The startle response

[NarcKiddo]

I realise that a startle response is often part of CPTSD. Mine is very sensitive and these days I also hate really loud noise even if it is not sudden and has not startled me. My husband likes to whistle, and does so very tunefully, but he is a large man and it is LOUD. I have had to ask him to stop doing so if I am nearby. Sometimes he forgets and at time I have put on the decibel measuring function of my watch to prove to him that I am not just making a fuss.

But, going back to the startle response, I've been thinking about it recently. Because I don't remember always having had it. My symptoms generally have got worse over the last few years. Possibly not helped by hormonal menopause changes and by lockdown. But I also wonder if it might actually be an improvement? It doesn't feel like an improvement because the symptoms are distressing, but I wonder if they are surfacing because I feel more able to allow them to surface. Maybe I just squashed them all before, and dissociated. As a child I was so constantly primed for danger that maybe it came as no surprise. I have never been in a war, thankfully, but I wonder whether soldiers flinch every time they hear an explosion. My startle response is mainly triggered by noise. Touch would trigger it hugely but I keep an enormous personal space zone for this reason and if I am forced to be somewhere crowded I dissociate. Sudden movement will also trigger it but then the startle response mostly stays internal and I don't often have an obvious reaction bar an immediate turn of my attention to the movement.

Or maybe it is a mixture of me feeling more able to feel/display a symptom coupled with my system having been in overdrive for so long now that my ability to hide/ignore a reaction is getting dulled.

I'd be interested what others think about this.

[Kizzie]

This is something I also have NK. If anything is an example of how trauma changes our internal systems and persists this is the symptom.

I've written elsewhere that my H is super quiet (or so it seems to me) when he walks on carpeted floor and to me he just appears in a room on the upper floor of our house or downstairs at my office beside the stairs, and I never fail to jump and scream. We eventually bought two bells and have them at the top and bottom of the stairs so I know he's coming. Definitely a marriage saver. He also sneezes louder than anyone I know with no noticeable intake of breath leading up to it and again my startle response kicks in. To be fair he's also scared lots of random people along the way. 

Anyway, loud noise really does bother me. We have trains nearby and they must honk their incredibly loud horns at two crossings in our town. If I am close to the crossings I have to cover my ears as it's too much. So I definitely share sound startling with you, touch not so much. (But another huge trigger for me is what Peter Walker calls "the look" which was a definite sign of danger in my family of origin. It just took the slightest downturn or pursing of lips by my NM to send my system into overdrive but that's another issue.)  I suspect in my case it's not worse per se as I age but I notice it more because I don't have as much going on and life is generally quieter so loud sounds stand out more. 

I do like how you've described always being primed for danger as a child and loud noises are a definite sign of potential danger so I think a lot of us are probably sensitive to sound. And maybe it is the case that when life quiets somewhat we are especially triggered by loud sounds because they are not as buried in the din of noisy life with kids, at work, etc?   

[Denali]

Hi NK, I have a startle response and get very upset with loud noises.

I'm extremely sensitive to metal clanging or scraping together.

I had it out with a neighbor because they would let their child just scream in the hallway. The sound reverberated and it would send me in a tizzy.

The startle response happens when I'm in the kitchen cleaning or cooking. I usually listen to music. So when my boyfriend walks in and I see him I jump out of my skin and curse.

At least for me, I believe the startle response is apparent because I'm in a safe place.

Everywhere else my guard is up. 

As you put it being primed for fear as a child created an almost vigilant alertness to surroundings.  I don't like people behind me. I felt guilty for being upset with my children when they would do it.

When I use to be out on my own and I felt someone behind me I would stop to turn around and look at them.

I had a different startle response with the ex. It had only been a couple years since I got away from anti-mom. Any time he would move his arm/hand in my direction I would flinch. He would get mad at me and insulted. I tried explaining, but he didn't want to understand.

Thank you for sharing. I didn't know that these affliction were part of CPTSD.

[Chaos rains]

Oh my, NK, yes! I used to joke that I had a well-developed startle response. That was before I learned that it was a symptom of trauma. Nearly anything unexpected, or that happens when I'm deep in though, can thoroughly startle me. My office has an old air handling system with a constant white noise background and sometimes my colleagues have to say something loudly to get my attention, and they always end up apologizing for "scaring" me because I jump so much.

Do we all have get easily overstimulated? I cannot handle large groups or noisy places at all. I'm not sure if it's gotten worse over the years, or if I'm just tired of it. Being on guard all the time is wearing.

[Towhee]

Hi NK,

All this is super relatable.  The experience of trauma creates shortcuts in our brain wiring to keep us safe in times of danger.  Noises, crowds, and touch are all big ones that hit that hair-trigger response before we're even consciously aware of what caused it.  Touch is my most sensitive one and like you I keep a huge bubble of personal space around me because of it.  Pandemic lockdown and perimenopause-related physical and mental changes have brought up a lot in me as well.  Certain times of year get me more hypervigilant than normal, too.

[freelancebaby]

Omg just adding that my partner is also big and loud and his sneezes bother me to a great degree!

[Bermuda]

As others here, my startle response is just so sensitive. It would be a super power, if it were super. It does have its practical uses, like night time feeds.

My husband is a music lover, and plays instruments. I can't cope with rehearsals. It's hard to imagine people enjoying that. The startle response really just tears you away from whatever was happening inside your body before, and loudness in general does that to me, even if it's my own loudness. I can't speak up any louder when I have spoken up once. The next notch up is very uncomfortable and unsettling.

My startle response has been strong for as long as I can remember, but the times when it has triggered something more severe is always seemingly random. I could be coping really well, seemingly. It doesn't have lead-in.

[Kizzie]

So I've been reading a few books that talk about the biologic/physiologic changes our bodies go through when we are under stress and duress (latest is Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No"). While it's affirming to hear there are very real reasons we startle and such, I'm now at the stage where I want to hear more about whether it's possible for my body to unlearn these responses. I have the feeling that in the future survivors will be going to regular groups for trauma informed mindfulness, yoga, and maybe things we haven't even heard much about yet.   

[Fraying]

I also have a well-developed startle response.

Also, my partner has a tendency to click pens or tap things and it bothers me so much. Does anyone else have issues with that kind of thing?

[Bermuda]

Fraying, yes. For me my startle reflex is very closely tied, if not the same as my hypervigilence.

I was sitting in class the other day and a student next to me, who also is a nervous kind of guy, was rubbing the palms of his hands to his pant legs. That one sound made my brain splinter into the 1,000 sounds that were actually co-existing in that space, that surely no one else could hear. I looked to see what the sound was, and he stopped because he saw me look. That made me visually evaluate myself and the whole room, to see if other people had noticed me, if other people were looking or distracted, and if there was something to be nervous about... Then the professor said my name and I completely froze like a moose. The student on the other side of me slid her notes toward me, and I read her answer in broken words.


Startle reflex is kind of a slippery slope.

NarcKiddo, I don't know if soldiers flinch. I know that I don't. I don't act startled, outwardly. ...Except one time that I dropped to the ground and covered my ears... But PTSD is full of surprises! It sometimes feels more like the mephisto waltz than a one step forward, one step back situation.

[Fraying]

Oh, that "brain splinter" thing really resonates with me! I think I'll have to try to explain to my partner (when they're not in the midst of making noises) what it feels like when they make noises. They already think I am too controlling, but I don't want to control them! I want to control me!