Looking to connect IRL

[defenestrate]

I am looking to connect IRL with others who have similar issues.

My search so far has not been very successful.  The best relevant connection found so far is a somewhat local depression group that does video conferences.

A problematic issue is that most relevant local groups seem to be almost exclusively female.  And, that some groups do not take privacy seriously.  One local CPTSD group says it is for persons who are NOT concerned about confidentiality.

[Papa Coco]

HI Defenestrate

Welcome to the forum. I'm a 62-year-old grandfather who has tried multiple online support groups over the years. None of them worked out for me until I found this one a year ago.

It was my experience that up until recently, PTSD was only respected in soldiers who suffered adult-onset PTSD and civilian women who suffered childhood and/or adult onset CPTSD. I am neither. In around 2013 or so I was searching for any support I could find and came across a PTSD retreat and treatment center in Arizona, They had the NERVE to put it on their website that men are not capable of being traumatized. Only women can be traumatized. That's BS to the n'th degree!!! but it was indicative of how the world treated men like me ten years ago. Our entire culture has been becoming more and more accepting of childhood trauma in men and women just in the last few years.

I have a great deal of respect for the way men who weren't soldiers have been left to just kill ourselves because nobody believed us. They called us "too emotional" or weak and frail. One insult after another.

In 2018 a group of people held a lunchtime event for people with PTSD at my workplace. I worked in the world's largest building at the time, and I walked over a mile from my desk to the cafeteria to make it on time for the presentation. I got there early. VERY excited. The hosts came around to talk to the early-birds and when they found out I had no military history, THEY SENT ME AWAY. That sent me into an emotional flashback and a bout of depressed humiliation for days. 

A friend of mine at work had been in Desert Storm. He had PTSD from the war. When I told him how bad I suffered with PTSD from childhood abuse, church abuse, and narcissistic family, he said, and I quote:  "My friends and I have no respect for guys like you who have PTSD but didn't see what we saw."  My friendship with him ended at that moment.

There are a handful of men on this site who actively participate in posting. And most of us have read Pete Walker's book, Complex PTSD; from Surviving to Thriving.  What I've found here is a safe place to truly share, without judgement or malice, as a man who's never been to war. It's been a very positive experience for me.

I don't have any information for you on the privacy aspect. I believe nonmembers can view our posts, but unless a forum member tells me who they are and where they live, I have no way of knowing who anyone is. We don't have to post our real names.

[Armee]

If you are in the US, NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness...or something like that) runs local support groups for people with "mental illness." They may not be speciifc to cPTSD but if you called your local group they may be able to refer you to one that is for men with PTSD.

Each of us has to find what works for us to get support. I could never speak in person about this stuff. The site is anonymous and I need the peer support. My nerves would keep me from walking into a room with others and would prevent me from speaking, but I can do this.

Part of what helps to develop the trust though is when new members post an into post so if you decide to become part of this site, that's a great place to start. Your username is also something to think about. Defenestrate may be quite triggering to some and may make it harder for some people here to support you. That may not be a concern for you since you are preferring a different support group format, but if you decided this site were helpful for you, that is something to keep in mind.

[Blueberry]

If you're in the UK, I think I remember seeing there's a cptsd support group round Bristol somewhere.

I'm with Armee, I can do this but I couldn't manage a support group. In my latter months in 12-step groups I got progressively more triggered by anything anybody said. Other mbrs of the groups got triggered by my rage which they could sense. I do fine on here because mbrs can't sense my emotions to that degree and if I get triggered reading some random word, I can leave the computer and re-ground much more easily than if I were in a IRL group somewhere.

But yes, as Armee says, people find what works for them. I hope you do.