Eerie Anne's Journal

[sanmagic7]

totally agree w/ this, EA -

you know different realities different belief systems and different frequencies

.

i think it's one of the more difficult realities to understand when in a relationship - what one person says comes from their own reality and vice versa.  i think this is why communication is so difficult between people in relationships because the idea of this is not widely known or respected. thanks for this. 

and no pressure on you to respond.  do your thing. love and hugs

[Eireanne]

Thank you San 
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Conflict Management for the Highly Sensitive Person

In order to be loved we need to be accepted, and in order to be accepted we need to be seen, and in order to be seen we have to tell the truth. 
We have to tell the truth about ourselves, what we're feeling, who we are, and that means risking rejection. But when you embrace the reality that if you are authentically you and you are authentically honest and there will be people who reject you and that that says everything about them and what they value and not about your worth, then you can start living in truth and finding your people.

Only...I've been trying to find my people my entire life Sigh.

[Eireanne]

So I'm reading something I had saved, and I come across this line:


You will learn how to say no and say it often.

And I understand the sentiment, but the context is that you will have so many social obligations, you're really going to struggle to prioritize them all, you social butterfly you - you're going to have to turn people away and only prioritize the best relationships!

Years ago, another "helpful" piece of advice was to say YES to everything, and I did. I volunteered, I attended everything I was ever invited to, yearning to just "you never know why you might meet" kindred spirits that would just be MY PEOPLE.  There are no people, there is always, and has always been just me.  Reading teen magazines and doing the "top ten things you need to make men swoon" lol or whatever.

oh...here's another one...and this is completely triggering so I'm just going to leave this here in it's entirety and then go away...


Build Powerful Relationships - If you want great people in your life you first have to be one. You can surround yourself with people who bring you joy, happiness and help you pursue your dreams. Learn how to be of value to everyone in your life while being completely selfish in the best sense. We've all seen relationships in which a "needy" person ends up repelling the very person they want to attract. Identify your personal needs, learn how to ask for what you want and set up a system to satisfy your needs consistently. This is essential to attracting success!
 

[Eireanne]

A few years ago when The Law of Attraction was all the rage, I saved a bunch of stuff on it.  This line: If you want to know what you are thinking about, notice the results you are producing in your life. To change those results, you will first have to change your vibration by changing your thoughts and feelings...

Brings up feels...so I'm leaving it here.

...and this...

If we don't do this, we're probably going to find ourselves on a hamster wheel. We'll keep working away at our path, but with no living source of divine inspiration driving our growth, we'll probably find it hard to change in a meaningful way.

We'll find that our old patterns keep resurfacing, because we won't have any conscious reference points beyond the ego to help us navigate challenging situations.
When we awaken the evolutionary self, however, we begin to have a very different relationship to difficulties. We're undaunted by what life throws at us. That's because the evolutionary self, the very impulse of evolution within us, is free of the constraints of our archaic conditioning. And it's motivated by a different set of values and cares than those of our small self or ego.
We can embody this part of us and put it in charge of life; we can be driven by its much higher motivations and deeper, truer instincts. We just have to become adept at "switching" to it.

[Eireanne]

Found this little snippet in the stuff I'm reading through

over and over again I'd meet people and try so hard to make it work, being used, manipulated, lied to and I put up with it - victim - no self esteem, no self-worth and people just sensed that, is what people told me - too trusting, too gullible so what's changed? I haven't changed, so what have I done to have D?

[Eireanne]

Worthlessness

Inadequacy

Ineffectualness

Devaluation

Impotency

Rejection

Uneasiness or not knowing what to expect

Helplessness

Boredom

Frustration

Deadening of emotions

Incompetency

Anger

Loneliness

Abandonment

Self blaming

None of us are aware or can see our personal aspects of underdevelopment. Your attempts to make the person understand how you feel about the impact of their behaviors and attitudes on you will fail, as they remain totally unaware. Your attempts to make them aware or get through to them will fail, and will be perceived as threats to their core essential self. This will bring out their defenses for protection. You generally do not win or make any headway, and can find yourself in a worse position than before.
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and it's opposite:

Cognitive behavior exercises.

remember what successes you've had in the past. Don't let anyone strip away your self-confidence. Stay whole.

