A new old physical pain

[Blueberry]

Just yesterday morning I was in trauma therapy. We didn't go especially deep because it was just the second session. But there were more questions than last time and I gave more detail. I did feel a Part - I started getting cold, but after I did some quick re-grounding, I didn't think much more of it. Afterwards during the course of the day, I developed a pain I haven't had for a long time - on my upper sternum, high up my rib cage, just down from my neck. It's really sore and I haven't hit it or bumped into anything and I can't think how I might have pulled a muscle or anything.

***TW   PA ***




Last time I can remember similar pain in a similar place though slightly further left was over 20 years ago during a breast cancer screening. I said I have this funny lump. The gynaecologist felt it. "Ever broken a rib?" she asked. Not that I was aware of. And then an image of B1 drifted through. Which shocked me because I didn't actually have a memory of him hitting me in my upper rib-cage. It wasn't actually a spot where you could have breast cancer but my grasp of anatomy, especially female anatomy, was very bad. I would read about it and/or look at a diagram and just go blank on it. It's a bit better now but not much.



*** End TW ***

The pain today is pretty bad, like when I breathe in. I presume it was triggered yesterday in trauma T. Maybe EFT will help? Or Screen Processing? It would be good to try and help myself instead of suffering.

:lightbulb: today I started a missive to B1 and B2 about some stuff that needs to be discussed - could be that that has exacerbated what pain was already there from yesterday.

[Blueberry]

I suppose this really belongs on the Physical and what-not Comorbidities board, but yesterday this felt more like a symptom to me than an comorbidity.

I got a doc. appt today, rather than tomorrow when they have a cancellation, because they wanted to rule out a heart problem. Fortunately they were able to rule it out. Apparently it's an upper spinal and upper rib cage problem. I've been given a medication and am to get a special oil tomorrow to use externally on the area where I feel the pain. And since I keep putting the palm of my hand on the painful area, I'm to keep doing that. Inhaling is painful - as matter of fact almost everything physical is painful atm. But I'm still to go to choir practice tonight because it does me good emotionally/psychologically. So good when your GP understands that component! 

cptsd, the gift that keeps on giving, haha. btw in German 'Gift' means poison, which is rather apt imho.

[Gromit]

Good luck with choir. Pains like that, which effect breathing have usually been muscular, from coughing, for me, could that be the case or are thy pretty certain of the cause?

G

[Blueberry]

Thanks for the idea, Gromit. It won't be from coughing, because I haven't been coughing for months. It could, I suppose, come from choir practice yesterday. Altho come to think of it, I had the pain before choir practice yesterday. But maybe choir practice exacerbated everything. Today I was very careful. I just sang along quietly with the hymns I already know, but I know I was singing too low because I couldn't sing high. Yesterday I hit a few high notes but not the really high ones.

I still think there's a psychological component in my case. I can't remember the real diagnosis name that always was on my list of diagnoses but in lay terms 'psychosomatic pain'. There came a point 20-odd years ago when I had pain basically everywhere. A big place of pain for me was inside mouth/throat/ears. There was always a flare-up if I said (or even thought) something there was a taboo about in FOO. If I didn't say it out loud, I got a pain flare-up too. My GP did try with various medications like tinctures inside my mouth and stuff but that would just relieve the pain for a few seconds and then it was back, but that was before my first inpatient stay. During that first stay and in outpatient T afterwards it slowly became clear what was really going on (that it was connected to my disclosing FOO 'secrets').

During outpatient T of the past 5 years, it became clear bit by bit that there were a lot of emotional blockages from my mouth down through throat and what feels like down into my digestive system and right down to the base of my spine. Of course physically that's not all interconnected, but still that's how it felt emotionally and the images I got. My T worked with me a lot on that. It was a eureka moment when I felt as if there was a pipe running all the way down to the base of my spine and this pipe was clear! The energy could flow, no blockages and obstructions! But I do know that that kind of progress sometimes relapses, so that's possibly what's going on atm. And/or something is going way deeper. I feel quite fragile physically this evening. You might not have seen Gromit but there's been a lot of progress and movement in me just the past 10 days or so and this could be my psyche and body deciding to have a rest.

[Joon]

I don't know if you ruled that out for yourself but could it be a body memory/somatic flashback of some sort?

And the pain being psychosomatic makes a lot of sense too, I think.

[Kizzie]

When you think about it we do have muscle memory for other things, why not PA? Sorry the pain came back BB 

[Papa Coco]

Hopefully your GP and your therapist will be able to help you through this pain. It sounds pretty uncomfortable. I'm sending you thoughts and gentle hugs through the ether. 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Papa Coco. It is mostly better. I figured out that it was armouring but there has been so much going on recently that I hadn't got round to writing that.

[Kizzie]

Ah yes, we do arrmour don't we?!  Good catch BB. 

[Blueberry]

My old GP where I still get regular appointments to discuss my recovery progress or stalling or whatever is going on had an additional explanation here to do with particular nerves coming down in the general area of collar bone, maybe from head and neck, I can't remember exactly. I sometimes get a sudden searing pain coming diagonally behind my ear and then it's gone in under a minute. My old GP's explanation or suggestion is 'in addition to' rather than 'instead of'.

