Hi, new to forum

[Beewitchme]

Hi all

I am brand new to this forum.  Not quite sure how much or how little to put here. Guess a little precis of cause and effect might be the thing to do.

Dad very emotionally abusive and violent towards whole family, level of abuse and dictate was so extreme (he once tried to hire a hitman to kill us all) he is considered borderline psychotic.

I am very close to my mum and sister (guess unity against a bully).  I also have a sister in Canada that I have yet to meet in person but she traced us a few years ago and she is now very much part of our family. I Had a brother but he was ill with schizophrenia and eventually took his life. I have been in a succession of unhealthy relationships.  I was sexually promiscuous and frequently find myself in unsafe situations.

As well as being bullied at home I was bullied during my school years and was very introverted.  I am a very different person today but still live a constant battle with myself.  I have many positives in my life, and celebrate those positives.  In spite of the many positives, my life is extremely difficult, I am never at peace with myself and constantly seek approval from external sources. 

I was excelling in work which gave me a real sense of purpose, and achievement, I felt valued. Many changes happened in my workplace and I found myself in constant battle with abusive managers.  I was tipped over the edge and have never recovered.  I have not worked since 2012 when I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I am terrified to return to paid employment in any capacity and am obsessed with getting justice against my former employer but am too scared to start proceedings, in case I don't win.  I am actively practicing galloping inertia to prolong my hope.

Hope what I have written is okay.

Thank you

Regards

[Rrecovery]

Hi Beewitchme and Welcome    I appreciate you sharing your story; I hear how much you have suffered and are suffering.  I was bullied too and I know how painful that is.  I'm glad you found your way here.  You'll find this to be a safe and nurturing place.  I guess there's something about sharing the experiences of intense and prolonged suffering that can create a warm, loving, understanding community.  I look forward to getting to know you better 

[Dyess]

Welcome to the forum, glad you are here