[Papa Coco]

Clinically administered Micro-dose Ketamine Infusions for the purpose of helping PTSD, Depression and Suicidality are legal here in the US. They are relatively inexpensive and are covered under my medical insurance. So I finally tried it. On May 1st of this year, I had become so depressed that I could barely lift my head. Suicide was the only relief I could imagine to my lifelong pain, and shame, and anger at my abusers, and my habit of ruminating, or obsessively reliving past abuse.

SUCCESS! It worked better than I had even imagined it could. My suicidal thoughts dropped away immediately following the very first 40-minute infusion. Now, after just a few weeks, and a few more infusions, I don't hate myself anymore. I've stopped reeling in my lifelong hatred for my family and my abusers. I'm free from my daily habit of ruminating and self-torture over past guilt and shame. My obsessive reliving of the past is silent now. I'm less of a doormat.

Ketamine infusions are not a one-shot "cure" for PTSD but if I’ll keep up with regular follow on, clinically administered infusions about once every 3 or 4 months, (Same frequency as my dental cleanings and my car's oil changes), I should be able to retain a suicide-free, mentally healthier lifestyle, even as a person with lifelong C-PTSD. Ketamine infusions have given me a chance to healthily handle the C-PTSD traumas as they pop up. I won’t bother y’all with any more information. There's plenty of information on the web. But I’ll watch this post for a few days to see If anyone has any questions or comments from my own personal experiences with Ketamine Infusions. If you want to know more about what they feel like for me, or how they’ve changed me, just respond to this post. If I don’t hear from anyone, I’ll politely move on.

[Kizzie]

Good to hear from you Papa, I wondered whether you'd left the forum or were just taking a break.  I don't have personal experience with ketamine but a few here have so hopefully they will have some comments.

Glad it seems to have worked so well for you. I suspect (hope) the research will continue to confirm how helpful medication/psychedelic assisted therapy can be for depression, SI, etc. It has had such a stigma in the past due to its recreational use. And of course there's also the issue of what the pharmaceutical companies would do if we get well.  We're represent big profits if we stay on meds for years or decades. 

Anyway, awesome you were able to get it paid for and that you are in a much better place.   

[Blueberry]

That's great to hear, PapaCoco! I'm happy for you     I have no experience of that type of infusion and I don't think they're even legal in my country though I could be wrong.  But it's still great to read on here that somebody - you - has found something that helps, and even helps significantly e.g. no more SI! That's got to feel good.

[Papa Coco]

hi Kizzie and Blueberry

Nice to hear from both of you too. I did take a break and now it feels good to be back in the land of the living. Over the past several months, depression has gotten worse and worse and worse, and because I was getting so depressed, I didn't think I should talk on the forum anymore. If I couldn't say something positive, I didn't think I should say anything at all. On May 1st, if I hadn't been immediately connected with the Ketamine Treatments, I was planning to call the National Suicide Hotline, and try to have myself committed to a hospital somewhere to try and keep from committing self-harm. But lucky for me, the clinic had immediate openings for new patients. 

My next fear, as I waited for my first infusion, was that it was likely my last hope and "What if it didn't work?" I was pretty scared how I'd react if the treatment didn't work. But WHEW!  It did work. And immediately. So...no need for a hospital. Life had hope again. I waited until finishing all the preliminary treatments before coming back online. I didn't want to hail the success of it to you or anyone else if it turned out that the help was temporary. But I've been feeling in control of my life again now for over 6 weeks. I feel it's safe for me to come out and talk about the success now.

As far as legality goes, if you look online to see if its legal where you live, don't look up psychedelics, look up Ketamine Infusions. They're often lumped together in articles, but in reality, they are not the same thing. Currently doctors here aren't allowed to do this with psychedelics, but Ketamine is not a schedule 1 psychedelic. It's a legal pharmaceutical medication used for general anesthesia in surgeries. Its nickname is "horse tranquilizer". Because it's a legit pharmaceutical, licensed practitioners here in the US are allowed to use extreme low doses as an "off-label" treatment for PTSD and depression. I'm just so glad I was able to partake. It's hard to say if I'd even be here today if the treatment hadn't been available to me.

[Armee]

Hi! I missed having you here a bunch Papa Coco, and worried as you disappeared around the rough time of year for you. I wish you hadn't had such a difficult time but very relieved you found something that worked, and didn't need to be hospitalized. 

You know we are here in down times, too. K?

[Papa Coco]

Armee,

Thank you for the welcome back message. Same with Kizzie and Blueberry--thank all of you for welcoming me back. It's good to be reconnecting with compassionate people.

[Kizzie]

I hope you'll consider sharing any more info you might have.  I had been considering Ketamine when I read your posts and it cinched the deal. I made the decision to give it a go if my GP will refer me that is. I'm not getting any younger (65) and I'm tired of struggling with SSRIs that cause more rather than less anxiety, talk therapy that helps but goes at a snail's pace, fighting with the walls I have built that I have come to believe nothing on the other side can be as bad as the decades of fear, anxiety, etc I've gone through and all that I have missed in that time. 

Sadly it's not covered here (Canada) unless you are suicidal or not functioning at all and even then you have to fight for it apparently.  It's not cheap but at this stage it seems a good use of our funds if the latter part of my life is not spent fighting this CPTSD related depression, anxiety, ruminating, etc.
 
I do have sensitivities to meds but the clinic I'm hoping to go to starts with a micro dose and before that do an intake session and two prep sessions with a psychologist/psychiatrist so it's about as safe as it can be for me.  This is if my doctor will refer me, she may be somewhat hesitant given my sensitivities but I hope to make the case.

Anyway, thanks for sharing and if you're willing I'd love to hear more.

[Kizzie]

Good talk here about ketamine assisted therapy by an MD in the US.

Papa Coco - I started a thread in "Medications" about ketamine therapy if you want to add anything there - https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=14841.msg122897#msg122897