Characters in film or lit that you identify with

[Unbroken1]

Hi all -

In the context of why you are here, can you think of a fictional character whose story you identify with who speaks to you? For me it's always been an underdog character, someone who is lost, abandoned, betrayed, or forgotten; or someone who has been wrongfully accused, or someone who endures emotional isolation, or, lately, someone who is undergoing a personal transformation in trying to reckon with their past and deal with their personal demons.  I was the only son of a uBPD mother and UNPD father and was triangulated as both Golden Child and Scapegoat in our triad, so heroes, loners and rebels are my go-to archetypes.

For me: Neo from The Matrix, Jake Gyllenhaal's character from the film Donnie Darko, Jonah Hill's character from the series Maniac, and Daniel Holden from Rectify, a streaming series about a man unjustly sentenced to solitary confinement on death row. Tom Hanks in Cast Away because he has nobody else (naming my next pet Wilson  ). Ray Donovan, particularly in the final few seasons when he comes to terms with his own trauma. Of course, Blade Runner's Decker, who was gaslit by his creators and has to ask himself whether his memories really happened, and if he is really human. Lastly, the one positive role model my southern-raised mother insisted I know, Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird (with a heartfelt shoutout to Boo Radley, who was prolly just really really traumatized).

As a man, reading books or watching films like these bring up a lot of stored emotion for me which can be a great release (in a safe space) and really help with my own stored trauma. I don't want to excuse any evil or antisocial stuff these characters may have engaged in, in their fictional worlds, but their common humanity seems to be the thread I'm pulling on here.

I suppose this is sort of about what art can do to make us more human. But in light of why we're all here, I wonder if the emotional lens we, as survivors of a world few others know see the world through, are touched in a way that others aren't? 

Who do you identify with? Whose story reflects your own?

[woodsgnome]

What a great muse!

I tend to read prodigiously. My therapist refers to this as a form of eclectic Bibliotherapy, and being rather self-directed (though she has had many suggestions along the way) we've come to refer to my 'style' of bibliotherapy as 'Freelance', where I follow my heart's direction.

This doesn't involve lots of fiction, but when it does venture into that territory it can hit me big-time. Take the 1909 novel by Frances Hodgson Burnett --   The Secret Garden. The main storyline focuses on an orphaned girl -- Mary Lennox -- who was ignored and emotionally neglected by her parents before they both died in a cholera epidemic. My circumstances differ a little, but the emotional (and lots of other) abuses were over-the-top absurd and I felt like an orphan.

So I related to that sort of existence, when all seems meaningless and even somewhat absurd, with lots of sadness and feeling like all was hopeless. As the story developed, though, Mary discovers remnants of a secret garden which, like her, had been neglected, almost forgotten. Finding that and focusing her efforts into it, lovingly and with care, enabled Mary to find anew the hidden zest for life she carried in spite of her tragic background.

I saw my own life's trajectory much like that, and how my entire life was the 'garden' that gave me hope. So I thoroughly relate to those themes, which were also well presented in a 1975 BBC TV adaptation of the book. Many theatrical productions based on that story are still happening, as its themes run deep, apparently. I know it hit my heart big-time.

So that's an obvious example. Which, by the way, I latched onto via reading others on this forum who commented on the book, which led me to seek it out for myself and find it had a keen part to play in how I came to regard my own 'escape' from my own abusive past.

That said, while I've probably run into lots of characters in all my reads -- fiction and nonfiction, another huge influence and 'character' who influenced my outlook was Stan Laurel, a 1930's actor who starred with Oliver Hardy, the duo appearing in several episodes as "Laurel and Hardy". These were rerun while I was a kid in the 1950's-60's and their influence on me was enormous.

The scenario for many of the stories depicts Laurel as a supposedly 'innocent' and forlorn victim of Mr. Hardy's rather arrogant and 'smarty-pants' attitude vs. Stan's simpler takes on escapades the duo experienced. While Ollie was depicted as the 'smart' one, the tables were frequently, and masterfully, turned around by Stan (who actually wrote most of their material; touching on another element I love -- creativity).

Basically, Ollie ended up looking as the buffoon and not the haughty person he took himself to be. Aha -- cue me in! Stan was exactly the sort of person I felt comforted by, as I was surrounded by various narcissistic and abusive sorts that made no sense and who played me for a fool, much to their delight as they were my chief abusers (many were religious phonies I got to calling them the Gawdawfuls. My inspiration was Stan, who 'innocently' made Ollie into a pompous buffoon. I took his take and applied it to the Gawdawfuls, making them my buffoons (albeit I didn't dare tell 'em that  ).

That element of creative humour allowed me, I feel, to survive some of the worst experiences of those years.

My apologies if this seems a bit long, but I found it hard to nuance this very well. I'm sure there's many other examples I could draw on rattling in my memory, but those two characters -- Mary Lennox and Stan Laurel -- came immediately to mind.

[rainydiary]

I really identify with many of the women characters in the Marvel movies.  I had the strongest reaction to watching Wanda in WandaVision.  She created an entire reality to cope with the loss of Vision which to me felt like CPTSD.  She was so brutal in the latest Dr. Strange movie, yet I felt like I got it.

