Relaxation Induced Anxiety

[paul72]

So I never knew this was a thing... I just knew I couldn't ever relax.
https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/03/15/relaxation-induced-anxiety-potential-causes-solutions/

The trouble, (thanks Papa Coco for noticing) with it is that it's so ridiculously difficult to calm down my body to talk to my parts like that.
My body shakes if I stop.. and the deeper I try to relax the more powerful it often becomes.
I have no doubt that the deep relaxing, and calming down of my body, leads to being able to meet with my parts.
I've done it a handful of times... but it led to violent shaking/jumping and some traumatic memories. (all wonderfully valuable but so tough)

Last night I tried to tell myself over and over... "you deserve rest" and other encouraging messages while trying to calm down in bed.
My body fought me hard and I lost round one .. but I think it was still meaningful because I felt like I had a real chance.
I resorted to my mind distraction games and drifted off.
I'm going to keep getting back in there though... I know my nights were bad as a kid. Nightmare after nightmare. I also never knew safety,

Interesting that the number one suggestion in the article I listed (still can't find the one I really liked) for coping is to stop relaxing ha.
Second is to adjust the technique.. which I tried to do last night and will keep trying.
Third is talk about it, so here I am lol

Anyway, not sure if worthy of a thread but I am pretty happy to have come across this.
So for me step one is learning to calm my body down if it is possible.. then I'll try to calmly reach out to my parts without fear.

[Master of my sea]

Thank you for this Phil. It will be another interesting topic to discover. I am finding threads like these so helpful; they are helping me to understand all of this stuff I have been dealing with and not been able to describe or explain.

I don't have as strong reactions as you when I try to relax but I go into a real hypervigilant state. I am super tuned in. My whole body tenses and quite often I get a fizzy feeling in my feet and hands (not quite pins and needles). My heart races and I can't shut off. It's often at these times that I easily get overstimulated and feel the need to be alone and away from everyone and everything. I never fully relax, and my body is really starting to suffer for it. I constantly ache from being so tense all the time.

Well done for last night and taking that first step. I'm pleased to hear that even though your body won this round, you feel like you had a chance. That is great!
We can't expect to master these things straight away and your positivity around your attempt last night is contagious and wonderful to see.
I'm rooting for you 

Interesting that the number one suggestion in the article I listed (still can't find the one I really liked) for coping is to stop relaxing ha.

How funny that the very thing you want to do is the main thing the article tells you not to do! I suppose it makes sense. The more you try, the more you have the potential of stressing yourself out when you can't.

I understand about nights being bad as a kid and for me as an adult as well. So much of my trauma has occurred at night and as much as I like the dark and the night-time, I am also very aware of what can hide within that.

Thank you for starting this thread and sharing your experience, I'm going to have a read now 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Phil,

I like this thread idea. Relaxation is an interesting topic for people with trauma disorders. For me, relaxation can bring a sense of vulnerability. Not good vulnerability, but the kind like leaving all your doors and windows open at night hoping no one walks into your home and steals your most valuable possessions. That kind of vulnerability.

I got lucky and felt safe as a boy while in bed, so that has carried forward to a place where I feel safe as an old man. On the other hand, it's also where I want to go when I feel afraid. To bed. Almost every day, I count the hours to bedtime like a kid counting the days to Christmas. If it were possible to sleep away the rest of my life, I'd consider doing that. And BTW: I never realized this tendency in myself before. Writing about relaxation has helped me to see that my waiting for dark and bedtime every day is part of me trying to find safety in the darkness. Hmm. Good for me to see that finally. Once again, I'll quote Flannery O'Connor again: "I write to discover what I know." It's true for me too. The more I try to interact with others, the more I teach myself about myself.

The instruction from the article to just not relax if relaxing isn't working, sounds silly, but it's good advice.

I have a friend who is 75 years old and wealthy. She has no reason to work for money. But she does work. She keeps herself so busy I get exhausted just listening to her tell me about all the volunteer work she participates in, the foundations she's created, the multiple Facebook groups she manages, the meticulously clean home she keeps, etc.  I once asked why she can't relax and she said it was because for her, relaxing causes boredom, and boredom causes depression. She literally stays "too busy to relax" because relaxing is bad for her. And, she feels no shame around that. Being busy works, so that's her proud strategy and she wears it well. She does a lot of good in this world, so, her way of battling depression is good for the world.

Artists and musicians will often admit that their art was how they survived their life so far. I'm no artist. But I like to write, build things out of wood, cook, do Jigsaw puzzles, and go for bike rides to distract myself from my anxiety and depression. Some days that's easier to do than others.  I'm going to try exercise next. I'm preparing to start morning water aerobics. I'll give it two weeks to see if it helps me or if it makes my anxiety worse. Sometimes social activities blow up in my face. I get so uncomfortable around people that I head back home. Time will tell how this goes for me.

I need to know my limits and respect them:  From there I have to submit to the reality that I am a survivor of a dishonest and selfish world and I can only get as relaxed as I can get--and no more than that. I know my limitations. I can never relax the way I feel we humans should be able to. So, I'm letting myself off the hook. I have to stop pushing myself to be completely relaxed as if I have nothing but happy thoughts in my life. I have to find my limits and respect those limits. Forcing myself to relax beyond my own ability is anxiety producing. So, I take what I can get, for as many seconds per day as I can maintain it, and I call that a win.

C-PTSD happened to us because we didn't feel safe as children. So, we're stuck with it as adults because who we are as children is the foundation for who we become as adults. The inability to just "sit back and enjoy a sunset" is not as easy for those of us who were raised to feel unwelcome on the earth. But there's no reason I can't find what works for me to help me stop "just waiting to die" like I've been doing these past few years.

[rainydiary]

I am glad you brought this up - I experience this too.  In some ways it has gotten less intense and awareness has helped.  I would say I still experience rather regularly just not as intensely.  Over time I've found things that help me feel better for a bit and try to do those things as much as I can.

[dollyvee]

Hi Phil,

I wonder what would happen if you tried to talk to your shaking part directly - to approach it with compassion and curiosity and to see if it has a shape, feeling, identity, and let it know and become aware of how old you are now and ask what it thinks will happen if you do relax? Also to thank it for all that it has done for you and let it know that you appreciate it?

dolly

[paul72]

Thanks for your feedback and support everyone
I was hoping to reply to each of you.. but having a difficult time with words...
There is lots in all of your comments that I am grateful for.
I'm just a bit cloudy atm, but at least I wanted to send out a very sincere thank you