More distance from family, less shame

[Marianne]

I wanted to name an approvement. I've more and more disconnected from my family's view of me. And their opinions of how I should live. This helped tremendously in lessening my guilt and shame and insecurity. It still hurts a lot sometimes when they reject me or try to control me. But I manage to see now that this is their problem. Not mine. And that I don't have to believe all THEY believe about me.

I am proud of myself.

And I had several people say the last days...friends, acquaintances...that they really cared about me or they showed their appreciation in practical ways (e.g. inviting me to be their direct colleague, which i took as a sign they liked me). When I told my brother that other people saw good sides in me, that i was sweet and creative and open... he said: well, maybe they don't know you. I have decided to disconnect from that. For decades I tried to be good enough in their eyes. No I wish to be good enough in my eyes. It's enough. It hurts like * sometimes, but rather that then guilt and shame when it isn't needed.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate you sharing this noticing about yourself.  I hope that with more and more intentional practice, you receive care shown by others.