Physical Ailments with CPTSD - Part 1

[Indigochild]

Hey Dutch Uncle, / *next guy on the street!*
haha, just joking, you seem to know more about this than most, from your post.

Thank you so much for your reply too, and all the links! I will definitely check them out.
I cant believe you googled it and everything, it was so great of you to send them. FYI, i wouldnt say you were a layman! 
And thank you for validating that time has been tough lately.
Its hard for me to take myself seriously, or to give myself a break...and your post reminded me of this. So yes, -thanks.

It is so confusing, because i dont know what came first, the fatigue, or the depression. I have always had both.

Thanks for saying about seeing an endocrinologist.
It would be good to see if there are any physical causes first. T ages ago said to go to the doctor so at least i could know weather there was something physically wrong at least, but i didnt go.

I always think that websites etc. are trying to sell supplements. They probably are.

I do definitely think that therapy is the best way to get rid of the fatigue. This guy on a vid i watched on adrenal fatigue said that stressors need to be removed from life in order for the fatigue to go away...which makes sense to me...
I still think this, but i have been feeling so extremely weak and fatigued for more than a week following a domestic trigger and other triggers before that, that i wanted to know if there was anything i could do about this fatigue problem whilst undergoing therapy....
i do think there is a definite problem physically, my body isn't happy about being highly stressed and the fatigue is lasting longer and longer each time, and i havent had an appetite for like, a week, so i havent been eating, but i do think that therapy will be the biggest help for all of this.
Thanks so much Dutch. Take care of yourself,
 

[Talisien]

For just over a year I have been loosing the feeling in my legs. After every test known to man or beast nothing physical has been found. PTSD realated? beginning to think so.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Talisien and welcome to Out Of The Storm. 

At the moment I'm working through my dissociation. It's all quite new to me, and thus I'm by no means an expert and I also do not experience loosing feelings in my limbs, but as far as I'm beginning to understand dissociation, one way of manifesting this phenomena can be by feelings of disconnect to body parts.

I thought I'd share, as you tell that "After every test known to man or beast nothing physical has been found." the source might well not be physical but indeed cPTSD related, as dissociation is quite common among us. Even though by no means it's a given, as far as I know.

[Talisien]

Interesting! For some reason I assumed that dissociation was an emotional/mental thing and didn't relate to the physical body but it does make sense. It is the weirdest and most frightening experience.

Thanks for sharing with me. I am very new to these concepts in relation to myself so all information is welcome. 

[Butterfly]

Indigo some things that helped with my adrenal fatigue is eliminating caffeine and alcohol completely. These only increase cortisol which a under emotional stress the body has plenty of already without adding the physical stress. Other things that can reduce physical stress are some dietary changes like eating for nutrition rather than canned, boxed and junk. Reduced my processed foods. Bananas, winter squash and sweet potatoes helped me for calming benefits.

Also reducing emotional stress has helped. Getting my boundaries in order and learning to speak up some, baby steps at first, I mean baby, little peeps of a whisper in the beginning. At the very least walking away from the drama and chaos, reducing time spent with high stress people. Making time for self care and self nurturing has helped. Curling up in a blanket if and when I need to and resting when needed.

Focused deep breathing to lower the heart rate has helped as well. Various tools, instruction and possible meditation if you google it I'm sure. I have a phone app that counts breathing until I got the hang of doing it on my own.

If can handle it physically any activity your doctor approves, walking in a calm setting. There is a walking meditation practice that helps ground and center also.

Those two things produce cortisol, physical stress and emotional stress.

Sending a for extra measure.

[Jdog]

Good point about the triggers going both directions- causing pain and being started up by pain.  I have tinnitus which has been worsening and am headed to the audiologist tomorrow.  I do meditation and email my therapist regularly on these sorts of topics.  I just today made the connection that one reason tinnitus makes me scared is a distant memory of being hit and that causing my ears to ring.  So, now I can work on disconnecting my old memory from this new, age-related condition.  It's not going to be a piece of cake to accomplish, but knowledge is power.

