i am trapped in a glass box, curled up against what i cannot bear to bear,
leave the past in the past,
let go and let god,
try to think of the good things in your life,
don't keep dragging forward those memories . . .
they mean well, but to me their platitudes mean nothing
does no one think that if i could do any of that
relieve myself of this ongoing pain
cleanse my being of what i know
that i wouldn't do it in a moment?
do they really think i want to be this way?
that i haven't tried everything in everyone's book
that i haven't tried stilling my mind, making myself blind to the past?
i'm scared to emerge from that glass box.
it feels like the only thing protecting me
from the shards of reality
that would rain down upon me
if it were smashed.
there's nothing else i can do now but watch my world unfold
nothing left to be told
no one left to scold
until someday either the glass melts
or i do.
for now, it is clear as glass
i can wish for, hope for, pray for strength
to remain curled, unfurled,
until answers are swirled around me
and i can grab onto the tale of a kite
which will lift me with the gift of relief.
