Alone?

[str_grl]

I just found this group but it feels so good to know that I am not alone in my struggles. I suffer from C-PTSD from having a mother with BPD who spent a good portion of my childhood in and out of psychiatric hospitals and a father who was emotionally distant. Within the last couple of years, I reached a point where I has having frequent emotional flashbacks and panic attacks. I work hard with my therapist and medication that I never swore I would never take to be the best version of myself I can. I also am working on building self-esteem that never got nurtured as a child. I have never really felt understood, especially when my ex-boyfriend would get extremely confused and agitated by the fact that I have good and bad days. I then felt even more ashamed of my mental health and just wanted to be fixed. However, I really relate to what I have read on this forum and I understand that I am not alone and that life expands beyond what happened.
So... hi! I'm Star Girl!

[Armee]

Hi star Girl, and welcome. Also raised by a (mostly) single BPD mom. I hope you can find good support here. 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Star Girl,

Welcome to the forum. I'm very glad you found it. I found it almost 2 years ago. It's been a fantastic place to be myself. I don't need to explain myself here. we all know what it feels like to be who we are here. I hope you also find this to be a great place to share in both friendship and information.

I empathize about your boyfriend's struggle to deal with your moods. My wife has had a long road to travel also, because she has to deal with my good days and bad. We learned early on that we can call it The Flu. No one needs to feel bad that I feel bad. My wife and family know that it was my childhood that made me what I am, and that none of my mood swings are their fault. They can just treat me like I have the flu and we can all get on with life. When I have bad days, it affects my family too. Pretending it's the flu that comes on without warning, and leaves the same way, helps everyone here cope a bit better.  They don't' know what it feels like to be me, but they understand that C-PTSD is as real as any other disease or disorder, and that it just is what it is. So they love me for what/who I am. They're always grateful that I address it head-on and I never stop looking for newer methods for healing.

[str_grl]

Thank you so much for your welcome!
Papa Coco I love how you treat it like the flu. I may try out this mindset as I think it can help me and the people around me. Thank you so much for this idea!

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Str Grl    I am glad you found your way here and will be a member of our community!  It's scary how many of us there are but I agree it's also a big relief to know you're not the only one, aren't crazy but have symptoms many. many who suffered abuse/neglect do and that there is a safe place to come and share.

 

[Bermuda]

Papa Coco that is such helpful insight.

Hi Star Girl, welcome to the forum. I read what you wrote and I know too what it is like to be an object of agitation. It's hard. I have no insight myself though.

I hope you find all the information you need.

[Moondance]

Welcome Strgirl,

I hope you find this forum as insightful and supportive as I do.

if okay

[Not Alone]

A warm welcome, Star Girl. 

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, StarGirl

I love that idea of The Flu, PapaCoco.

[str_grl]

Thank you all for the warm welcome!