Try to change your perspective. remember what you did to be successful in other aspects of your life and take a similar approach with work.  Think of what you've learned from the difficult working situations you've experienced. 

 

Confidence

Curiosity

Decisiveness

Empathy

Flexibility

Humor

Intelligence

IQ

Optimism

Perseverance

Respect

Self Awareness


Give yourself credit for past effort and success

How to make your accomplishment happen. Adjust your attitude. Write down your goal and look at it frequently. Create and opportunity to connect. Listen to self-improvement meditations. Create a habit of positive self-talk

[Eireanne]

I wrote this in 2017 I guess...

I kind of want to take a break from goal setting and just reset, and put my life on pause and get my head on straight before I do anything else. 

I really have to work on consistency and discipline, because I'm only doing the bare minimum now. Each month I want to add another facet to my productivity until I am at a place each day where I am getting my sh*t done.

Until I can get my responsibilities managed, ie, on a schedule and so that they don't take up the majority of my time anymore, I'll be able to start again. I really do wish I had more time to do things for me :-( I should probably do this as well, so instead of doing anything that I desperately need to do, I am spending a few hours d*cking around on the computer.

I literally could spend all day on my computer alone and still not be caught up on the myriad of things I fell behind on.  I need to start giving myself 1 hour a day just to be committed to going through things on my computer.


Well, I finally got my wish, now I can spend all day every day on my computer, catching up on the myriad of things I fell behind on.  Go me. 

[Eireanne]

I look at myself through other people's eyes or what I think they think of me. My mind has created a habit - a mindset of ideas - not a truth

I put my negative ideas in other people's heads...behavior stems from thoughts.

I personalize things.

It's my thoughts. I'm thinking they don't like me. I can't read their minds. there's something wrong with everyone, and I'm working on my imperfections. So at least I'm not in denial, right?

I have a skewed awareness...there's something wrong with them, not me.

Situations -> thoughts -> feelings -> behavior

[Eireanne]

Something else from 2017


I used to feel like I could do anything and now i feel like I can't do anything. I did everything myself from an early age, I had to learn how to be self-sufficient. I could do my own taxes, I could change my spark plugs, but now i feel like I can't do anything, I can't do my hair, I can't do my makeup, I can't dress myself, and I can't do any of the adulting things - I am so tired of being me, so tired of always having to do everything myself I just want someone else to do it, I know the things I need to do that will get me closer to getting out of my depression but I don't do them, I don't do any of the things, because I'm so afraid that it's too late. I'm afraid to try. I'm waiting for someone else to tell me to do it, waiting for it to be an assignment, or D who says, "do it for me" so why can't I just do it for myself?

I only remember the negative in every memory, D remembers the good - why do I choose so hard to hold on to the negative - I distort what people say to me only to hear the negative and what if the fact that I'm so real be the reason I got fired - I hate gossip, I hate mean people, I just want to be surrounded by good people and when I have to be around petty people it shows on my face and maybe the reason J got rid of me is because it showed on my face that I hated her and I dreaded our interactions when all I needed to do was be fake and bubbly and happy to see her.

[Moondance]

This stuff is just so hard - I stand wuth you Eireanne.

 

[Eireanne]

I attempted a Happiness Course a few years ago...

Week 1 – Measure your happiness (spoiler alert, I'm not happy)

Use your Signature Strengths

Honesty Your top strength is Honesty which means you present yourself in a genuine way and act sincerely. People see you as real: What you see is what you get. You stick to what you value and what you believe to be true.

Followed by Fairness, Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence, Love of learning

Try to use them in new ways every day for a week.

Week 2 – Savoring is the act of stepping outside an experience to review and appreciate it. Savoring intensifies and lengthens the positive emotions that come with doing something you enjoy. When you take part in this savored experience, be sure to practice some common techniques that enhance savoring. These techniques include - sharing the experience with another, thinking about how lucky you are to enjoy such an amazing moment, taking a photo to remind you of that activity, and making sure you stay in the present moment the entire time.  Today, practice the art of savoring by picking one experience to truly savor.

