Hello everyone!!

[OnePercentBetter]

Hello from Florida!!

I want to start by expressing how grateful I am to have found such a strong community! You are ALL AMAZING!

A little about me!! I'm not okay, but that's okay! I'm 26 years old and I was recently diagnosed with cPTSD. This came as quite a shock to me to be honest but so much is starting to make sense.

I want to keep this short on my first go around, so I'll get right to it. I lost my mother 9 months ago(having already lost my father many years ago), this has slowly taken a toll on me. I've always been very "strong" and "put together" as others would say. But for the first time in my life... I broke. I had a full blown mental breakdown less than a month ago which has led to this new discovery.

I plan on sharing much of my story in due time, but I'm not 100% ready for that. I'll leave you with this, I'm not hurt I've the loss of my mother. I'm hurt because I'll never have the answer I've so dearly wanted for so many years. Why did she treat me the way she did? And I honestly hate myself for that.



That's enough for now. As you can see, based on my name, I have a very strong goal in place and it's honestly something I've lived life by. Focusing everyday on getting one percent better has helped me get this far and I won't stop now! Coming here is step one! It's only up from here.

With Love,

OnePercentBetter

See you soon!

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome!

I replied to your other post before seeing this one so had no idea of the back story you have shared here. Not that it changes what I said there.

I am so very sorry for your struggles. This is a supportive community and there are lots of resources on the website.

I like your user name. It's very positive. Good for you.

If I may, I'd like to make one suggestion. Please try not to hate yourself. You feel how you do for a reason.

[Kizzie]

Hi 1% Better and a warm welcome to OOTS     Very glad you found us and I hope you do find this helps in your recovery.  We have a saying here about taking recovery in baby steps so that it's not too much all at once and you've already got that figured out so kudos         

[blue_sky]

Hello OnePercentBetter 

Love your username! Definitely so positive like NarcKiddo said.

More power to all of us here. 

[Papa Coco]

OnePercentBetter

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found it, but sorry you needed to.

Your disclosure brought up a lot for me. I spent most of my life wondering why my narcissistic abusers, (parents, two of my three siblings, and my best friend in 5th grade), did what they did to me. I had never heard the word narcissist until I was over fifty years old. I learned a TON about them from a couple of really, really good books I'd read. The first book was In Sheep's Clothing, by George K. Simon. It's a very small book, a quick read. Written in the early 1990s, he called them "Disordered characters." The short little one day read opened my eyes in ways that changed me. I then read a newer book called The Sociopath Next Door, by Dr. Martha Stout. It opened my eye even further. I can now see that narcissists hurt others because they enjoy hurting others. Period.

I realized that I'd spent nearly 50 years waiting for my abusers to come to me feeling sorry for all they'd done to me. I was literally driving myself crazy waiting for an apology that, in reality, was never coming.

It's been said that locusts destroy fields and kill crops because they're locusts. Bees bring life to crops because they're bees. A bee can't behave like a locust, nor can a locust behave like a bee. Narcissists are narcissists because they're narcissists. Those of us with deep feelings and beautiful hearts can't grasp why our own siblings and parents are so different, but they are. Once I finally, truly understood, that I'm NEVER going to receive an apology from my own parents, siblings or former best friends, that's when my ability to heal began to take hold.

I'm so glad you found the forum. Welcome!