When Will I Come Out on the Other Side?

natureluvr · February 01, 2023, 10:32:42 PM

Hello, I've been in recovery from childhood abuse and neglect since the 80's, only back then I had never heard of CPTSD or narcissism. I did therapy and Adult Children of Alcoholics 12 step groups. I've done many years of therapy, but only in the past several years have I see more awareness of trauma, and narcissism. I had been on antidepressants for many years, and just completed a slow taper recently. Because of this, many emotions that were blocked by the drugs are coming up. I've been in a grieving process for the past 3 years, when I was on a lower dose of the drug. I'm currently working with Pete Walker's books CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving, and The Tao of Fully Feeling. These books really resonate with me, and I think they are really helping on a deep level. I've recently, (a few years ago) become aware that my mother was a sadistic narcissist and psychopath. I've decided to go no contact with her, and my siblings, because of their ongoing abuse of me. I will not throw myself under the bus anymore for the sake of fake peace with them.

I gave my intro post this title because I'm now 61, and still trying to recover from this. I've been in recovery for at least 35 years. However, I took a hiatus from intense recovery work while I was raising my children between 1994 and 2019.

I'm looking forward to sharing more in here, and also giving support and understanding to others.

CrackedIce · February 02, 2023, 04:51:05 AM

Welcome to the forum!

Armee · February 02, 2023, 05:37:09 AM

Hi and welcome!

Blueberry · February 02, 2023, 04:14:58 PM

Welcome to the forum, natureluvr

It's a good, supportive place to be. I'm in my 50's and have been on a long healing road, spanning several decades. There are people in their 60's and 70's here as well so you will find understanding on here about the length of time involved in healing. Not to mention understanding about all sorts of other things as well.

Kizzie · February 02, 2023, 05:25:21 PM

Hi Natureluvr and a warm welcome to OOTS

I am 66 but only found out I have CPTSD in my mid-50's and then have had trouble since then finding a T who was trained and experienced in treating it.

It's a bit of a journey for most of us but at least we have each other whereas before we traveled alone for the most part.

woodsgnome · February 03, 2023, 09:40:03 AM

I feel a rapport with the roiling sort of pain and grief you've described here, natureluvr. After a lifetime of dealing with my own scars, I think maybe this journey is more like coming out in a totally new space, not just another side. In other words, somehow we find a new life totally beyond the one we were denied.

That old stuff might still fog up the rear-view mirror, but each moment those remnants fade further from affecting our new adventure.

This new landscape can be scary, full of fear and uncertainty. But even coming this far, you've already passed the starting point of the new life you deserve to find.

That starting point is here. You're out of the storm, where at last you can feel free to be you, safe in your own skin and more than ready to start building that new life.

Welcome to OOTS, natureluvr

Papa Coco · February 04, 2023, 10:00:32 AM

Hi Naturluvr

Welcome to the forum. There are a lot of fantastic people here in every age group. I hope you find the same comradery here that I've been finding. It's been a great help to me to have people who already know what it feels like to be C-PTSD. I don't have to "explain myself" here like I do in other circles of friends.

I'm 62 and have been in therapy since 1980. I've had a great life and a difficult life simultaneously. The best part of this forum is that I don't feel like I'm the only person who struggles with the things we struggle with. The Pete Walker book was one of the breakthroughs that have helped me make sense of all I've been through also.

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found it. I'd tried a few other forums before this one, but they didn't have the same spirit this one does. I feel comfortable here. I hope you do too.

natureluvr · February 04, 2023, 05:34:54 PM

Quote from: woodsgnome on February 03, 2023, 09:40:03 AM
I feel a rapport with the roiling sort of pain and grief you've described here, natureluvr. After a lifetime of dealing with my own scars, I think maybe this journey is more like coming out in a totally new space, not just another side. In other words, somehow we find a new life totally beyond the one we were denied.

That old stuff might still fog up the rear-view mirror, but each moment those remnants fade further from affecting our new adventure.

This new landscape can be scary, full of fear and uncertainty. But even coming this far, you've already passed the starting point of the new life you deserve to find.

That starting point is here. You're out of the storm, where at last you can feel free to be you, safe in your own skin and more than ready to start building that new life.

Welcome to OOTS, natureluvr

This is beautiful and very encouraging! Thank you so much for this warm welcome. I feel hopeful!

natureluvr · February 04, 2023, 05:36:16 PM

Thanks to everyone for giving me such a warm welcome, and so much hope and encouragement! I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better, and letting you all get to know me.

natureluvr · February 07, 2023, 12:38:23 AM

I'm not sure where to post. There are many categories, and many of them seem to not have recent posts in them. Where do the main discussions occur?

Kizzie · February 07, 2023, 05:21:33 PM

Just post wherever is most relevant to your situation. It doesn't matter if there haven't been posts in a while, if you add a post it can spur further discussion.

Having said that, the most visited forum is the recovery journal one.

woodsgnome · February 08, 2023, 01:41:42 AM

I second Kizzie's opinion -- following your own instincts seems to work best, as to when and/or where or what resonates deeply with you. With so much on this forum, that can be daunting but also lead to considering many facets of how others have dealt -- or not -- with some pretty devastating traumatic episodes. Definitive answers can come hard, but just glancing through some of the material on here can help, IMO. All part of the dance, I guess --

Kizzie · February 08, 2023, 03:09:32 PM

Just wanted to add that the forum is meant to be iterative meaning posts build on one another to give a nuanced picture of a particular issue which is why the forum is large. The intent is not to read everything, but to cherry pick topics that resonate with you although sometimes you will discover something you hadn't thought of WRT Complex PTSD, that's the beauty of having so many people contribute.

Hope67 · February 09, 2023, 03:46:32 PM

Hi Natureluvr,
Welcome.

Hope