Daily Gratitude Journal Gratitude is a positive emotional state in which one recognizes and appreciates what one has received in life.  Research shows that taking time to experience gratitude can make you happier and even healthier. Take 5-10 minutes a day to write down five things for which you are grateful. They can be little things or big things. But you really have to focus on them and actually write them down. You can just write a word or short phrase, but as you write these things down, take a moment to be mindful of the things you're writing about (e.g., imagine the person or thing you're writing about, etc.).

Week 3 – Random Acts of Kindness Research shows that happy people are motivated to do kind things for others. Over the next seven days, try to perform seven acts of kindness beyond what you normally do. You can do one extra act of kindness per day, or you can do a few acts of kindness in a single day. These do not have to be over-the-top or time-intensive acts, but they should be something that really helps or impacts another person. For example, help your colleague with something, give a few dollars or some time to a cause you believe in, say something kind to a stranger, write a thank you note, give blood, and so on. At the end of each day, list your random act of kindness. Just make sure you've finished seven total new acts of kindness by the end of the week.

Social Connection Research shows that happy people spend more time with others and have a richer set of social connections than unhappy people. Studies even show that the simple act of talking to a stranger on the street can boost our mood more than we expect. This week, you will try to focus on making one new social connection per day. It can be a small 5-minute act like sparking a conversation with someone on public transportation, asking a coworker about his/her day, or even chatting to the barista at a coffee shop. At least once this week, take a whole hour to connect with someone you care about. The key is that you must take the time needed to genuinely connect with another person. At the end of the day, list the social connection you made and notice how you feel when you jot it down.

Week 4 – Exercise Research suggests that 30 minutes a day of exercise can boost your mood in addition to making your body healthier. For the next week, you will spend each day getting your body moving with at least 30 minutes of exercise.  Set aside a location and time (write it in your calendar!). Then go for a walk, do an online yoga class, or throw on some headphones and dance around your room. This isn't supposed to be a marathon-level of activity; it's just to get your body moving a bit more than usual.  Be sure to take a moment to notice how much better you feel after getting some exercise in.

Sleep One of the reasons we're so unhappy in our modern lives is that we're consistently sleep deprived. Research shows that sleep can improve your mood more than we often expect. For the next week, aim to get at least seven hours of sleep for at least four nights of the next week. Sleep is going to make you feel better— both physically and mentally.

Week 5 – Meditate Research shows that meditation can have a number of positive benefits, including more positive moods, increased concentration, and more feelings of social connection. For the next week, you will spend each (at least) 10 minutes per day meditating. Find a quiet spot where you won't be disturbed while you're meditating. Meditation isn't about the meditation itself; it's about building a skill that we can use later. Lots of people find it hard at first, but stick with it and see if it allows you to feel a bit calmer over the course of the week. At the end of the day, log when and how long you meditated in your preferred tracking system.

Loving Kindness Meditation Meta – work on practicing compassion. You use a mantra, may you be happy, may you be healthy – the science the simple act of doing this will allow you to feel compassion without the empathy that comes along with it

By focusing on your mental health, it can actually increase your productivity

If you're not actually getting your even basic needs met, getting extra money is not going to help you too much.  It doesn't matter and it seems like once you get your basic needs...

All kinds of actions, intentions, habits that people bring in.  That big 40% seems to control a lot of our happiness, and the good news is that, unlike other stuff, that part really is under our control. 