[flowergirl]

I am new to this but here goes, seeing as this thread really pertains to me right now....
Diagnosed with PTSD 8 years ago from domestic violence, (10 years, 3 relationships, each worse than the last), kidnapping, childhood trauma and childhood sexual abuse. 9 treatment centers in 3 countries and only NOW and I being diagnosed with CPTSD. After being wrongly diagnosed and medicated for bi-bolar, then borderline personality disorder. 2 forced hospitalizations in mental facilities where my rights were taken away (shocked and appalled that America can do this so easily, being British, that would NEVER have happened there. WISH I could go back but I'd never be allowed to take my children. Hate feeling stuck here - really doesn't help with the no control piece)!  Medicated since 13, tried every medication known to man and nothing was very effective. Nearly died 2 years ago from the seizures coming off it all, mostly the 8mg of Xanax which I was told I may never come off fully, (again, shocked and appalled America - I had no idea this was a near lethal dose, nor that I shouldn't have been on it for anywhere near as long as I was. We think we can trust medical professionals....guess again).
It is 2 years since I 'came out of the storm' thanks to a great therapist and SE (somatic experiencing-Peter Levine-changed my life), and am now also in an extremely healing relationship, after years of making myself be single and figuring out how to break my constantly repeating cycles. However it seems as if my body is only now letting loose the 10 years of abuse (including a broken back) on me now. In the last 18 months I have had pneumonia twice, mumps, mononucleosis, constant IBS and 3 kidney infections that needed hospitalization. I developed very bad allergies which I have never had before and was also diagnosed with fybromyalgia (a drug company made up disease in my opinion and through endless research, to give a name to chronic fatigue and somatic symptoms due to stress. I certainly don't need another label. As an aside I am deeply concerned with the mass overmedication and flippant overuse and over diagnosis of serious medical and mental illnesses I found in every 'therapeutic' environment in the America, which is why in the end I sought treatment in South Africa. The Meadows in Arizona had me on 9 medications at one point. I now take nothing but supplements as medical marijuana has done what hundreds of different medications couldn't, and is FAR less dangerous. I feel very angry at the clinics which suggested this is only an illegal and addictive drug. I have been an alcoholic as a coping mechanism and am aware that anything can be used as such, but demonizing of such a harmless substance that can't kill, whereas prescription drugs kill someone from misuse every 20 seconds in America, is just ridiculous to me, and prevents many people from getting better by instilling shame where there needn't be any. I know big pharma funds America and controls our government but seriously??!! I STRONGLY recommend seeking treatment outside of the USA). My medical bills are through the roof, especially as my insurance tried to drop me out of the blue leaving me holding $10,000 of medical bills, and no Dr, naturopath or therapist can give me real answers. I am almost at the point where I am completely non-functioning, which after everything I worked so hard to get through, seems a bit karmically unfair! As I write this it is my ninth week of being unable to work, exercise or do much of anything else as on top of it all I have developed mysterious allergic reactions which give me chronic hives over my whole body, and an intermittent fever of 102. Initially the reactions came and went over a period of 6 weeks, on for 3 days, off for 4, but now it is constant and only controlled by  a combo of allegra, zantac and singulair that my new allergist put me on. I have been on 4 courses of antibiotics in 2 months and steroids for 7 weeks, all of which is I'm sure not helping my mood, especially the dreadful steroids, which I just tapered off. Blood and skin testing hasn't given an answer to the source of the allergy and now there's talk of it being purely stress related. I am facing an out of pocket $700 allergy test and really I've just had enough. I recently developed the second bout of pneumonia as my immune system was just so depleted that a cold my sons had turned into pneumonia in me.
My emotionally abusive and absent father died last year, after which I got the first bout of pneumonia (coincidence that in Eastern medicine grief is experienced in the lungs), and now my equally emotionally abusive half brother is suing my dead father in vengeance over the will and holding my whole family hostage over it. His behavior, and abusive way of interacting with me and the rest of my family is so reminiscent of my abusive partners that it incredibly frustratingly (as I seemed to have no control over it whatsoever), kicked me straight back into my PTSD as I had it at the time of my past abusive relationships. I now find myself slipping back into old behaviors that I have worked SO hard to move on from as they are nothing but self defeating, and this scares me. Is it possible that all these physical symptoms are my body's way of 'coming out of the numbness' for lack of a better way of putting it, after I have really worked my * off on the emotional piece? It has been suggested that my body wasn't 'allowed' to feel while I was dealing with so much situational stress/violence, and that only now is it 'waking up'. In which case, has anyone else experienced this and how long can I expect it to last? I can't take much more!
Other little aside, my son just turned 12, and the year of my greatest trauma(s) was 13. I have also heard from my therapist that parents with CPTSD will very often kick back into the emotional age of their greatest trauma starting the year before their child turns that age. When I turned 13 I lost my mother, was sexually assaulted for the first time and was then told "not to tell anyone it will ruin your reputation" and sent to British boarding school where I began to really unravel. Has anyone else heard of this? I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy until I talked with my therapist and she suggested this. I literally find myself acting like the most unmanageable teenager at times and seem to have very little control over my rage and fear, and it's damaging my relationships. I just don't know how much more I can take and of course no one around me except for my therapist has any real comprehension of what this feels like so I think I just appear a bit crazy and unreasonable. Help!