I also notice that I have a pattern of books I love to read - the stories are written by authors from the UK, involve a lone person (like a detective, private investigator, and/or wizard) and a lot of mystery or a journey to go on.  These people have a history of trauma and work through that to varying degrees.

[Papa Coco]

Two characters who I relate to are Charlie, played by Logan Lerman, in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Man, have I learned a lot about myself by watching Charlie maneuver his teen years as a traumatized Fawn-type personality. One main theme of the movie is "We accept the love we think we deserve". I've taken that one sentence so seriously as to finally begin to realize why I've attracted so many sociopaths into my life. I thought I deserved them, so voila! There they were! Toward the end, when Charlie loses all his friends again, he splits off into different people...that scene has left me in tears more than once. I can SO relate. He's such a kind kid and is trying so hard to fit in...just like me at that age.

The other one is Lee Chandler, played by Casey Affleck in Manchester by the Sea. That movie really grips me also. Affleck plays a seriously traumatized man who lost his children in a house fire that he was responsible for. He spends the whole movie trying desperately to overcome his trauma because he needs to step up and raise his late brother's orphaned son. In the final minutes of the film, Casey actually gives up. He says, what I believe to be the most important line in the entire movie. He says "I just can't get past it."  I know that sounds sad, but the reality is refreshing. Affleck says what I've always wanted to say, "I just can't get past it! So stop pushing me to act like I never lived through what I've lived through!" Most movies end on a happy note, which leaves us trauma survivors to falsely believe that a full cure is just one happy event away. It's not. Trauma is real. And any movie that gives respect to how real it is is a good movie.

I really, really like how these two movies show that trauma is trauma--it's not just a temporary sadness that we need to "walk off" like a skinned knee. And that coming to terms with the trauma is more real than being cured of it, like it is in most Hollywood movies.

I really relate to both of these movies and both characters. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoy watching Jason Bourne and James Bond kick the mud out of villains all over the world. I relate my imaginary self to these two characters. They aren't realistic, but they're fun to connect with as they win, win, win every fight they get into.

[Papa Coco]

An after thought:

Trauma movies. I love 'em. I think most people probably think Brokeback Mountain is about a gay relationship, but I don't see it that way. That movie is ALL about trauma. I think that in a large percentage of C-PTSD cases, sex was somehow a part of the picture. Ennis, played by the late, great Heath Ledger was a seriously traumatized man. His childhood was fraught with violence. His dad had apparently done horrible things to him and to other people and left poor old Ennis completely confused and emotionally shut down. Ledger plays the part so well. I've known several people throughout my life who have the same stoic, quiet, reserved, flat affect, but not because they're sociopaths, but because they were so badly abused as children that they shut down their emotions and affects permanently.

Ennis somehow ends up in the wrong place and time and gets involved with Jack Twist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal. Jack is a kind of a sociopath who really, really, really messes up Ennis's life...forever. The end of the movie shows poor old Ennis never really getting over Jack, even though Jack was a pretty self-centered jerk who didn't deserve the dedication Ennis gave to him. I think that movie reminds me of how my life was sidetracked by selfish people. When I was a child, some of them wanted sex from me, but as an adult, they all seemed to just want my money and my very soul. Unlike Ennis, I never went stoic and cold, I am a very animated person. I wear my feelings on my shirtsleeve and if I'm happy, you know it. If I'm sad, you know it. No way could I ever play poker. But where I relate to Ennis, is in how various sociopaths really did make me think I loved them. They are the people who did most of the damage I deal with today. I relate to Ennis because I've been drawn into so many bad relationships with people of all kinds. I wanted someone to give me their attention, and they wanted my money or my tools or my soul. My own family included. I was so blind to what was happening. Just like poor old Ennis.

[Rizzo]

girl, interrupted.. susanna kaysen.

[Mathilde]

Job. From the bible.
 I'm not exactly a saint and I don't want my kid to be replaced by a new one.

But I lost a lot - health, kid partly, family, friends, job, home, riches, reputation. I've been angry with God. And wondered why?!? Like Job.

Still waiting for it all to be restored. Hope that day ever comes.

Also the movie It ends with us...

But I found the end unrealistic. She snaps out of trauma right away. Abusive ex leaves her alone after she divorced and is understanding. He is loving as a dad. Cps doesn't want to give her child to an abuser. All the family readily admits they were abusive and help her. Yeah. Right.

That's where the association stopped. I was a wreck. And I had to take on two abusive families and cps. Who all said something like "a sociopath can be a fun dad too!"

[ARoseByAnyOtherName]

This is a fun topic!
I also loved your recommendations, Rizzo and Papa Coco- I always cry my eyes out in Perks Of Being A Wallflower (especially in the fight scene when Charlie blacks out, something about losing control like that feels so real...)

I'm not sure that I can "think of a fictional character whose story you identify with who speaks to you?" Unbroken1, but as you mentioned how consuming these kinds of media helps you to release stored up emotions I thought I would share two films that help me to express my feelings through healthy crying: Marley & Me, and Good Will Hunting. Although I can't fully relate to Will Hunting (sadly I'm no genius) the iconic scene where his therapist reminds him that the abuse he endured was not his fault has become one of my absolute favourites.

If you prefer films that might not make you cry, I can also recommend The Shawshank Redemption. It's a film that has a uplifting message of hope and resilience.