__________________

And now I have an additional new old physical pain: feet and legs. It's true I injured my (right) ankle in some way a few days ago, I thought 'sprain' and that may well still be correct, but once I started some home-based treatment eg. RICE, I noticed the pain lessening in some areas e.g. my ankle, but also spreading around more in the same low-level way - to the upper side of my foot, to some of my toes, to my old (operated) bunion, to my shin, knee, lower back on right side, even to my left foot. Beyond the pain, I can also feel a lot of muscle-tightening which is presumably armouring: calf muscle on right side, gluteus maximus as well (the English word is triggering for me, Latin is OK).

One positive development for me is realising that I want to take steps to mitigate this, not just for rn but for the future. It seems I have weaknesses (expressed in a round about way so as not to trigger self with my own words), well I've had trouble with my feet for decades and although I have done work on them before like physio and finally an operation and then physio after that, and then I do things like just sit down and take a foot in my hand and massage it with my fingers, or slather it in oil or lotion etc, but still I realise now my feet and legs need more attention e.g. strengthening but also relaxation. This is not as straightforward as it may sound because a) I tend to get very triggered with 'must' or 'should' and positive self-talk (telling myself I want to every day) simply doesn't work, even if today I'm feeling that I want to take steps to mitigate  b) I get triggered by doing sporting activities    and c) physical exercises exhaust me no end, way more exhausting than ought to be the case, exhausting to the degree that I can't do anything else for the rest of the day and exhausting to the degree that I can't even start the exercises the next time I'm meant to e.g. if it were a weekly class, or the days between a weekly class where I'm meant to be practising at home. Stay tuned. HaHa.

Nevertheless it is progress to feel with what is presumably at least one Part (probably even current Adult) that I want to change this so that I'm not prone to falling and injuring myself 2 decades before this usually takes place. Couple of days ago - that wasn't the first time I fell, it's not a once-off thing. 

[Gromit]

 :heythere:Blueberry,
I went on a training day for bringing strength into yoga poses on Saturday. I am not going to suggest those exercises though. I find, as an instructor people will do what they enjoy, are comfortable with and, unless it becomes a habit exercise can be difficult to do regularly.

What I will advocate, if it is amenable is Yoga Nidra, for relaxation. You have probably come across it before but, now, on YouTube you can find examples of many kinds. I find it is fantastic for me when I am tired. It is like having a nap, but in concentrated form. I especially like the examples by The Mindful Movement.
My other thought is that people will often follow a physiotherapist's instructions until whatever issue they have stops hurting, it is helpful to continue past that point. Once you stop, the body is likely to return to previous patterns of movement, which may have caused the issue in the first place.

Obviously, if you are finding yourself unsteady, it maybe worth further investigation by your GP for something new. There may be something that has not been discovered before, something which needs attention.

Sitting on a tennis ball may help, I have tightening, which I thought was my gluteus Maximus but my masseur thinks is my hamstring.

Pain sucks, good luck.

G

[Blueberry]

Thank you for your explanations and suggestions Gromit.
I am back to cycling and walking, for getting around town. I have made small changes, for instance, I'm now moving my feet more - stretching and curling my toes, ankle rotation etc. e.g. in bed before I get up, but also now sitting at the computer. There probably are better places to do these exercises but otoh it's good that I do them at all. I'm also being more aware of when I'm standing slightly knock-kneed and then straightening that out. Small steps, small changes done regularly bring me more than some huge step I then rarely carry out.

I mentioned it in occupational therapy last time and my T showed me an exercise I could do sitting down which helps train balance and also mentioned leg strengthening exercises you can do here and there during the day while you're waiting in line or brushing your teeth. So those would be some more easy-ish steps to add to my day.

I have done yoga nidra before. As with just deep savasana, 'things' sometimes come back up to the surface and I can feel unsafe. It's a long time ago now, but I once had a panic attack in savasana So it seems my body is armoured and 'uptight' partially to prevent memories especially body memories from re-surfacing. Thanks for your suggestion of taking a look on Youtube incl. The Mindful Movement because then I can see if I can find a type that's maybe more amenable for me than the one type I've done so far.

[Blueberry]

Apparently it's an upper spinal and upper rib cage problem. I've been given a medication and am to get a special oil tomorrow to use externally on the area where I feel the pain. And since I keep putting the palm of my hand on the painful area, I'm to keep doing that.

Interesting for me to re-read this now.
1) It's not that long ago that I had a bunch of pain for who knows what reason. In that case last summer it was not in order to give myself a break however. The get-sick-to-allow-myself-a-break was getting a really really bad cold or even flu. Used to happen about 4 times a year.

2) There is some pain in my upper rib cage today too - I could get that oil out
3) I keep putting my hand around my forehead, at least while lying in bed so I'll keep doing that

[Armee]

 

[Gromit]

I meant to reply before Blueberry, I understand about the savasana bringing things up, maybe seated is better? Does moving that upper area of the body help?
G