[Butterfly]

warm welcome flower girl and I'm so very sorry you've been through such terrible trauma. What you've been through is truly heartbreaking and I'm glad you're on a healing and peaceful path. To answer your question, yes it's common that at the point of trauma you get stuck in that emotional stage of development. I hope you find the community here supportive and the website resources beneficial for your continued journey to peace.

[SeventhFold]

I've experienced quite a few of the issues mentioned in this thread, like IBS, GERD, back and neck issues, and nerve issues/numbness in my feet and legs. For a while now I've been dealing with something that would seem to be unconnected to C-PTSD: rotator cuff tears. These are most often seen in athletes or people who do strenuous repetitive work, like factory workers. I'm about the furthest thing in the world from an athlete, and my whole working life took place in an office. The only thing I could come up with connected to shoulders is the almost constant tension I carry in my entire body. My shoulders are always held in tension, ready to duck a blow, and I think that draws the rotator cuff tight across the joint, where movement causes fraying of its fibers. I'll have to bring that up to my GP if I can ever make myself go in to the clinic again.

[Sienna]

Hello guys.
Its like the blinders are comming off lately - with a lot of things.
Been experiencing unpleasant physical symptoms a lot lately and they have not stopped.
This is a little embarrassing ... but i wrote on here before about how i dont feel i quality for IBS.
But I'm not sure now..just reading up online, and all the symptoms ive never gotten checked out have happened and are happening at the moment.
Just because times are difficult right now...doesnt mean it may by IBS does it?

Can IBS symptoms flare up during difficult times? Even if you are eating right?
I know i may have Adrenal Fatigue and that that can mess up the gut....
but i dont know if i should get tested for IBS.
I have and still am in a lot of physical discomfort. I dont want them to put me on meds...but i dont know what to do about the physical discomfort I'm experiencing and i would like some relief as it has been going on for ages and seems super exaggerated at this time.
Thanks.

[Drew]

I haven't read all the responses, but I saw a few and I'm so glad that I'm not alone with muscle tightness. I have extremely tense muscles (pretty bad, where they don't/can't relax without chemical help). It also seems to get worse if I've been triggered recently.

I found stretching, heating pads, and massage helps (but isn't a cure). If I deal with my emotions, which is really hard to even feel sometimes, I find that the muscle tension isn't as great. Also, I'm in CA and I have a recommendation for medical marijuana which helps with muscle tension and relaxation—and incidentally, feeling emotions.

I hope this helps someone.

