Overreacting to minor events

[Rebecca17]

I don't really know how to to explain this. But all I know is that I seem to just completely freak out in situations which to others may be really minor and mean nothing. I don't understand why, but I spend hours after the event thinking about it , so many thoughts run through my head and I don't know how to deal with them. I become really upset and feel extremely low. In a constant low mood which I cannot get rid of. I try to move on from it but I find myself going on and on about it, which really annoys people around me. 
I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way...?  I grew up in a one parent home with a extremely controlling sibling. Both my brother and my sister have autism and now my sister is out of the picture, I see my brother becoming the same abusive control freak my sister was.   

[Indigochild]

Hi Rebecca

I do hope that what ive written isn't too triggering.

Im sorry your finding this hard.

This is what cptsd is really, reacting strongly to events. Big or small events- and its not unusual for it to be events that most people would not react in the way you do to.
These events are called *triggers*.
Within time, and with monitoring, you may begin to understand what your triggers are, you may notice similar feelings- i like to call it a *thread* - like in a story line, there is a similar thread running through it.
There may be different feelings too all over the place.

These situations will keep bringing up these feelings until you understand them.
Your mind wants to understand something that perhaps happened long ago, maybe you cant even remember what it is, but something inside of you wants to be heard, acknowledged and understood.
It will keep happening until you understand why you are feeling this way. This is how a lot of people get into marriages / relationships with people similar to their parent / parents.
They are not seeing that they are subcontiously repeating patterns they are used to as they don't understand they are doing it.
The mind needs to work through what happened / trauma, so you will be placed by the subcontous is situations similar to that trauma to help you understand it.
I hope this makes sense.

It is also normal to feel exhausted or depressed after these events / situations that spark off these feelings for you.
Depression, as well as being a way of going into yourself after having distressing feelings, is a way you have learnt to cope most probably.
You should look up the 4fs...Pete Walker article here....
http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

Im sorry about your home situation. A lot of these has probably left you feeling powerless?

[Rebecca17]

Hi Indigochild,

Thank you for the article it was very interesting and has helped me understand CPTSD alot more. I do feel extremely powerless and alot of this has resulted from my siblings abuse. However it has also come from not been believed when I have spoken out about it. Even my own family have said I am the reason for the abuse, as if I deserved what I got. I feel powerless in a way that I have no control over my life, and Its as though I am afraid of my own shadow; I will flinch when someone calls my name. I am more of a flight person as I seem to see danger (which may not be classed as danger for others) and just have to get out of that situation..but then feel extremely ashamed of myself after getting away.

Thank you for replying to my post...

[Indigochild]

Hi Rebecca...

I finally found your post!
I couldn't find it thus why i havent replied.

I am glad you found the link useful.
There are so many articles on his website that are very interesting.

TRIGGER warning for all of this....

I am majorly sorry that you were not believed when you spoke out about the abuse. Its just absolutely crushing for one.  The utter frustration etc. you must of felt.
Did you know that blaming the victim for the abuse being inflicted upon them is something that abusers do?
Emotional neglect happens here too....as when they say its your fault etc. they are invalidating your pain from the abuse they have caused. A lot of shame can come from being blamed.

Being jumpy / hyperviigelant- is your mind and bodies way of protecting you from what could happen in your life now daily.

Shame is a huge part of this.

I have some things to say that i didnt think of when i read your first post the first time (I'm learning myself all the time)

When you wrote:
I don't understand why, but I spend hours after the event thinking about it , so many thoughts run through my head and I don't know how to deal with them. I become really upset and feel extremely low. -
They call it ^ruminating^ - thoughts going round and round your head.

Im sorry if it is actually annoying others...they probably just don't understand.
Talking about things over and over can be a way to get it out of your system...perhaps you feel you have to do this to be believed? As you once wasnt when you spoke of the abuse?
Maybe you have to say it over and over to make it believable to yourself as you doubt yourself after not being believed?

I do feel the same way as you do as i also have ruminating thoughts. 
Sometimes i think that if i talked these thoughts out with ie. boyfriend...it would stop the ruminating...but i have issues with talking.
in time...cbt might be helpful for you with this and trying to figure out where your thoughts are coming from...if they are relating to the past.
I know its difficult.

Take care...

