no returns

[rainydiary]

San, I am sorry to hear about your T's uncertain schedule - it makes it hard to feel support when that happens. 

[Armee]

 

Feel better soon, dear San.

It's OK to be angry at your T for uneven availability. Even if her absence is justified it is still difficult on clients. I feel angry because my T is often gone back to back to back with a week free here or there. It makes it hard. I feel angry even though I know it's what he needs to be able to be there at the level he is there for me and other clients when he is around.

I hope she's back at it next week for you to process. 

[Not Alone]

I would have a hard time if my T cancelled often.

[Papa Coco]

 

[Moondance]

  to you Sanmagic

[sanmagic7]

rainy, thanks for the support and validation

armee, thanks for your support and encouragement. loved that big hug

notalone, thanks for your support and validation

PC, loved that big hug and your support

Moondance, loved that big hug and your support

i'm not fully better yet, but had to come here to drop the load i'm dealing w/.  My ex got into town today, my D is still with him. i saged myself against any of his vibes that she might bring home, and imagined a crew of angels standing between her and him.  i thought i was managing the news, but when it got real today, i flew into a huge EF and am so very upset right now.  it brought back his unclean thoughts toward her.  she assured me he would do what she asked about testing and wearing a mask, but i don't trust him for a minute.  he's already bragged to me about what a great liar he is.  i so hope he doesn't get her sick or spew his crapola anywhere near her.

wow - this hit me harder than it thought.  i'm not out of the stress flu yet, but this heaped more on me.  i'm struggling. i understand she has to go down her own path, which includes keeping him in her life, and he told her he'd talk w/ her about helping her financially. i hope he does, gives her what she needs to help lessen the anxiety and stress she's carrying around about it. it was a big move for her to even ask him for help.

i don't know what to do w/ this.  i still need rest, but this isn't giving it to me - quite the opposite. when will this crapola end?!!!

[rainydiary]

I so resonate with all the stress and EFs and letting others walk their own path.  I have no idea how we do this, but I am here with you.

[Armee]

 

Acceptance, I think, right now. Acceptance that this is extremely difficult and upsetting. Of course you feel awful. I dont even know if I'd call it an EF. It's also present currently. This is both past and present right now. EF for reliving what he put you through and very current mama bear inclinations to protect her- from his creepiness, potential illness, and his lies. 

[sanmagic7]

oh, rainy, i don't know, either.  somehow we do.  i haven't asked her any questions, she's volunteered little.  she knows this is difficult for me, i'm sure, and it's stressful for her.  thank you for your continuing support 

armee, you hit it on the nose.  past and present.  i brought it up to my T, she said it's not therapeutical wisdom to try to do any processing w/ that situation.  i told her i didn't want any, but was looking forward to next week when he'll be gone and i can do some kind of mind cleansing.  she thought that was a good idea.  and, acceptance, yeah.  thank you so much for always being here for me.

yesterday was a pretty stressful day for me.  don't know exactly why it was more so than the 2 days before.  he's still here, will leave fri.  i was edgy all day, distressed, feeling disturbed, yeah, like there was a disturbance in the force for sure.  my D was a bit needier than usual, so i could tell this is wearing on her as well.  i think i've kept my distress at bay enough, tho, that she's not feeling bad vibes off me, so that's good.

i've also been smudging myself while she's gone as protection against any of his vibes she might bring back w/ her.  i can't help feeling something's wonky w/ him, tho.  yesterday when she was leaving (she usually wears t-shirts and leggings), i mentally told her not to walk in front of him cuz he might be checking out her butt.  it's terrible how much lingering beliefs from trauma have grabbed on and held. 

my heart is racing now just writing about it.  i'm gathering up my angel crew to put between them for protection, and will smudge myself later, too.  he leaves tomorrow, but it feels like it's getting worse for me as time has gone on.  happily i talk to my T tomorrow morning.  ugh, my gut is roiling.

[Armee]

Everything you are feeling makes sense for this situation. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. I know you know that I just want to reiterate it. You feel bad because it's a bad situation. I can't wait for him to be gone again. 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, armee.  i can't wait, either.  tomorrow morning.  one more day. 

i took my stitches out this morning from the one wound, so that's done, i'm proud of myself, and glad to be rid of them.  my being feels more able to heal now from this ordeal.  got a note from their office telling me to return in 6 mos. for another mole check.  no, i don't think so.  not w/ that doc, anyway.

just making it thru today.  really looking forward to having him gone.  hope this never happens again.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry san for all you're going through with ex being there. I want to say: "How dare he!?!"

[sanmagic7]

thank you so, blueberry, for your indignation and support.  and those big hugs are so appreciated. 

[Moondance]

Thinking of you San, so glad for you that he is leaving tomorrow.

[Armee]

I hope it never happens again, too. I hope the repercussions if any of his visit are short-lived.

I'm so glad you got those stitches out!