Greetings everyone

[Sprinkles]

I'm here because i reached a point where I could no longer work out my feelings in my own mind after a memory sent my PTSD spiraling. I know the root of it all is from the person who had me. I don't refer to her as my mother because never was one. The hardest part has been living with the damage she had done.

Life has felt a bit like a domino effect. A majority of people I've encountered have mistreated and seemed to act they were entitled to do so, I became very weary and cautious as I aged.

I have tried to just be tough and get on with life. Then I became disabled and my tough exterior seemed to diminish. Many of the experiences of getting medical attention had been traumatic;

It's felt like my PTSD was becoming compounded. I have tried being positive, listening to music to relax, and engaging in art.  Ill think I'm doing ok and that's when the memories make their presence known.

I have hope being among others who can relate will help handle these moments in a healthy manner.

[storyworld]

Hello, Sprinkles,

I'm new here as well. I'm sorry you're in such a rough place. I'm sorry for the pain you experienced by the woman who birthed you. I hope you find encouragement here. I know how challenging it can be to "soldier on" when triggers won't relent. I admire all the ways you have tried to self-care, and also your courage for coming here and posting. When I first joined, I found that challenging and so recognize the courage that took. It's been helpful for me to know others experience some of the same symptoms (that I always previously saw as a defect in myself and am learning to reframe). I hope the same occurs for you.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Sprinkles 

I so sorry for all that you went through and continues to haunt you. I think a lot of us try to soldier on because that's all we know to do, not realizing that stuffing down all the memories and feelings only works fitfully.  Add in some stress and the trauma pops up again (and again and again). 

I was just reading "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk again and he talks about three ways clinicians have found help us. First is top down, by talking about what happened (and may still be happening), Second is by taking meds that shut down overly sensitive alarm reactions. Third is by helping the body to have experiences that "deeply and viscerally contradict the helplessness, rage or collapse that result from trauma" (p. 3). I don't know if you've read the book but it's one that resonates with a lot of survivors.  Another is Pete Walker's book "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving."

Anyway, here is a safe space where you can share more about what happened to you when you're ready to do so. Members are understanding, supportive and affirming.