Rainy Journey 23

[Not Alone]

Interesting info on overdeveloped MNS. Thanks for sharing that.

No wonder you are stressed. End of school year, issues at work, buying a house, marriage tension . . . AND cPTSD. Yikes. I think you are doing well in your efforts to balance everything and make healthy decisions.

[rainydiary]

Thank you Not Alone - I appreciate the care and understanding and reminder that it is a lot. 
..........
I am exhausted but feeling a bit better.

One big thing that helped is my supervisor sent me a draft of my evaluation.  It was all really positive and she said "Rainy is helping move the district forward" and "Rainy offers a valuable and unique perspective."  I am sure we will talk about areas for growth tomorrow when we meet but it was so wonderful to have such nice things written down about me.  I hope I can receive any nice things she had to say and not just push it away.

We did the house walkthrough and it was awkward.  The sellers aren't fully moved out which is annoying because Friday is closing day.  There is still a lot of stuff to be moved out given that timeline.  Overall things were ok.  My husband lost his cool about some areas that were miscommunicated between us and the seller about things they felt like were "theirs" and we assumed were built in. 

But, we are moving forward.  Just two more sleeps to the closing day.  Hopefully we won't have to wait too long on Friday for the paperwork to be completed and receive keys.

[Moondance]

Hi Rainydiary,

I haven't responded for a bit but I have been reading your posts and appreciate each one.  When I say appreciate each post I'm saying tge sharing of your experiences, how you process or don't process, being real through the whole struggle and extremely stressful time. I admire that you keep at it.  And if you didn't keep at it that would be okay,  as you probably know.  I just want to say good for you for doing your best.

I understand and acknowledge your struggle and stress you are under.  I'm sorry you are going thru all of this.  I believe and stand with you, period. 

to you if helpful at all.

Ohhh and the list of mirror neurons, the impact list is a perfect match for me.  Wow! Thank you for sharing that as well. 

[rainydiary]

Thank you Moondance for the support and care. 
..........
Today is closing day for the house.  I am up very early but slept the whole time between when I fell asleep and when I got up.

Thankfully I don't have work today and can start getting us ready to move.  It's hard to say what time we will actually have keys to the house.  When we did another walkthrough last night to make sure they finished a few things we noticed on the walkthrough on Wednesday, the sellers are still there. 

This will be a busy weekend but it finally feels like we are on the right track.

[sanmagic7]

so glad to hear you're on the right track, rainy.  it sounds like it will be a busy weekend.  i hope you have some pos. anticipation as well as work ahead of you.  good luck w/ the move.  love and hugs

[Armee]

Wishing you luck with your moving experience and hope this weekend goes well

[Not Alone]

Rainy, I hope that your closing and move go well.

[Moondance]

Thinking of you this weekend. If are needing extra arms to help take mine.   

[rainydiary]

Thank you all for the support 
..........
I am sitting at work (where I would rather not be) and finding it would help to write out an update.

We are mostly settled into our house.  We accomplished a lot of moving over the weekend.  All that is left in the apartment is big stuff we will have movers move.  I also will need to clean the apartment the best I can.

The new house already feels like home and I wish we could just be done with the apartment.  It will be over tomorrow.  The thought of tomorrow is overwhelming but all I can do is take one step at a time.  I am taking the day off work.

I am so sick of work.  We are done on June 16, so the end is approaching.  I think once I get through this week, the final two weeks will be relatively easy. 

We are already having some plumbing issues due to an update the sellers made to their kitchen.  It is what happens.  It's funny because the nature of problems keeps shifting. 

[Bach]

rainy, congratulations on your house!  I'm so glad to hear that it already feels like home. 

That information on the mirror neuron system is very interesting and helpful.  Thank you for sharing it!

[Not Alone]

The new house already feels like home

That is awesome!

[rainydiary]

Bach, thank you.  I hope to explore the mirror neuron stuff more when I feel less overwhelmed.
.....
Not Alone, thank you. 
...........
Well, we survived the movers and are fully in our house.

The move was overall much less stressful and dramatic than I was expecting.

Leaving the apartment was also easy.  I felt sad leaving even though I won't miss living there.  I am feeling grief in this transition.

I really do not want to go to work tomorrow.  I am starting the day with a meeting I have no desire to do.  It is a meeting with a parent and involves colleagues I would rather not have to invite. 

My intention tomorrow is just to do the best I can.

I am feeling bad about my workday yesterday.  My colleague that I share a caseload with at the school has turned very frosty toward me.  I did miss the last two weeks at that school which had nothing to do with her or the school - I needed the time because I was sick and because I had house buying obligations. 

It is difficult when someone shows their true colors.  She is nice as long as she feels dominate and in control.  Now she is turning mean because she doesn't feel that way and will take it out on me. 

Her behavior toward me bothers me because it is triggering.  I also feel strong in myself and able to separate my feelings about myself from her opinion of me (mostly, old habits and views are very strong).

I am trying to enjoy feeling good in my new home and the work days slowing down.  I will make it.

[sanmagic7]

rainy, so glad to hear you feel good in your new home and that the move is over. 

hang tough, 2 weeks to go at work.  best to you w/ the meeting - i hope it goes smoothly.

and *ugh* about that colleague.  i wish she'd leave you alone.  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Thank you San - I am recognizing situations where I can initiate conversation with others to clear the air, but for some people it doesn't feel worth it.  I'll share an update about my meeting - still shaking from it.
..........
I am at work and really want to go home.

My meeting this morning went fine in the sense that everyone showed up.  It did not go as smoothly in terms of people dynamics.

I had to involve a colleague that I previously mentioned to be possibly narcissistic.  She was trying to micromanage me this morning and I was rude to her.  I feel bad for resorting to that - I could try to assert in a different way.

The meeting I had included an interpreter.  We had a huge miscommunication and she spent the entire meeting very mad at me.  At the end of the meeting she confronted me and I learned of the miscommunication.  She said "I am going to have to report this" and her tone was so serious it really threw me off.

The student's teacher and parent both speak Spanish.  I don't speak Spanish which is why I included the interpreter.  Also, the teacher isn't a trained interpreter.  So, no one was thinking of the teacher as an interpreter.

I think what happened is the interpreter felt like they wouldn't be paid for their time (which I don't think is accurate and also an understandable worry).  I contacted the person that schedules interpreters and explained what happened.

No one is actually mad and it is was a learning opportunity.  But it made me feel so bad and I want to go home.  I need to cry but am too flustered.  I need to stay today for another mandatory meeting after school.

In two weeks from today, the school year will be done.  A student just told me he hopes I am back next year at his school.  I hope so too but don't have any control over that.  I hope to learn my assignment soon.

[rainydiary]

I'm having trouble keeping up with my journal right now.

Trying to relax but spent the day managing
the hot tub that came with the house.  I am waiting for the water to be ready for me to add chemicals.  I have been working on draining, cleaning, and adding water all day.   

I am not looking forward to work tomorrow.  I want to keep settling in to our house.