[Papa Coco]

Thank you for the update, Kizzie.

I've been feeling a lot of concern over you and your situation. What GREAT news that you've concluded your SSRI treatments. I hope the Gabapentin does its job and gets your anxiety under control. My wife uses Gabapentin with great success to keep her anxiety, and her fibromyalgia, and her Ehlers Danlos Syndrome under control. With Gabapentin, she can sleep well at night and relax during the day. I've often wondered if I should ask my doctor for a prescription of it also. I've never taken one, so I don't know how it works. But it sure seems to help Coco. (She's Gramma Coco and I'm Papa Coco).

My fingers are crossed that the Gabapentin is as good for you as it is for Coco.

I'm so sorry they overdosed you on Ketamine. I mean, I'm real sorry. I had hopes that your first experience would be as magical as mine was. I now hope that you're able to go into your next, reduced dose, with a lot more peace and success.

They did start me off on a reduced dose for the purpose of testing how I responded to it. But I had already brought my anxiety down by going 100% No Contact with the news prior to the treatment.

On a personal note: I've never taken Gabapentin, but I think I told you that I've reduced my anxiety by going Full No Contact with news. The news is an EF trigger for me. Since March, the only news I've been willing to watch or read was the local reports on the wildfires threatening my sons' homes. Almost every news story is an EF trigger for me. Having been bullied nearly to death, and knowing that my beautiful little sister WAS bullied to death, I can't even LOOK at the bullying that's being allowed to flourish in today's world without going into major EF anxiety. So, I don't look. Avoidance is my strategy for now. I live with my head in the sand and it's working for me. But, no kidding, just reading headlines about how so many politicians and corporate scum keep getting away with being sick, sociopathic, mass bullies, can send me into an EF tailspin that lasts for several sleepless nights and anxiety-ridden days. So, NO contact of any kind with world news is the only way I can keep my anxiety in check.

I sincerely hope you are able to quickly find whatever strategy works for you.

Big hug.

[Kizzie]

Yes, it was a bit of a banner day finally tapering off the SSRIs after 30 years on them, 30 years for heaven's sake and I never questioned being on them and none of the GPs I had ever did either (I had a lot of different docs because my H was military and we moved a lot) .  Once I am doing better anxiety/depression wise with the Ketamine treatment I will taper off the Lorazepam and Zolpidem.  I hope to be "clean" by Christmas.

I have to say the Gabapentin is working quite well, not taking away the anxiety entirely but reducing it substantially. I was so bound and bent I needed a psychiatric med like Risperidone to get the anxiety down to a level where I could function (I really  was falling apart), and here the clinic psych prescribes something I'm already using for Restless Legs Syndrome. 

All I can say is halleluiah I have something that worked that fast without any noticeable side effects and will get me back to the Ketamine treatments. The psych was quite adamant Ketamine is the best (legal) anti-depressant available so I'm game to try again.  I will be talking with him today so we'll see what he has to say.  Now that the Gabapentin has worked some magic I'm ready to try again.  I did tell him twice now at some point I'd like an explanation of why I suddenly developed such bad anxiety, why nothing my GP and I tried helped reduce it, and why he and his colleague who assessed me came to conclude I was actually suffering from clinical depression.  I've had a few bad depressive episodes in the past and they looked much different than this.     I am a just want to Know kind of person.

Re the news and anxiety, I haven't watched the news in a very long time for the reason you suggest, it drives my anxiety way up.  I don't even watch many TV shows as most are too much right now.  They have to be funny/ gentle, and there's not a lot of those out there.  I like the show "Ghosts" both the UK and US versions and James Harriet's All Creatures Great and Small, that's my kind of entertainment at the moment. It's too bad because I used to love all kinds of shows and movies.  Hopefully the Ketamine will help me not to absorb the bad things quite as much as I do at the moment. It's like the article you shared about N's and the tip to observe not absorb.  Right now I just absorb anything grimy or abusive or greedy and it's just too much.  I don't know if you watch The Good Fight (one show I can watch still most of the time), but in the latest episode one of the main characters goes for Ketamine treatments because she is depressed by what is happening in the world and one of the things she does is stops doom scrolling on all her devices.  Sounds like us doesn't it?!  So we're not alone in the anxiety all the media coverage is causing if it's showing up as a theme in TV series. 

So sorry to hear your son(s) have wildfires to deal with by the way.  My H and I know what that's like as we had fire on three sides of us the year we moved here to the wide open spaces of Alberta.  We do get grass fires here but they get on those quite quickly and there's not the same amount of fuel or rough terrain issues to deal with like in BC.  It was a nightmare there.

It's so nice to have you to talk to about this Ketamine journey Papa, thanks so much for being open about your experience and for your support.  It means a lot.   

[sanmagic7]

kizzie, i smiled to myself while reading about how limited are the shows you can now watch.  got the same thing going on here, not only for absorbing the gruesome but also because of triggers.  same w/ movies.  i've been enjoying young adult fantasy shows (gets me out of this world) and stuff like baking/cooking competitions (no triggers, cuz i don't really cook).  i give you a lot of credit for staying away from the news.  i go in spits and spurts, but turn it off much sooner now. 

keep up the good work!  so glad you're moving forward w/ the meds and looking at more ketamine on the horizon.  you've done an amazing job hanging in with all this.  love and hugs

[Papa Coco]

Kizzie,

I'm so glad you and your psyche are making these positive changes in your medicines. I'm starting to feel some hope that you've taken an important left turn in your long-running path toward healing. For 30 years, your GP has just been giving you more and more drugs. But a few weeks back, you decided to alter course, and I'm feeling hopeful that it's the best thing you could have done.

I'm with you on the TV shows and movies too. There can be NO sociopaths, NO bullies, NO liars getting the better of the good people...or I shut it off. I like Ghosts, and lately I've been watching the old TV sitcoms of the 80s and 90s. Golden Girls, Fraiser, Monk, Newsradio, New Girl, Cheers, Taxi, even the old 1967 Batman series. The bad guys weren't that bad in those TV shows. And the laughs are so good for my mood. Golden Girls, Fraiser, and a new show called The Wonder Years can get me laughing harder than most other shows put together. And it's such a relief to have no truly evil villains in the show. Just mindless one-liners and hysterical plots.

The Gabapentin is what keeps my wife going. I am very glad to hear it's giving you a noticeable relief to your anxiety.

[Kizzie]

That's a great idea about watching some of the older shows - hadn't thought of that but you're right they weren't as gritty.  My H mentioned Gilmore Girls which we both loved, but yes so many shows like Frasier too.   

San - if you like young adult shows (and can download), try an Australian show called Mystic.  There's also a US show called Locke and Key and a new one out called The Paper Girls that are pretty good.     

[dollyvee]

Oh I did really like the Paper Girls!