armee, PC, crackedice, blueberry, snowdrop, and an extra armee - thank you all for your care and kindness.
i've been such a wreck lately i haven't been able to come here. again about D1 - 8th anniversary yesterday of NC -, my ex's b-day today, financial stability worries, my D lost her second appeal for disability, i've never felt fear of this nature before even tho i've done a lot more w/ a lot less, but now i have to be here for my D, too.
had therapy today, we flashed on what i was feeling like - the mime in the glass box. i could see everything that was happening around me but felt trapped, no way out, couldn't help or do anything about it - but i had to stop. during flashing i saw myself look thru the glass and curl up in a corner wanting to die. i told my T i didn't have enough strength anymore to shatter the glass and get out.
i'm a wreck. just staying alive day to day.