[sanmagic7]

i do believe i've been as messed up physically as emotionally with all this.  although i feel for every single one of you who have posted about physical ailments, it really is good to know that, 1), i'm not the only one with this crap (sometimes literally!  lol!) going on, and 2), that i haven't been making this up, that this, is, indeed, a product of the chronic stress and psychological abuse that comes from narc abuse.  i believe i've had 4 npd relationships as an adult - 2 husbands, a therapist, and my oldest daughter.  one ex-hub is no longer a threat, and i even got an apology out of him!  but, the other 3, well, there's no telling which was worse or how.  they were coming at me at the same time from 3 different psychological places.  and, as my body began breaking down, i eventually realized that i was on my own.  (i've instigated no contact with all of them, and did report the therapist to our state board).

i've been working on healing my physical being for about 15 years.  so much of what i've read on this discussion speaks to me.  the allergies that came from out of nowhere.  the glaucoma.  ibs.  tension in the muscles, literally not being able to relax, not knowing how!  dancing legs syndrome that kept me from being able to sleep well for 20 years.  (i have been on meds to help me sleep for another 20 years.  without help, i'm not able to sleep).  respiratory problems (copd).  increased cholesterol and triglyceride levels.  constant fatigue - i also believe that i experience adrenal fatigue.  a compromised immune system.  and, an unhealthy inflammation response that triggers a lot of symptoms, such as allergies, joint pain, psoriasis, hair falling out, muscle weakness.  aaagh!!!

i've done so much research on the internet, learning about the results of prolonged, chronic stress, and all these illnesses are simply symptoms.  it was the stress of being part of those npd's lives that caused it, that is the main problem.  so, i've been working at not only reducing the stress (i ran away from home, moved to a different country - but, again, that brought it's own set of stressors, such as different language, culture, environment, etc.) but at getting my body back on track.  i'm pushing 70, so time is playing its own part in all this.  still, massage therapy has helped my physical body so much, but it's only been in the past few weeks that i could even stand 20 min. of being worked on!  in years past, even getting a leg massage with a pedicure sent me into tears of pain.  i went to a healer for a couple of months who believed in leg massage, and i cried and blubbered every week!  what it told me was that i had stored a lot of tears inside me, which is why i kept going back.  i did this for 10 weeks.  it was horrible, but i believe it was beneficial at the same time.

now i have  a massage therapist who uses pressure point massage, and that has released an awful lot of stored emotions that i'd been holding.  in the beginning, i cried thru the entire 15 or 20 min. that i could stand to let her work on me - the pain got to be unbearable!  it's been about 4 months of this, and it's finally getting better.  but, dang, it's quite the process to go through.  still, i knew it's what i needed for me - i had to go thru all that pain because i'd been holding onto it for so many years and it was making me sick.

i'm still working at this, but i'm seeing progress.  no more allergy meds.  the inflammation attacks (which i saw someone refer to as 'stress flu' because it feels like the symptoms just before getting the flu - watery, scratchy eyes, general malaise, my skin would get hot, and i would feel miserable) are fewer and farther between.  my muscles are feeling a bit looser in general and the knots are being broken up, i'm beginning to sleep a bit better (even with the meds, sleep was still not very good, not enough hours, not entirely restful).  i'm better able to recognize the signs (like swelling ankles) when i'm becoming too stressed, and know to take a break or slow down. 

what i've been doing, i'm not necessarily recommending anyone else do.  i think everyone has to find what works for them.  i've gotten pretty aggressive with attacking this whole thing.  i've just gotten so sick of being sick!!!  but, for everyone suffering because of c-ptsd, narc abuse, and all the rest, my heart is with you.  i hope you can find a process that works for you to help alleviate your pain, your ailments, your worries and concerns.  this is all personal, and what works for one will not necessarily work for another.  but, i want to thank you all for sharing your stories.  it's difficult to find a doc who will look at these illnesses as stress-related - they're usually about pushing pills at us, telling us to go home, and then we're back in a few months trying to deal with the side effects of the pills and we're feeling worse off! 

i've looked a lot into vitamin therapy, and am using that now, as well as eating better, stopped smoking and drinking.  i do believe that part of my job is to give my body the best possible foundation and accompanying help so that it can get on with the business of healing itself.  some things, like my glaucoma, well, that may be permanent.  i don't know.  much of the rest of it i have faith can be diminished to a manageable degree.  still working on it.  here's to the rest of you!  keep up the good work, don't lose faith, we can heal!

