DogMan's Journal

[Papa Coco]

Dogman,

Good that you finally got ahold of your case manager. I hope the in-home visit goes well.

You often mention that you don't venture out of your own recovery journal, and as far as I'm concerned, that's perfectly okay. You came here with a need to express yourself with others who share many of your reactions to life. People are jumping in and interacting with you. Mission accomplished.

There are no expectations that we all need to visit each other's journals. Use the forum for how it best works for you, and don't worry about feeling like you "should" do things you're not comfortable doing for now.

I like your posts. I like your photos. I like your artwork. Your beach is beautiful, and I see why you are drawn to it every day.

If this journal is helping, then keep doing what you're doing my friend. 

Good luck with the case manager.

[DogMan]

Thanks papa cocoa. I appreciate the kind words

Case manager on the 22nd, he came here. He couldn't find parking, so was in a no standing zone. So very quick

I gave him a card, he gave me an appointment card for psychiatrist 10th January. Which is sooner than I expected. Maybe the hospital might discharge me?

I saw psychologist on the 21st. We were both proud that we got through 45 of scheduled 50 minutes. I also requested a copy of the review letter which she sent my GP for medicare purposes

I think that she is saying that my insight lacks. And I don't know how to feel about that

She says that we need to work on boundaries, and ability to say "Stop" will help me not dissociate away from sessions and blankly agree with everything. And she needs that to get an understanding of my presentation herself

She says that we mostly need to build safety. After 11 sessions, that is still the main goal

The letter said that we are exploring dissociative intrusions and rage blackouts with amnesia. But at a pace that works for me

She is VERY patient. But does sometimes audibly sigh when she says things like "We can take it even slower"

I wrote to say that boundaries are scary and I don't want to. But I can't say that to health professionals, so I just go along with it. She says that we can slowly find a more acceptable term than "Boundaries"

[dollyvee]

Hi Dogman,

I read what you wrote and understand your apprehension with your therapist. I feel like I put mine through the gears after being with a few who were less than stellar. It's been a long process, but did help when I gave feedback eventually. I think it took a year or two? I finally said, I don't think you like me and she assured me that wasn't the case. Cue to a few more years of thinking that she's not telling the truth, or just has to say that etc. But in the end, giving feedback and going through the theraputic process several times has helped me to express myself.

It's also difficult to say something when it seems like people won't listen to you, won't matter what you say etc or when it's been dangerous to do so. For ages my t also wanted me to get angry about things, and I would just freeze inside or feel like whatever I would do would be rehearsed/just going through the motions.

Maybe there's a small boundary you can use to test the waters that feels real/significant for you? Something to establish trust between you?

Sending you support,
dolly

[Hope67]

Hi DogMan,
I popped over to wish you the best for 2023, and I also hope that your appointment goes ok on 10th January.

Hope that things are manageable in the meantime.

Hope 

[DogMan]

Sorry to go AWOL

An email notification reminded me to come back

I have attached what I am working on with T. Who I have been seeing for world record 6 months and 14 appointments (Part of my trauma was psychologists, so this is huge)

I hope that everybody is well

[Papa Coco]

Hi Dogman,

Great to see you back. And congratulations on 6 months with a T.  That's huge. And I remember how it took me a while to finally allow myself to trust my T. I think it's normal with us CPTSD clients. I'm glad to hear you've got some momentum going.

[Armee]

I'm so glad you found a therapist worthy of trust and who listens to you and fights for you.