Letters from and to fear

[milkandhoney11]

These are some letters that my therapist has asked me to write as a kind of "homework task" and I thought I'd share them because I found the exercise quite helpful.

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Dear Milkandhoney
I am your fear
And this is what I want to tell you...
   - I am afraid of what the future will bring because I worry that there won't be any happiness waiting for us
   - The mistakes in your past will continue to determine your future
   - Your life will always be dominated by loneliness
   - You will never know such love again
   - Your heart will never again feel as full and warm as when you met S
   - You will never be able to see S again and will never get a chance to make amends for what happened
   - You will struggle to make a living because you might never be able to work as a teacher again
   - Your guilt will forever wear you down
   - Trauma will overshadow the rest of your life and you will never be able to overcome all the pain that stems from your childhood
   - Others will forever judge you for your mistake and will continue to see you in a negative way
   - You can never be your authentic self because people like you are not very welcome in this world
   - Shame will forever reign your life
   - You will never be able to truly connect to anyone because you are simply too different and don't really belong in this world
   - You will be marginalised and pushed to the edges of society



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Dear Fear,
Thank you very much for sharing these thoughts with me. I understand that these are serious concerns and I want to thank you for trying to protect me. I can see how daunting all these prospects are and I cannot help but feel anxious when I think about the many things you have described, but I also know that I cannot hide from the world, anymore.
So, I want to ask you to, please, step back a little. I thank you very much for accompanying all throughout my life and trying to prevent me from ever feeling abandoned and hurt again, but life is getting very lonely with nobody but you to keep me company.
I'm not sure whether I will ever be happy again or whether my heart will ever feel a similar love as the one I have for S again, but I am certain that the only way to find out is to move forward. Otherwise I have already lost.
Please, understand that I see your value and that I am grateful for trying me to protect me all this time, and yet I am afraid that I cannot let you dominate me, anymore. This loneliness and isolation is just too painful to endure and the only way it can end is when I leave my fears behind and start committing more to myself.
Of course, you will always have a place in my life and I appreciate your advice in difficult situations but I have to take more care of myself now and that includes making my own decisions rather than letting you reign over me.
All you ever wanted was to protect me, however I hope that you can see that some of the decisions you have made in my place have turned out to be extremely hurtful both to myself and to others.
Therefore, I have to assert that I will not let you rule over my life, anymore. Your guidance is still welcome as long as you are not taking up too much space in my life, so I will accept your advice and then make my own experiences. It is important that I find my own way rather than blindly following your footsteps and even though it feels weird and scary to be letting go of you, I know that this is the right thing to do.

With kindness,
Milkandhoney

[Armee]

What a really powerful set of letters to write and share.   

[milkandhoney11]

Thank you, Armee