[littlepalm]

HI-

I over react to minor events as well. I also analyse them to see  a potential hidden meaning. For example:

A Facebook friend, whom I was IRL friends with when I was in elementary & middle school, not so much in high school, messaged me to potentially meet. I did NOT open the message, I just read the first line. I know, to most people, it is an innocent reach out to a friend from 30 years ago. To me, there may be an agenda, or there could be a set up....long story short, the relationship in high school & college & early 20's, typical "mean girls" behavior. I was friends w/ two different girls, they ban together & are against me. I did not care then, really. I do not care now. BUT, in my mind, there is a possibility they may want to make a fool out of me, make me uncomfortable, etc. I cannot risk it.

I also ruminate, and know my quality of life would be much better if I stopped this behavior. Intellectually I know I have not control over what happened and cannot redo that event. But I will talk about it...and as my anxiety increases, I want to speak about this even more...it is a vicious cycle.

I like to end my posts with a positive affirmation, hoping we all heal...The pas has no power over me anymore.

[Indigochild]

Hi Littlepalm

Your username is so cute by the way 

Yes seeing a potential hidden meaning - i do this too.
I dont blame you for feeling uncomfortable with this one.

Im interested to see if anyone else has trouble believing what people say to them...such as:
.I really want to meet up with you for coffee ...or
.You are a good singer / you look nice today etc etc.

I do think people are just saying things to just *be nice* and that they dont mean the nice things they say.

Perhaps events / situations...etc. have a hidden layer of anxiety attached to them for you.
Perhaps if you can pin point the anxiety...it may lessen? It might not equally.

[Kizzie]

I just wanted to mention that if you are looking for a reply to a post you made there is a button on the top left hand side of your screen that says "Show new replies to your posts" that will get you back to a thread you posted in.  Just a little quicker than searching all over the place    You can also set the "Notify" button on the lower right side of the screen so that you know when someone posts in a thread you're interested in.

One other thing I wanted to mention is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which helps people identify their distressing thoughts, evaluate how realistic those thoughts are and learn to change their distorted thinking. When they think more realistically, they feel better.  You might want to search the board (upper right hand side of the screen) or Google it for more information.  There are other approaches in the "Therapy" forums as well - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=63.0. 

[Indigochild]

Thanks Kizzie 
I did that before at the top of the screen...and found the post but when I went back to reply it had gone from the show new replies to your posts...or maybe its me...

Yes forgot to mention CBT. I wasnt sure i should have or not  as basic cbt doesnt delve into the past etc. but of course you can see a cbt therapist.

[Kizzie]

I agree, CBT only takes you so far - helps to focus on the negative thinking and challenge it but doesn't really ge to the bottom of the  trauma and help to work through all the feelings from that. 

I don't know if you've read any of Pete Walker's work, but he talks about a need in therapy to work on thinking (through approaches like CBT) and feelings, inn particular difficulties in forming attachments (see http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/relationalHealingComplexPTSD.pdf).  Hard to work on the latter on our own, but trying out CBT is certainly doable - lots of good workbooks and online courses. I did one relating to social anxiety which I really struggled with and it helped quite a bit (https://www.learntolive.com/).

[Indigochild]

Thanks for the links Kizzie.

I am glad you found some help with your anxiety

[littlepalm]

Thanks Kizzie & all whom are contributing to this post.

I will check out the CBT link. I am trying to locate a CPTSD T, but it is difficult.

My over reacting makes relationships difficult.   My BF, whom I am somewhat distant from, staes, "I am going to call you in X amount of time", and does not...I become angry and feel disrespcted. It is not as if I really want to talk, but to me it is another form of lying, another person letting me down.....just text me something came up.

Sorry for the deviation...maybe I should start a new thread.

[Indigochild]

Hey....dont worry! Its totally fine to write that here. 
I understand totally how it makes relationships difficult.
And just because you might not want to talk, doesnt mean you would be happy feeling like someone doesnt care...or isn't sticking to what they said they'd do.

I know its difficult to do, and i don't know if youve tried, but do you think you could figure out what this situation is reminding you of?
Sounds like you feel let down more times than one?
Perhaps you could figure out where the anger is coming from...what about it makes you so angry. What are you afraid of?
It sounds to me anyway....that you are afraid he is not going to stick around.

Shame your having trouble finding a therapist. Don't know if your in the UK...but if not, here we have to go and tell our GPs whats going on, in order for them to put you on the waiting list for therapy. We get it and all healthcare free on the NHS (national health service)

Sorry for the deviation...maybe I should start a new thread.