm a fawn-freeze type according to Pete Walker and now I'm stuck in freeze. I feel like I've touched a hot stove and now I can't bring myself to go back into the kitchen. Does anyone have any advice for this?

Background: I was in therapy, I "graduated", so now I'm just kinda out here on my own. Still medicated, diagnosed with ptsd and major depressive disorder.

[CactusFlower]

Is there a student health center you have access to? They would likely have counselors and/or social workers you could work with as long as you stay a student.  if you have budget concerns, that would be my suggestions If you make it clear what your history is, they can pick up from there. No guarantees anyone would be trauma-informed, though. Wishing you luck.

[Kizzie]

I agree with CactusFlower, making an appointment with the student counselling centre may be a good step. They may be able to help you with understanding students do fail classes and what you/they can do about it, both practical and emotionally. 

Your trauma is likely telling you that you are the failure when it's one class and the material may have been more difficult than you anticipated or you had things going on that were distracting you. It's also worthwhile keeping in mind that last semester you did great.

My son had to take of leave of absence in the first year of his program due to depression but he got help from the university, his doctor and a psychologist to deal with it.  He just wrote his final exam today so is done first year and did quite well. 

Hope this helps.

[Papa Coco]

The student councilor idea sounds good.  The Colleges that I attended in my 50s to get my BA degree later in life were very, very used to people struggling with traumas from past schooling abuse etc. Many times I was going to quit, so I went back to my councilors and my teachers themselves, and humbly explained how traumatizing school was for me. (I was raised in a Catholic school in the 1960s and 1970s. It was an abusive, horrific experience that I've carried in my trauma brain for my entire life). The teachers and councilors indicated that I was not alone, and that  a large number of adult students suffered with this same traumatic freezing. They were helpful and often quite compassionate to my story. And with their help I eventually got my degree. Even though there were a lot of sleepless nights, I'm proud to have completed the degree.