One of your last rewirements is one that research suggests will have a big impact on your happiness and that of another person. This week, write a letter of gratitude to someone you care about. For this assignment, think of one living person who has made a big difference in your life, but whom you never properly thanked. Then find a quiet spot when you have a half-hour free and write a heartfelt letter to that person explaining how he or she has touched your life and why he or she is meaningful to you. Your letter can be as long as you want, but try to make it at least 300 words or so. Then you must deliver that letter to the person in question. Just say you want to talk to that person without explaining why. You could read the letter to your chosen person over the phone or Skype, but for an extra huge happiness boost, we recommend scheduling a time to visit this person in person to share your letter. However you meet up, you should read the letter aloud. We also recommend that you both have some tissues handy for this one. A gratitude letter is one of the most powerful tool for increasing happiness because it can forge social bonds and really change someone's life.

you have high challenging things, but you don't feel like you have the skills to do them so that produces a lot of anxiety

Commit to one of the rewirements for 4 weeks
The hope is that by this point in the course, you have sampled several rewirements such as: using your strengths, savoring experiences, keeping a gratitude journal, connecting to others, performing kindness to others, exercising and sleeping more, meditating, and writing a gratitude letter. Pick one of the requirements from the course that resonated with you, one that you want to practice in earnest. Perhaps you want to tackle the rewirement that was the most challenging for you to complete or maybe you want to focus on the rewirement that had the most positive impact on your mood. Whatever your reasons may be, we want you to put this rewirement into practice for 4 weeks in hopes of making a long-term habit.
For reference, here is a quick breakdown of the rewirements:
•    Signature Strengths - using your top character strengths in new ways
•    Savoring - taking time to savor the things you enjoy
•    Gratitude - (List and/or Letter) - expressing gratitude for the people and things in your life
•    Kindness - increasing your acts of kindness
•    Social Connection - making connections with strangers and acquaintances along with scheduling time for the people in your life
•    Exercise - increasing your physical activity to at least 30 minutes a few times a week
•    Sleep - making sure you sleep at least 7 hours a night several times a week
•    Meditation - meditating for 5-10 minutes if you are a beginner or increasing your time in meditation if you already meditate regularly

Prepare for the Peer Review Assignment in Week 10

The 4-Week Rewirement Challenge is the basis for your only graded writing assignment.
Our guess is that you are taking this course not just because you want to learn about theories for living a happier life. You're taking this course because you also want to live a happier life yourself. Unfortunately, as we saw in lecture, merely knowing about the psychological research on behavior change is not enough to change our behavior (read: G.I. Joe Fallacy!). To actually achieve personal changes from taking this class, you need to put in the work and time needed to rewire your bad habits and strategies. And that's the goal of this final project: rather than just hearing about what science says about improving well-being, we want you to actually try a scientifically-backed strategy for improving well-being yourself. For real. And for more than just a week.

Making this self-improvement project a requirement of the class has two big benefits that fit with the themes of the course. First, making you change your habits as part of the final writing assignment increases the chances that you'll actually get around to making those changes happen. With the social support of your fellow learners in this course and your grade on the line, you'll be more likely to actually make changes that you want to see in your life happen. Ultimately, this writing assignment is a way of nudging you into the behavior changes you've wanted to make for a while but haven't put the time and effort into yet.

For this writing assignment, you will practice a rewirement for 4 weeks before responding to the writing prompts outlined in the Peer Review assignment. The prompt in the Peer Review Assignment will ask you the following:
1.    Which rewirement did you pick and why?
2.    Did you socially commit to the rewirement?
3.    Did you utilize situation support or goal setting strategies?
4.    How many times you did you PLAN to do the rewirement and how many times did you ACTUALLY do it? How did you track your progress?
5.    Did your happiness score change over time?
6.    How was the overall experience for you?

Make a plan! Think about how many times you will do your rewirement, when will you do it, where will you do it, who will you do it with? Having concrete answers to these questions will help you stick to your plan.

[Eireanne]

As I continue to read through things I've saved, I'm struck more and more about how I was trying to read everything like I was "normal" and not "me".  As I read through with the "me" filter, I realize the "advice" is faulty, and again, that's just for "me".  I don't want anyone else reading this start questioning their own understanding (unless it's helpful for them) as I'm still processing all of this for myself and not sure what I'm going to determine once I'm done.  I'm going to stop leaving these disclaimers, but I just want you all to know how much I appreciate this space to do this work.  Thank you for all the hugs and support 

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With a fixed mindset, you believe you are who you are and you cannot change. This creates problems when you're challenged, because anything that appears to be more than you can handle is bound to make you feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort. This makes them happier because they are better at handling difficulties. They also outperform those with a fixed mindset because they embrace challenges, treating them as opportunities to learn something new.

