New here

[Ellowyn]

Hi

Thank you for letting me join this site and forum.

I grew up in a very abusive household with parents who didn't care for me and my sister emotionally. I've spent my life thinking I'm not good enough, not loved and deserved it all. On top of this I suffered sexual abuse which my parents didn't believe happened. I feel so let down.

Recently I was really triggered because my mum needs my support after breaking her hip and emotionally I can't give it to her. It's really hard because all I want to do is walk away.

Anyway that's a bit about me.

[Moondance]

A warm Welcome to OOTS Ellowyn,

It's devastating to realize that the core people in our lives were/are unable to be there for us in anyway, shape or form. And then to understand how it has affected us.  Complex relational trauma makes perfect sense to me.  I'm learning that on this forum.

I grew up in a very abusive household with parents who didn't care for me and my sister emotionally. I've spent my life thinking I'm not good enough, not loved and deserved it all. On top of this I suffered sexual abuse which my parents didn't believe happened. I feel so let down.
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  this so resonates with me Ellowyn.   

I hope you find all that you need on this forum.  There are a bunch of really kind and supportive people here not to mention all the amazing resources available.

  if okay and if not please disregard.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Ellowyn,

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that your parents didn't believe you when you needed their help the most.

My experience was similar. I was abused sexually and emotionally at school, then was unsupported and dismissed at home. Having no one to support me when I needed their help the most was the most difficult reality I had to try and make peace with as a child. I became a dissociated daydreamer who only felt safe inside my imaginary world where no one could hurt me and I didn't need anyone's help because, in my imaginary world, I was strong and smart and indestructible.

I hope you are able to find some support here, as I have. I've been a member for two years and have very  much appreciated the kindness and compassion I receive from these good people.

Welcome!

[Kizzie]

Hi Ellowyn and a very warm welcome to OOTS! 

So sorry for what you have endured and I hope you find support and connection here.  We are a welcoming community and there are a lot of resources.

I understand about you not being able to help you M, it is very common when we are needed by our abusive parents(s) to not want or be able to help.  They abused or neglected us afterall so of course we would not want to be around them. There are some techniques that survivors of narcissistic abuse use that might be useful as you try and navigate your way through the situation. See https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro. One is called grey rock and it's when you don't give your M anything to aim at to abuse you, you are just neutral. 

I don't know where you live but another option might be to see if there is home care available via social services so you don't have to get involved.