 

[Jdog]

Thanks for sharing and many good wishes to you, as well.

[Sienna]

Samnagic7, That was so interesting to read!

Do you think that you will get yourself tested for Adrenal Fatigue?
Its so validating to know that all of the symptoms you listed, i have nearly all of them.

A lot of us run away from our narcs.
And did you know that re locating and doing it also with out help...or going to a different country - new language etc. is super stressful on the adrenals?
Re locating is one of lifes major stressors.
I hope you dont mind...but here is a link on Adrenal fatigue, the symptoms. Its in-depth and mentions re location (which is how i know this).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iERqD2XrUk

I really want to go to a healer too.
Im not sure the release of trauma from doing therapy is enough- ive heard that its not always enough and that focusing on the body as well as the mind is most helpful.

Thank you for sharing your experience of what you tried, how it was for you, and weather or not it worked.

It sounds to me, that recognising the physical signs of stress is being more in tune with your body and not as much in your mind. I know with disassociation, you just dont feel bodily sensations and you do not feel emotions in your body as they are happening, you are too much up in your head ignoring your body that is attached.  At least that is my experience. 

i've looked a lot into vitamin therapy, and am using that now, as well as eating better, stopped smoking and drinking.
Good for you, that is so great! I will be there one day, when I'm ready.
  i do believe that part of my job is to give my body the best possible foundation and accompanying help so that it can get on with the business of healing itself. 
Umm, yes, i like that. That makes a lot of sense. How can the body properly heal itself if you are giving it chemicals and harmful things.

i found the the physical pain, the ibs symptoms (if it is that)..the stomach issues, whatever you want to call it...it is validation to me that something is wrong...that I'm not doing ok, that the stress has gotten too much.
I want to fix it. I want to feel better and more free in my body. Relaxed.
Another part of me needs my body to reach its limit, the most it can handle. If i crash, then i know i have to fix it. For now, whilst i want to be better, its validating my stress to me.
I dont get it, because, like if i have an injury, i feel i can protect myself - from the world.
Its like i have an injured sore body, and its injured inside too.
Its like my inner child is here with me. And i need to protect her. I know i need to connect with there properly on a consistent basis, then maybe i wouldnt rely on this hurt to tell me whats going on.
It could be an aching to be looked after. Maybe because i was ignored when i was ill. Acnowlefged if they found out...(i learned never to tell) but then left to my own devices.

I dont know what this part of me is, or why its there.
Maybe part  of me is still in denial, whilst the other wants the validation and has received it due to noticing pain etc in my body. Maybe i just want someone to notice and to help me.
Im not talking about adrenal crashes which i already have.
i mean, when my body stops working all together, or i crash big time.
maybe thats already happened. last time it happened, i knew it was serious and would only increase with each crash.
Being where i am, i havent been able to crash. i have been slowly crashing but maybe my body etc is still highly stressed.
Im wondering what they body does when there is no break from stress.
how can it keep going? maybe that is why the ibs like symptoms are increasing.

Anybody have any ideas what i mean?

I wish you lots of luck with your recovery journey Sanmagic7

[Butterfly]

IBS from stress? Definitely for me, I could feel my intestines constrict and my stomach aches terrible if I'm around updm and she's in a 'mood' - seething rage about to blow.

Rotator cuff? I can see that too because if the shoulder is tight the whole mechanics is off and every time you lift your arm if the mechanics is off the tendons hit the roof of the bone structure.

Sanmagic, hope the massage is helping. It's worked for me in the past too releasing issues and emotions. I had one healer type massage therapist who knew exactly what my emotional issues were the first time I met her just based on where the tension was and what organs and energy flow she felt were affected.