The mind has a tendency to magnify past pleasure to such a great degree that the present pales in comparison. This phenomenon can make you lose faith in the power of the future to outdo what you've already experienced. Don't be fooled. Believe in the great things the future has in store.

This understanding kept me trapped for so long, because any time I got overwhelmed, I was thinking oh no, I must be in a "fixed" mindset and not - oh no, I can't possibly be an expert in every single aspect of my life because I NEED SOCIAL SUPPORT. I really truly believed I could improve with effort but everything I try doesn't work. Because relationships take TWO people wanting to make it work, and I was/am consistently doing 100% of the work, wondering why nothing is improving.  And the thought that what little I have experienced so far is the best it's ever going to be is downright depressing.

[Eireanne]

Here's another -

if you don't trust your judgment in the other person and give the relationship a chance you may never be with someone and you'll end up alone anyway. Why not take the opportunity to let go of your fear and commit to someone you feel a connection with?

Because I feel connections with people that manipulate and take advantage of me.  I have settled for so little in my life, from my family, from my "closest friends" that when a person shows the SLIGHTEST interest in me I just take that and accept it, because 1% attention is better than 0% - and as the article says, "you'll end up alone anyway"

[Eireanne]

Think about a situation that you would like to change. I want to feel less isolated/abandoned/rejected

Feel for where in your body you feel the anger, frustration, hurt, etc. Close your eyes and let an image come to you for how you envision it. Recognize that this feeling is what has caused you to reach for a crutch, to blame the other person, to blame yourself or to avoid dealing with it entirely.

Realize that as long as this energy exists within you that the same situations will continue to show up. great, thanks

Turn from this feeling for a moment and ask yourself, "What DO I want to feel?" loved, accepted, belonging, supported

Then ask God or your angels or your Higher Self to allow you to feel that.

Then just focus on feeling it. Close your eyes and tell yourself "I INTEND to feel peaceful in this situation and with this person."

Then just focus on breathing in and out and allow yourself to feel it.

Do that for until you start to feel the relief of just focusing on feeling peace, love, safe, etc.

Now go back to where the negatively charged feeling is in your body and surround it with the feeling you've been practicing.

Some people see this as light surrounding darkness.
Breathe into that darkness and tell it. I am ready to let you go and I now release you.

It may take you several breaths to exhale the darkness out of you.

Be determined to move forward with your life, with your growth and be willing to face any darkness within you. You will have to face all of it eventually. I always think it's easier to face it proactively on my terms than wait for that energy to manifest a crisis for me to have to handle it then.

I had to be willing to forgive others by no longer being willing to hold onto the emotions I had attached to them and what they had "done" to me.

I had to be willing to face up to the times I had exhibited less than perfect behavior and apologize to those I had projected my feelings on.

And I had to be willing to forgive myself.

[Eireanne]

Retraining our brain and releasing old patterns to allow space for new, healthier patterns is a powerful way to affect change. The truth is that we have immense power within. We have the power to change our thoughts and when we change our thoughts, we can then begin to alter our patterns and behaviors. We have the ability through neuroplasticity to create new neural pathways that serve us rather than working against us.  It's all about the inner mindset. The key to true beauty is "putting on your Infit before you put on your outfit." Take a long look in the mirror. Begin to cherish and embrace you. Begin to shift your perspective, particularly the one about yourself. Change the stories you tell yourself about yourself. If you desire to look more beautiful, tell yourself that you're beautiful. Look deeply into your eyes and tell yourself how amazing you are and mean it!  Stop tearing your body apart for its physical appearance, and started appreciating everything that it lets you do. All the ways it allows you to live, cares for you, heals you, despite all you put it through.

You cannot let your past and the bad things that have ever happened to you weigh you down. Everyone has * baggage, some worse than others, but you've got to walk through life like you haven't got any. Like you're as light and free as a pretty little autumn leaf just drifting through the air.