Escapism

[Ogdru]

Been wondering where exactly where to put this one but though might try and explain what exactly is going on, and its tricky to figure out where do I go from here.

About a month ago had a very triggering and ongoing circumstance of my disabled mother essentially allowing some stranger as her caretaker, I am not speaking with her now and have not for a month. So when that occured just started escaping wildly. there are some other factors

I have been on Efexor which feels like it gives me tremendous ability to escape. Other is I am very isolated, I work from home and don't have a car, pretty much living pay check to pay check right now so I don't really go out much, so sort of under this oddly imposed home arrest, so what else would I do other than escape? I guess last contributing thing is usually I have a myriad of things I escape to but this time its just writing extensively in the erotica genre which is intensely potent.

I don't know in past I have been great at problem solving, but now its like what else would I do? My therapist has tasked me trying up with other coping skills but for the life of me can hardly come up with any. I'm too afraid to journal at the moment, and meditation feels impossible right now and I just don't know what else there is. In general its in such steep competition to begin with.

[Armee]

Hey it sounds like a rough patch right now. I remember feeling like that too that none of the things I was supposed to do were tolerable...meditation, breathing, yoga etc. I guess overtime just trying a few seconds of something that's supposed to help and just tolerating that intense discomfort for a few seconds eventually opened the door to longer trials and error with those things until they are no longer triggering discomfort. But I'm kind of talking years not months. It's really common for people with cptsd to not be able to tolerate their inner world and experience and sensations and feelings, so things like breathing calmly or meditating can have the opposite effect it's supposed to for a while.

I've heard a few people on here talking about the technique "tapping." I've never done it but you could search for that topic...I think Bach may have posted some good stuff. That might actually help?

I heard a video last night where someone was talking just about the importance of bilateral stimulation...essentially moving both sides of your body in alternating patterns. It can be lightly slapping your hands on the tops of your thigh left right left right left right. Or walking even is bilateral stimulation. Or crossing your arms and hugging your shoulders, tapping each side left right left right. And then I heard just like holding a slinky and bouncing it from one hand to the next. That was brilliant sounding to me. They are all small steps toward tolerating more and eventually these do add up.

Finally last one I heard about yesterday is a breathing thing...bear with me. Normally breathing exercises make things worse for me, too. This one was called cyclic sighing. I was in a situation of intense anxiety tried it and it instantly got me feeling OK again. You breathe in thru the nostril in two medium inhales in a row, then exale long preferable with an open mouth but I know how that can go. If all else fails, I love watching comedy.

But really it sounds like you need some intensely engaging activities. For me things like walking, hiking, gardening can do that, but I'm in a pretty good place now most of the time. In the beginning I remember nothing worked and it was extremely frustrating.

Keep trying. It gets better I think.   

[Ogdru]

Hey Armee, been thinking on this. I actually quite appreciate breathing exercises. I think I will try those. Thank you for your suggestions.  

[storyworld]

Ogdru, I have found working puzzles very helpful, especially when I'm struggling to self-regulate and/or fight off intrusive thoughts/memories. Sometimes it takes a moment to shift my focus, but if I persist with puzzling, I find I'm eventually able to become absorbed in the activity. It also tends to give me a sense of accomplishment that I find helpful, in terms of self-care.